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How does a reserved family make new friends??
I've lived in my current city for over three years, but still do not know anybody around here other than my co-workers who mostly commute from different towns and are much older and more established than I am. The entire time I've lived here, I have driven back to my hometown (over an hour away) in order to hang out with friends and family whenever I felt lonely or wanting to socialize. For quite some time, this arrangement has been perfectly okay with me because I always assumed that eventually I would move back to my hometown and settle there.
Now I am engaged (my soon-to-be husband is from my hometown and moved in with me) and we have a four-month-old son together. After several discussions, we concluded that we wanted to remain here and settle down. Further, after a few visits back home (in our new status as "family-people") we quickly realized that we are having less in common with the friends we used to spend our time on (we are in our late 20's and many of the people we know are still partying). As my son gets older and knowing that we intend to have more children, I feel that it is important and necessary for us to befriend others in our "new" community who are in the same place we are in as far as being low-key, family and home-oriented, etc. This is proving to be a challenge though, because both my fiance and I are reserved and quite shy around people we do not know.
How do you expand your social circle when you've had the same few friends your whole life, especially in a new environment? I always seem to feel like a fish out of water when I talk to new people and often feel as if I come off awkward or unlikeable. I don't want us to be a lonely family, and I definitely do not want my son and other future children to have a difficult time establishing relationships like this either. We do not have other family or friends nearby, so not really sure where to begin.
Re: How does a reserved family make new friends??
Have you tried meetup.com? That's how I made friends in my new town. My city has meetups for couples and also families, so you might find something that way.
Another option would be to get involved with a place of worship -- not just randomly attend, but volunteer in the nursery or something so you get to know other people with kids your age, and then suggest that you guys get together.
I come from a similar situation...moved to DH's hometown almost 2 years ago which is just over an hour from where I'm from and all of my family/friends are. I'm in my early 20's, DH's a few years older.
You really have to just get involved in various groups. Since you have a new baby, try finding a mom/child group that meets for lunches or play dates (mothers probably have better advice on this but I think hospitals/your pediatrician may know where to point you). Would you be able to find childcare for a couple hours on the weekends to join an adult kickball club with your FI? Volunteer? If you can get into something you really enjoy that is somewhat frequent, you should be able to meet ppl and see them enough to actually build relationships.
I know it's hard, I'm going through it myself, but eventually you'll feel re-established!
Is there a Newcomer's club in your town? It is very family-oriented. Usually the meetings are at night (so that women who are working can attend), but they plan activities with kids (park trips, open gym, etc.) during the day and weekends. Also, they have couples activities on the weekends. It is GREAT!
I second mommy-and-me classes. At your child's age, you can't have "drop off" playdates, so invite another mom over for a playdate. You and the mom can have coffee while the kids play. Or meet at a park.
At around 3 years old, I started doing play-dates with children in DD's child care/preschool class. Its fun for the kids, but its really a play-date for the moms and parents. I've made several new friends and our families really enjoy socializing. It only takes a note in her locker or a few conversations at drop-off, or meeting the same mom at b-day parties a few times. We also met similar-aged kids in our neighborhood by just walking around. I actually met one mom up the block from us when DD was 4 months (and her son was 5 months) and just bumped-into her the other day (4 years later) and we are very jazzed-up to have the kids play together.
I don't mean to sound like this will take years, I just mean that once your child gets to a playful stage you'll find lots of friendly families to socialize with.
This is an excellent question.
DH and I are the exact same way. For us, we've been lucky enough to get to go out of town for the weekends to friends' houses. Or they're able to come to us.
We've met some nice people at lounges. Not bars, they're quieter and a great social environment. If you can snag an evening and go out for a drink, you might be able to meet some people in your area.
Good luck!
craigslist.com can work for finding friends, but be careful going that route. I find it best if you're at the grocery store, the library, the park, etc., just talk it up with other ppl there, too. Introduce yourself and just start talking. A great friendship won't necessarily result from that, and it definitely won't be instant, but great friendships take time to form. Be patient with it when you start.