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Just need to Vent - that's all.
I totally realize the pickle that I have gotten myself into and I'm sure there is plenty of stuff that I could have done over the years to prevent a lot of this from happening, but with all the good stuff going on ... didn't since the good times outnumbered the bad. I was brought up to stick stuff out (good and bad) when one marries and divorce is a last resort.
I'm within a week or two of having my first child with my H and can say that for the majority and I do mean 99% of my pregnancy he doted on me and made whatever I needed or wanted to happen. Yet since the 7th month of my pregnancy things have been going down hill and despite my attempts at being in therapy, doing what I needed to be stress free, and thinking positive things are feeling (I stress that word - feeling) like they are out of control.
7th month had dinner with my MIL and expressed my reservations (already posted about this) about her niece who is spoiled and out of control and how I didn't want her to hold baby. MIL went out of control on me and spread stories to her entire family that she would be the ultimate authority (and even told me) over my baby. Let's put aside the fact that I told my H about this and sought the assistance of a lawyer to make sure that she could not do this and that I as the legal bio mom had every right and unless she proved me unfit (due to a variety of things) would not be happening. In place her of apologizing, she has gone out of her way to buy all the stuff that I need for the baby. My H did back me up, but he keeps stressing that family is everything and that I need to allow the niece to hold the baby. Not so sure about that one. Am I still right in not wanting the niece to hold my baby and despite my examples of how she is unfit, am told over and over again that I have too ... it's what family does.
Easter Sunday, we are invited to MIL's house and I was promised that it would only be H's family. However, when I got there H's friend (Bill for name purposes) and his family were there as well. Bill has a wife who made it very clear over the years I was not her choice and that she was the better woman for H. Bill's wife went out of her way as usual to make sure that I was ignored and chatted with H for the entire two hours that we were there. Even went so far as to tell everyone (H, his family, and Bill's family) that I was the "fat pregnant woman" and hung literally hung off my H for over 20 minutes in a goodbye hug. It has taken three (3) years of couple therapy for my H to admit that she is toxic, not the third person in our relationship, and understands that she makes me uncomfortable so we do not socialize or even be-friend them anymore. H, did dote on me like crazy and made sure to pay all kinds of attention to me despite her (Bill's wife) attempts to get in the middle of us and monopolize the conversation. Throughout the dinner and time after I would watch the drama play out as she tried to get him to divert his attention and shake my head at her attempts. Ie. When he would get me a drink and fuss over me, she demanded that Bill would do the same for her only he told her no at times. My venting part of that is ... she is in love with my H and despite me telling him years ago to decide who he really wanted from the get go, she has always been a narcissist making sure we are not happy. H, H 's family, and Bill refuse to believe and think I'm the crazy one. I realize with my own personal therapy she is a miserable narcissist person in a miserable marriage with kids that she tries to pass off as my H's and no they are not his, is out to make sure I'm just as miserable. I wish H would get a "vajay" and tell the woman off. I have and it felt great until H's family got upset with my Chicago style of doing it. They are extremely southern.
I just needed a moment to vent since H, his family, and some of our friends think I am making a mole hill into a mountain due to being so close to delivering. Be that as it may and I am very emotionally at this moment in time, am I wrong for wishing that H's family would back off this point of the girl holding the baby and this woman getting the idea that maybe she needs to work on her own marriage and kids rather than be in mine?
Re: Just need to Vent - that's all.
I wouldn't be worried about the niece. It sounds like your H is going to be in some sort of a three-way marriage with Bill and Whore Lady in the next few weeks.
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
I'm sure you'll get the same answers here that you get every damn time you post about your ridiculous husband and the people with whom he surrounds himself: just f*cking stop talking to his family, Bill, and his wife. Who cares if your husband thinks that family is everything? You're his immediate family, and clearly he thinks nothing of repeatedly subjecting you to this.
But of course, you're going to continue putting up with the status quo and whining about it until one of Bill's wife's new kids actually ends up looking like your husband.
So, family is everything but your husband doesn't care if alienates his wife? Does he care if you move out to protect your kid?
Whether or not you're right to be upset is a stupid question. What do you plan on doing about it? Playing the victim forever isn't going to help your kid.
"The meek shall inherit the earth" isn't about children. It's about deer. We're all going to get messed the fuckup by a bunch of cloned super-deer.- samfish2bcrab
Sometimes I wonder if scientists have never seen a sci-fi movie before. "Oh yes, let's create a super species of deer. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG." I wonder if State Farm offers a Zombie Deer Attack policy. -CaliopeSpidrman
How old is the niece?
Why did you tell MIL this?
You should have just waited until you actually saw niece and when she asked just said "i am not 100% comfortable with that sorry... bear with me I am a new mom"
Why can't niece hold the baby? does she have a communicable disease or is she 1 year old?
I remember you. Good to see you didn't take a bit of advice but decided to come back for more of the same anyway.
Seriously lady, just stop talking to your mother in law. The two of you are never going to get along. If you show up to a family event and Bill and his wife are there, leave. You and your husband are doing nothing to show that you don't want to have contact with them (probably because your husband DOES want it).
You obviously have the right to decide what happens with your child. If you don't want someone holding him/her then that person doesn't get to. You get to say no! Imagine that! Start practicing by saying no to lunch with your MIL or dinner with Bill and his wife.
I wouldn't hang around with crazy lady at all. Seriously, don't subject yourself to that kind of abuse...you never need that. Ever.
If it wouldn't lead to totally horrible consequences (which it would, because shes crazy)...next time she shows up, I'd just punch her in the face and walk out.
Since you probably shouldn't punch her in the face, you just walk on out.
this:
http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/61453700.aspx