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Moving Out
Good Morning Ladies and Gents (for those online), I have a question and would like 100% honest answers. (judgemental, informing, wise, etc)
I am an engaged college student who will in the fall be transferring to a new school and do not wish to live on such an expensive campus. I have a few options: stay with my aunt or shack up with my fiance. Of course the better option is my aunt (DUH) but she does not have enough room in her home for me to stay unless I am on the couch and I just feel like I would just be an added stress rather than anything good. Then there's my fiance, I would love to stay with him BUT I was raised where "shacking" is damn near "sinning". I love my fiance, true enough, and we will be married in just about 3 more years, but I do feel like if I "shack" it will take away a bit of the excitement of getting married but also I wouldn't know how to tell my parents?
"Hey mah and 'you' (her husband), I'm moving out. You guys made me feel worthless all my life and treated me like sh*t becasue I wasn't this perfect little girl and now I'm moving out and "shacking" with my boyfriend. By the way, we're engaged and you may not be invited to the wedding. Alright bye."
I just can't see that happening. The outcome may take me back to childhood nightmares. I would greatly appreciate a few wise words. Anyone that may have went through the same, or even someone who just has an opinion. I need some insight. Thanx.
Re: Moving Out
So why is getting an off-campus place of your own we with roommates like a normal college student not an option?
If you do move in with your boyfriend/fianc?, I don't see how any of that drama needs to be included in the conversation with your parents. Do they not realize you'll be moving out to go to the new school?
Do you actually live with your parents now and haven't told them about your engagement? Why is that? I'd see that as a pretty big red flag about the relationship honestly.
"If you wanna win then you shoulda put a hat on it. Don't be mad when you see a knit cap won it. If you wanna win then you shoulda put a hat on it."- Fenton
I wasn't raised conservative, and I get that there's enormous pressures there I never had to face, so it can be hard for me to understand. Why, WHY would you hold on to the ideals of people who made you feel bad your whole life? What are your own ideals and how can you live up to them?
That said, I'll echo Wendy's advice and suggest looking into roommates with affordable housing. When we move straight out of one bad situation and into a new one, it can be really easy to recreate the circumstances that made us miserable in the first. Only because on some level we've learned to be comfortable, it's familiar and we need to do the work of learning to live otherwise first. On our own.
Besides, you don't want to be looking back at 35 or 45 and realizing you've never been independent: only living with a parent or an SO your whole life. I have friends struggling with this right now, and while they wouldn't do anything to jeopardize their mostly happy marriages, there's a deep feeling of regret there.
"The meek shall inherit the earth" isn't about children. It's about deer. We're all going to get messed the fuckup by a bunch of cloned super-deer.- samfish2bcrab
Sometimes I wonder if scientists have never seen a sci-fi movie before. "Oh yes, let's create a super species of deer. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG." I wonder if State Farm offers a Zombie Deer Attack policy. -CaliopeSpidrman
If YOU don't want to live together with your fiance before you get married, because of YOUR own personal beliefs and reasons, then that's valid. But if it's what you want to do, and something you don't believe it wrong, don't let these people (who have clearly mistreated you) dictate your adult life decisions.
And I agree with whoever said previously that there are more housing options than just those two that you named.
Don't live with your aunt. Don't live with your fiance. Live with roommates.
Problem solved.
Than you to everyone that commented I do greatly appreciate them. The good, the bad, the touching and unwanted, thank you. THe reason I did "rant about the parent scenario" for those who didn't care to read it, I give complete scenarios when I ask for "help." I paint the picture so you can see the entire conflict from all areas. Another comment, the roomate thing. I am a loner, I like to have my own space at time and I also like to trust whoever is around me. I'm going to a new schoolin the fall and know no one there so that, I'm not to keen about. The long enagement, I love him him and vice versa. Three ring relationship. (nuff said)
DECISION: Move on out, get my OWN apartment.