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Unsupportive Cousin?
Hello you guys, long time lurker here, first time poster!
My husband and I are 25, have been married for 8 months, and have been TTC since January. We are ten weeks along now, and really excited to start our own little family. Our parents and siblings know, and have been terrific.
Unfortunately, my "closest" cousin has not been. When I told her she looked uninterested, saying that "thats fine... I guess... if that's what you want". Dismissive, I can deal with. I didn't really expect her to be jumping for joy for us, but when my father was talking to her about it, she laid into him about how ridiculous it is to start having kids right after you're married etc etc., and then told him that "thats good for her (me!) but that she wants nothing to do with it" (my child? Wtf?).
I have been a good cousin to her, and a very good friend for years. I don't really understand being so hostile to anyone about something they are happy about, and I find it completely offensive that she couldn't even pretend to be happy for my dad's sake.
I sent her a text message saying that I was very disappointed in her reaction and haven't heard from her since. It has been two weeks.
I am shocked... and sad. I am trying not to stress out about it at all, and just enjoy what is coming our way, but it has been eating at me that she hasn't even attempted to apologize or clarify her feelings.
I guess I am coming to realize that our friendship has always been way more about her than me... and at this point, I don't really think that she is a person I would like to continue a relationship with.
I don't really know what I am looking for posting here... I guess maybe some insight as to what I can do? Or what the heck she might be thinking? How do I avoid her at family parties? argh. Can you please tell me I am not crazy? O_O
Re: Unsupportive Cousin?
I don't think a text message was the best way to approach it. I think a conversation, either getting together or a phone conversation, would have been more productive? At least you could have talked it out.
Honestly, she's entitled to her opinion, though she should have kept it to herself. Did she honestly think her comments to your father wouldn't have gotten back to you?
I don't know that I would worry so much about what she's thinking and avoiding her at family parties. Nothing has really happened, right? If you no longer want to spend time with her, you don't have to, but there's no reason to avoid her or not be civil when you do get together.
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
I think this is smart:
I guess I am coming to realize that our friendship has always been way more about her than me... and at this point, I don't really think that she is a person I would like to continue a relationship with.
I think this is the opposite of smart:
I sent her a text message saying that I was very disappointed in her reaction
If you are seriously upset with someone close to you, do not text, do not email. call or visit them and ask "why did you react the way you did when you found out I was pregnant?" talk about how, sure it might not be for her, but it's your decision and I'd ask why it is so upsetting to her? But be direct. A text message on a serious subject never brings much clarity.
You know who is REALLY unsupportive of his cousin? the Sherriff of Nottingham.
at least she didn't use a spoon.
Haha, thanks for the reality check.
And I realize that sounded dumb. To clarify I mean, that it won't be possible to just not see her. Unfortunately I will be at many of the same functions for the rest of my life.
annnnd you win Katie.
I realize in my head this is not a big deal in the large scheme of things, but I can't help but feel hurt by what she said. I thought we were really close and it feels like such a betrayal for her to say she wants nothing to do with my (future) children.
I guess I just need some time to get better perspective.
Thanks for the advice LilBlkDress and LynDel. I will just see her when I see her, and maybe once I have some distance I would want to talk to her about it.
He was a surprised by it too. I would rather not have known.
You're SOOOOO good looking!
yes.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
How old is your cousin? Is she married? Is there the possibility that she could have fertility problems?
Or maybe she just knows that there's going to be someone else that you have to give all of your attention to now so she won't be able to AW to you.
In any event, it sounds like the response is more her problem than it is yours. She'll get over it, and if she doesn't, well, that says it all.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Or maybe she doesn't like kids. Who cares?
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton