Cleaning & Organizing
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
DH's friends = messy home
I love my DH and his friends, and i dont mind that they come over all the time. (we are the only married people out of all our friends = everyone meets up at our house)
but its driving me nuts that everytime they come over, the house seems like i havent cleaned in weeks. ive lectured them, made them take off their shoes, reminded them to clean up after themselves. but nothing works. and to top if off my DH sometimes makes small comments about how the house is a mess... which enfuriates me because it was spotless before we had company. sometimes he notices that its his friends, and sometimes he doesnt....
any ideas on what i should do? thanks!
Re: DH's friends = messy home
Tell your H that either he reins in his friends or it can be his responsibility to clean up after them.
Sounds like a solution to me.
It is both of your house and therefore the cleanliness of it is half his reponsibility... moreso when it is his friends that create the mess.
Seems like schitty friends if they're treating you and your house with such disrespect.
http://pandce.proboards.com/index.cgi#general
Ive told him to clean up after his friends, and sometimes he helps me. but sometimes he doesnt notice that his friends were the ones that made the mess, so he just reminds me that he works full time, and that my full time job is being a house wife which = cleaning.
(lol secretly i dont like some of them) but i think his friends confuse me as their mom instead of a friend since i always feed them and help them out... and thats why theyre such pigs.
I'm giving your H and his friends major side-eye right now.
Why do you put up with such disrespect?
http://pandce.proboards.com/index.cgi#general
At least you know why none of them are married!
I'd just have a heart to heart with dh about how disrespectful it is for him to let them be disrespectful in your home. Some men seem to do this 'im so manly she cleans up after me' show off thing when friends are over, when normally they clean up if no one is around... so if that's what's going on I'd nip that in the bud with a conversation.
What are they making a mess with? I don't understand?
Are you serving popcorn and peanuts and they're leaving shells around? Are they going through your stuff and moving things around? I just don't get it. And "shoes in the house" can be an issue if they're construction workers, or your front walk is particularly muddy.
Are we talking about beer bottles left out, bags of chips open on the counter, and paper plates left on the living room table?
I need to have a better understanding of how people hanging out for a few hors in your house have the opportunity to destroy your house so much. This may be less about them and more about you, especially if you think "lecturing" and nagging them is in any way effective.
Also, how old are you / your husband / his friends? Are these people who have lived on their own a long time and had to maintain their own households? How long have you and your H lived together?
thank you for the advice, it worked!
i had a very long talk with my husband last night about his friends and he apologized, and promised that he would remind his friends to pick up after themselves. he also apologized for not helping me with the issue before and he promised to be more attentive to issues in our home.
thanks everyone!
Before and after pictures every time he has friends over. :P
However, cleaning up is just part of entertaining. Your husband needs to know that if he has his friends over, he is responsible for cleaning up after them if they won't respect him enough to clean up after themselves. It's not your responsibility. He has NO right to complain to you!
Go out and buy a $500 purse. When he gets the bill, tell him "well, you are the one in charge of making the money, so make a little more this month." In effect, that is the same thing he is telling you about housework - that he has no respect for what you do.
You could also suggest that his friends meet at a bar "hon, I'm just not in the mood to spend the rest of the week cleaning up after your friends. Go meet them at a bar this time."
If they think you are their mother, then I would suggest "disappearing" on the nights when they come over.
This. I mop the floors before company comes over. I know I will mop the floors when they leave. That's what happens when you have 8-12 people in the house, drinking beer, wine and cocktails, and eating snacks off paper plates. I have glass-topped tables in the living room. I put out coasters, but I don't want to be that guy who walks around reminding people to use them. I want to enjoy the party, too. Have the trash and a recycle bin available, and then just accept that you'll have to do a bit of picking up before you go to bed. However, other than putting away leftover food, wiping the table, and collecting a little trash, there's really not a ton for me to clean up. Mopping floors, a few dishes, changing the hand towel in the bathroom, and sometimes wiping down the surfaces people used in the bathroom as well. It's not that much work. I leave the heavy cleaning for the day after.
Is the issue that these people are coming over every single day? Because having a scheduled cocktail party or an event (birthday, superbowl) once a month is acceptable to me. Is the issue that they come over more often than you would like and you feel like you clean up after them all the time? That's not really a cleanliness issue. We all have times we don't feel like having a perfectly clean house, so no, you shouldn't have to make sure it's company ready at all times, just to have to clean it all again tomorrow. Is another issue that his friends aren't returning your hospitality by inviting YOU over? Then stop inviting them over for now.
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