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Which house is better?
Well, I never thought I'd have this hard of a time letting go of our place since we have tried so hard to sell but now I'm finding myself second guessing if this is the right decision.
Current Place (under contract to sell): 1160 sq/ft, 2 bed 2 bath modern loft condo. It's a an amazing location. We bought this place because we loved the area and it was a great deal and planned to stay here a very long time . However, DD came along and we suddenly have no space to store anything. Our unit is prefect but we just don't have a place to keep strollers, and jumpers and swings. Our place has been overcome by all things baby. The pluses though are that DD and I can walk anywhere. We are right in the city and walk to get groceries everyday, we have shopping, restaurants, boutiques, etc. all within a block. We walk down to the marina weekly and our mommy and me group meets at the park just down the street and I feel a part of the community (which is hard to do in a city like LA!)The home is perfect but were are just growing out of it. Though, we could make the space work if we got rid of a lot of the baby stuff.
New home: Our new build is everything we could possibly want in a home. 1940 sq/ft, 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath, +loft bonus space. It also has a 2 car garage. It's in a gated neighborhood with great amenities - resort pool, lap pool, hot tub, fitness center, tennis, game room, club house, playground, dog park... etc. The list goes on. It's really perfect for us and location wise is closer to DH's work (he could walk!). However, I will not have the walking neighborhood feel anymore where moms walk and get coffee or lunch together, I can't walk across the street for a movie with DH... it's just different. The neighborhood itself is very family oriented but it's isolated from shops and restaurants.I know if we ever have more kids this is the place we need to be.
The thing is, we don't know if we want more kids. If DD is one and done, we could have made our current space work and I guess they could have shared if we ever had another.
I'm just having second thoughts. We are building our dreamhome but I feel like I'm leaving my dream neighborhood. I moved here my last year of college and love this area so much. It feels like home and a part of me doesn't want to go.
Anyone else feel this was when moving to what's supposed to be a bigger and better place? I just don't want to leave and I feel that closing is coming up soo fast :-(
Re: Which house is better?
Did you look at other condos in your neighborhood that would have provided more storage?
I think that its probably going to be an adjustment moving to the burbs, but I also think you will find other ways of being social with out having to go to a cafe or restaurant. You can host lunches and bbqs at your new home, since you'll have plenty of space with your new home. You can have new friends from the neighborhood over for drinks in the evenining (or in the afternoon, whatever floats your boat). I think you'll find that its just as fun, but its just a different kind of fun.
I think moms in the burbs do things differently since they have more space! Like the previous poster said, you can host lots of lunches, barbecues, wine tasting parties, etc and have weekly play dates with your daughters friends. It will take time to make new friends who live in the area but it will happen, kids are magnets for finding friends
As for walking everywhere, that is going to be a big change. Perhaps you need to invest in a jogging stroller where you can get out every day and see the neighborhood, etc.
There is nothing more I hated in LA than traffic. As your baby gets older and more involved in activities you might really enjoy having DH commute so short so he can see her dance/soccer/gymnastic practices, etc. More us, a short commute is worth a million bucks!
Good luck in your decision!
I agree with PP. If you make an effort to get to know your neighbors you might find amazing friends there. Since you said it's a family oriented neighborhood, there's likely to be families that are in the same boat as you. I think that instead of getting sad, start researching where the mom groups are in the new area and start participating.
I don't think one is better than the other. They are simply different. I second the poster who mentioned commute time. I live in a much smaller city- but still hate that my husband spends 45 minutes each way to work every day. Often coming in late for dinner because traffic was backed up more than normal. I would love for him to have that time with us rather than in the car in traffic.
I live in the burbs, so I could be biased. But now that our daughter is older it is nice to be able to send her into the back yard while I clean the dinner dishes. I can hear and see her playing and she gets to run through the yard. We are moving into a new neighborhood with a lot of kids. It will be nice to have playmates near by that don't require an appointment/plans to actually see. If they are out, she can just go join them.
If you are under contract to sell your current place, you could also be in a world of hurt trying to terminate that contract. I know if our sellers did that now, with two weeks till closing, you can bet I would sue to enforce the contract. But I'm also a lawyer and I want that house dammit! But something to consider.
Moving is an adjustment, but I'm sure you probably also felt a little unsure about moving into your current place as well. It is always strange to live somewhere new, but obviously you can see that it can turn out great! I would give your new neighborhood a chance.
I agree with all the pp. I will add too that I think it is pretty normal to feel the way you are feeling. It sounds like this was your first place together and a home that you spend so much time in and create such great memories in can be hard to leave. Just try to focus on the excitement of your new home and all the great new memories you will build there.
We are currently trying to sell our first home that we bought 6 years ago right before we got married. It is a 2 bedroom bungalow that was built in 1922. We love the house and the neighborhood but when we had three kids in 3 years things got crowded quick. We need more space and I want a better school district but I will really miss this house. I think it will be hard to leave but I'm also really excited about what the future holds for us once we find a new home.
I was in your shoes a little over a year ago. We lived in the city for 11 years, 2 with DS. LOVED living in the city. Loved being able to walk places, etc.
But now what we're in the suburbs, I LOVE where we live now. We're in a very family oriented neighborhood too, and it's wonderful. We're one and done and there are at least 3 kids who are in the same age range as DS and they'll all be in the same grade when they start school. I LOVE this.
Also, in the city, we literally had a concrete pad behind our house. The first really nice day in our new home - I vividly remember DS going outside and literally running circles in the backyard. I absolutely had a moment of "this is why we moved". He loves having a yard to run around.
There is a neighborhood association and from that, there is a book club that I go to, And last year, once I realized the other moms were similar to me, I started hosting "happy hour play dates" on occasional Friday afternoons when i could get home early. They'll come over, everyone brings something to much on or some wine, and we hang out, have a drink talk, all while our kids are running around the backyard and in our playroom.
There are times I miss the city, but by and large, we are really, really happy with where we live- it's absolutely perfect for DS.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I feel that way a little bit. We are only moving 20 blocks, but the neighborhood we are moving to is so much more "suburban" in DH's words because we aren't just two blocks off of the commercial district anymore. It will still be walkable, for sure, but I'll have to walk a little bit father to get to restaurants/shops/etc.
We do want another child so I will really appreciate the off-street parking (which I don't have at all now and parking is crazy!) and the larger side yard.
It sounds like you're having a little lifestyle identity crisis.
It is hard when your family plans really make the difference between young and more established so much more noticeable. I'm sure you'll be happy with your decision once you are settled in.
We did look at larger options in our current neighborhood but what we have is the largest we could afford. Anything bigger is way out of our price range (and there are very very few 3 bedrooms anyways in the area - it's a lot of lofts and luxury high rise apartments that have 2 bedrooms). We looked at a couple of townhomes that were larger but still only 2 bedroom and needed a lot of work.
We picked the neighborhood we are buying in because it is right across the street from DH's job (he works about 15 mins outside the city but we bought in the city because it was halfway from his work and where he was doing his MBA at the time. And, we loved the area). So, we are lucky I guess in that by moving outside the city more we are closer to DH's work (though his commute now isn't really that bad because he moves opposite of traffic - most people are driving towards the city in the morning not away).
I'm sure I will adjust and it will be such a nice neighborhood for DD to grow up in but I will definitely miss walking everywhere all the time. I also did a lot to make our current condo feel like home and I spent so long getting DD's room perfect for her and I feel sad moving before she's ever really used it (she's still sleeping in our room). I'll get over it once we move into our new place I'm sure and that will eventually feel like home too but it's still hard.
I wish we could move right into our new home but we have to move to move to a rental for 4 months and then to our new place so it will be a double move with a baby which I'm not looking forward to and is making me dread moving even more.
There is no right decision and having second thoughts is completely normal. I would however manage your expectations. It make a year or two to feel really connected. As long as you expect that sort of transition I think it will really help. While moving is not something I'd do lightly if you feel like you really want to move back in a few years that is something to consider.
We were faced with something similar (~1000 SQFT, urban environment) and ultimately chose to rent a larger place in the same area vs. moving out the suburbs because we were priced out of buying. The primary driver of this was the moving out to the burbs would have made my husband's commute even longer (its about 30 mins now) and because I work at home and I don't want to be isolated which I think is more likely out in the burbs.