Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Its been a rough week... (long vent)
HI ladies. I've been MIA for a bit because of work, the new house and honestly a bit of family drama at home. I've been having trouble with my teen son really acting out at school and at home.
The nuts and bolts of it is that, shame on me, my son never got the therapy he needed during and after the divorce. He handled things well and I assumed stupidly that he was ok, even though he was not happy about what happened.
Of course, the speed in which my relationship developed with my BF didn't help. I understand that and I realize that it was all very fast and I never allowed my son to have a voice in me dating someone new, moving-in, etc. I honestly didnt think it was his place to dictate my life, but I realize that he should have at least had a voice in it.
Also, in my desire to make my BF (who does not have kids) feel included and respected, I believe I gave him too much authority in parenting my son which then caused my son to build resentment and anger towards him. I cannot believe that only now do I realize that my son quickly went from having 2 parents to having 4 and that anything he did wrong was echoed around the world and he felt he would never hear the end of it. I can only imagine how hard all this has been for him.
Even though it does not excuse his slacking off in school, getting in trouble, being disrespectful, lying, arguing, making excuses, etc etc etc - I can definitely see that our actions as adults (his father and I) caused my son to be pushed into a corner.
That being said, what is done is done and I definitely need to make some changes now. 1. we obviously need therapy - all of us. I cannot force anyone else to go besides me and my son, but I hope that everyone will be supportive in this request. 2. We need to back down the parenting to my ex and myself. period. I could understand if one of us were deadbeat parents, but we are both involved in raising our son, and that should be good enough. The GF and my BF should be there as supportive adults, but do not need to be the discipliners. 3. My ex and I need to get on the same page about developing boundaries for our son of what is and is not ok and we BOTH have to stick with it. This is going to be a lot harder than it sounds because my ex is not the type to be consistent or "try very hard" at things, especially when it comes to personal relationships. I hope I can break through this problem - for my son.
It has been a very long, tiring and exhaustive week, but I think Im finally starting to see the light and I hope there is still time to make things right.
Re: Its been a rough week... (long vent)
This part is hard. Its hard enough to find a counselor you mesh well with, let alone one that can mesh with you, your son, your BF, and your ex. eek. I almost dont know where to start.
Start at the begining!
Google family counselors in your area to see what's available. Some will list their specialties, some might have "reviews" from past clients. Ask around to see if you know anyone who could recommend someone. Talk to your son's pediatrician to see if he/she knows someone. Talk to your son's school counselor to see if he/she knows someone.
And don't feel bad if you meet with one (or a few) and they don't "click". You're always able to try another (and another) until one of them feels like a good fit for your family.