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When do you bring up the kid(s)?
I know that this topic must have been discussed and revisited many times here, but I looked back just a few pages and couldn't find anything pertaining to my questions recently - so open back up!
When do you bring up kids to potential dates or dates? I know the majority here usually says right away, and while I agree, I feel it is killing my chances. So maybe I am only going off the experience of a few guys - but when they are in a row it seems to start feeling like the issue. And maybe I just ran into 3 DBs in a row, who knows.
Also how do you do it/phrase it? I IMO have done it casually - not to decrease the importance of DD but to get across that it is just part of who I am. I never gush in the beginning talks or get into the past stuff either re: my divorce.
A couple of guys (older than me) at work said they would not want to hear it on a first date - that it would make guys run scared before getting to know me. But then again, they are guys.
So what say ye SO on this much debated topic of "when to bring up kids?" Like I said before, not looking for a daddy, just a date 
Re: When do you bring up the kid(s)?
I'm scratching my head at this because I don't remember a time I ever avoided saying something to a potential date about me having kids, I think even prior to meeting. Honestly, if some guy ran because of it, he's not man enough for me anyway!
I can't remember how old you are, so maybe you're talking younger guys, because that might change things a little. I'm 34 and most of the guys I've chatted with/met/dated have been my age or older and have kids of their own, so it's something we had in common early on.
I'm not saying you should scream out "I HAVE A KID" the minute a guy comes and talks to you
, but I think conversations can be lead there and you can gauge a guys reaction. I guess if it was a guy who had a kid and he didn't tell me until later on, I'd wonder why he wanted to keep it hidden unless there's some underlying drama there, kwim?
I think you should bring it up pretty soon... If I was dating a guy and he didn't tell me about his kid(s) during the first or second time we talked it would be a huge turn off. If people don't want to date single parents it's their choice... telling them after they have gotten to know you probably won't change their opinion on the topic.
Also it might be age of your child that is turning men away... 9 months old is a really new baby.
Note: I don't have kids so take this with a grain of salt.
If I was dating someone I would want them to bring it up right away. Like the 1st date or 2nd date at the absolute latest. I'm not interested in dating someone with children so I would want to know right away before I started having feeling for/got attached to the person.
You say it is ruining your chances but I would rather it ruin the chances right away then ruin them down the road after you have been dating a really like someone because they don't want to date someone with kids or because you were not honest.
I definitively understand being upfront with it and I do want to be. I will be 30 tomorrow and the couple guys were right at or a year below my age and the last one was 25 (so that I guess I should have seen coming) but he was nice, fun, and seemed to have crap together.
I also like the way you phrased how conversations can lead - without a blunt blurt out - not that it would change someone's opinion on the topic but soften the blow I guess.
I know I may need to look at a little older guys that also have the maturity of their age. Grrr, I may need to try online...I don't know. Like I told my mother - I just need to find a catholic widowed single father, how are could that be
DD2 11.17.08
I am a mother.
I do not hide it, I may not throw it in someone's face, but it usually somes up before I even go out with someone. Since I have to schedule around my child and sitters.
When it has been brought up it is matter of fact at first.
"I am Becca. I am 27 years old and a sinlge mom of 1. I enjoy playing soccer.... blah blah"
I honestly don't really think about it! My child is not killing my chances at all, if anything her presence in my life make ME the picky one. I say turn down more people than turn me down.
I feel the same way about DD, and I also make weekends family oriented so she can learn that weekend time is family time as well. I also have her all the time like you and your kids - and I do LOVE that! I am glad to see all the consistent opinions again on bringing it up right away as I have been doing, it truly is hard not to as a parent.
All of that.
Besides, the kids aren't going anywhere, so I'd like to know immediately if the guy has a problem with dating someone with kids. I'm also not out to trick anyone and get them interested before I spring it on them. It seems disingenuous.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
Kelly Monaghan's 5K - 5/15/11 - 3rd Place in AG
Walk the Talk 5K - 5/18/11 - 31:12 PR
Ridley Run 3.1 - 4/14/12 - 1st race of the year, 32:45
Being a mom is a big part of my identity and who I am today. It is never a thought of mine to withheld that information to anyone for any reason. I want to be accepted for who I am and if they can't, then they are not the right people for me to want to hang out with.
This post has me all sorts of confused. I have never even gone on a date with someone who didn't know about DS. He's part of me, therefore if someone wants to know about me, they will know that I'm a mother.
I think that my BF worded it perfectly when he said he would have had ZERO business contacting me on match if he wasn't 100% ok with the fact that I'm a single mom.
Potential suitors who are worthwhile will understand, embrace, and respect the fact that you are a mother. Anyone else need not apply. I'd file those guys in the "never talk to again" category.
This is why I did online dating -- it was in my profile and if they didn't want to date a single parent, they didn't have to message me.
I agree that not telling a potential date before date #1 is a bad way to go. I'd be suspect about all the other things you were hiding if you hid that.
As my bf puts it, he loves my "whole package." That includes me, my type a personality, my tendency to worry about lame things, the fact that I totally over extend myself, and it includes my son. You need to find someone who loves your whole package.
My main objective from this post was to quantify the fact that having a child/being a mom who happens to be single should be brought up right away. I have always done this. I was kind of just looking for complete sane answers from women who are there/have been there.
I also agree that if someone has an issue with it then I would rather not start something - and the guys mentioned in the OP were only guys I had talked to and not yet gone out with so they obviously had some issues with dating a woman with a child since all communication basically stopped after that point.I posted soon after I got home from work last night -so I now realize the "killing my chances" comment was over the top and very wrong wording and probably should have not been said at all. I know DD and I are awesome as a package, in fact I call us Team Our-Shortened-Last-Name.
I think also the fact that a couple male co-workers who even have kids saying they would hold it back for a date or 2 really irked me and I was just looking for some been there, strong SO/women sanity on the issue.