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Vent/question: does your DH clean?
My DH goes through phases of helping me clean and then, just - not. Lately, I feel like I'm following him around to try and keep this house somewhat organized and presentable. I'm no where close to a neat freak, but this is exhausting.
Example: on his day off, I'll ask him to start the laundry so it doesn't pile up. I work retail and usually don't have weekends off. I'll come home at 11pm and the laundry is still piled up. He will say that he needed a weekend to relax. However, then when it is my day off, he will ask me to do the laundry and if I don't start it, he will ask when I'm going to do it!
Do your DHs help you clean? Our house is 1900 square feet and right now I feel like I can't keep up anymore. I'm exhausted.
I apologize for being whine-y and such a complainer.
ETA: my acknowledgment of my pity party.
Re: Vent/question: does your DH clean?
Only if I ask him to, which is fine with me. I just tell him what to do, he does it.
He would never, ever say no because the things I ask him to do are pretty reasonable considering all of the things that need to be done.
I don't let him do laundry though. He's terrible at it. The loads are either way too big or way too small, he uses way too much detergent, and he dries everything on the wrong setting so I end up running the dryer twice.
Yeah, I would not be too happy with DH if he acted like that.
DH does help around the house. He cleans the bathrooms, YIPPEE! He also cleans up after he cooks something, empties the dishwasher sometimes, takes care of trash and litter box. I put the laundry in the washer but when it comes out of the dryer, he will fold his own clothes. I pretty much do the rest of the cleaning, but he will pitch in with that when I ask. I should also point out he takes care of all the yard work and outside maintenance, so I really don't feel like I have anything to complain about.
Yes, DH and I share the housework. He isn't very good at noticing when something needs to be done, but is more than willing to do it when I ask, and has certain stuff that's just his to do daily.
It also helps to ask if he can do x while I do y. In your case, it would be I'm going to take care of x on Tuesday while I'm off, please do y on Saturday.
Yes, he does, he has to.
I will say, he's neater than I am, but he doesn't actually understand how to CLEAN things.
So, since I would let things (like, makeup that is out of its place or jeans I can rewear) pile up on my dresser/ side table, whatever and then pick everything up on weekends, whereas he prefers to do a basic pick up every night before bed and a load of laundry every other day, we go with what our strengths are. He does more on the every day basis and I do more of the deeper cleaning on weekends, plus I cook every night.
Stand up for something you believe in.
I like to say that my H is allergic to cleaning. He never feels good when I tell him we need to clean.
So we hired a cleaning lady.
My DH, likes yours, goes through phases. I can't complain though because he has never complained or nagged at me about cleaning. We have a small townhome and I normally can clean it top to bottom in a few hours when I get on a cleaning kick. H gets on cleaning kicks too and sometimes I come home to a nice clean surprise.
I most often do the laundry and H helps me fold. Once when I had spent the majority of the day doing, folding and putting laundry away I left his folder boxers and misc other items on the dresser and told him to put them away. He whined that why didn't I just do it? I looked at him in all seriousness and said if he had a problem with his personal laundry service I needed the complaint in writing and it would take 4 to 6 weeks for processing. He hasn't complained since. Maybe you just need to lay down the law to you H.
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My H is a neat freak and hates clutter. However, he works a pretty stressful job, while I'm a SAHW and full-time student. Thus, I clean.
He has always and will always responsible for cleaning the litter box and picking up after the dog.
"I wish I could have sparkly tits every single day of my life." --MUNI
This made me laugh. I actually think it's a good idea. Last night, I asked him to flip and put away the laundry. One pile is folded, sitting on the kitchen table, not put away and the other is still in the dryer. I think that's what gets me. He does enough to show a little effort but never really completes what I ask him to do.
In your situation, your husband should really be helping out with the laundry if you're working. This "need time to relax" crap is bull.
Laundry is the easiest chore in the whole house. Turn on the water, put soap in, check pockets, put laundry in, and wait a long time for it to be done. Put it in the dryer, put in another load, wait a long time for it to be done. Sounds like a lot of relaxing time in between loads. Use that logic next time you ask him. Sometimes men need to also be reminded of all you do for them. It's not too much to ask him to do one chore- the easiest chore ever.
My husband cleans when I ask him to help out, but he won't do it without being told. Which is okay, just having him help out when I ask is more than most wives get so I'm grateful.
His one chore used to be the dishes. I used to absolutely hate doing dishes when we were first married. (Mostly because I was too stupid to realize if you rinse them right away you don't have to scrub nasty food off them.) So I asked him before we got married if he could do that one chore and I'd do everything else. Yeah, they'd pile up in the sink and he'd do them once every month or two, we'd use paper plates, and now we have a whole bunch of rusty silverware that won't come clean. I guess it's not so bad though cause it was cheap and I just got some really nice, elegant silverware on sale.
Needless to say, I have taken over the dishes. We bought our own home in March, and we now have a working dishwasher. This is incredibly helpful! Our dishwasher in our townhouse we rented didn't even work properly, left grey puddles on the floor and didn't get the dishes clean at all. Now I just rinse them and put them straight into the dishwasher and they come clean easily. I wish I'd realized how easy it could be the first year of our marriage! :P
(Cascade complete packs help a lot too. I thought they were too expensive to bother with but they're actually not that much. It's been a month and a half and we're not even a quarter of the way through the box of em, and our dishes come out nice and shiny!)
When we bought our own home I became a neat freak and started cleaning all the time. We had it custom built on a corner lot right next to a park in the nice area of town and we made it completely our own by picking carpet, tile, cabinets, exterior colors, fixtures, appliances, landscaping, etc. We even did some of our own improvements after we moved in. I find that now that we own our own home I take pride in it, and I always want it to look nice. Plus it's much easier to concentrate on things or relax when you have a clean home.
Our old townhouse was usually a huge mess and we'd work on cleaning it up for a whole weekend and every night the following week and the next weekend to get it done. But within a few weeks it was a disaster area again- dirty laundry, fast food bags and pizza boxes everywhere.
I began cleaning stuff up as soon as we were finished with it. So it's spotless now. The problem is, my husband hasn't picked up this habit so I'm always picking up after him. He leaves his dirty work uniforms in the living room, brings in all kinds of random papers and stuff and puts them on the couch or ottoman and just leaves them there, brings home random parts and pieces from work (I don't know what they are) and leaves them on the ottoman, and generally just messes things up for me every day! I always thought I was the more disorganized one in our relationship, but no. It's him! :P I wish he wouldn't just leave stuff everywhere for me to clean up. But if I ask him to put stuff away he does it. Only problem is for every thing he puts away there's ten more things out of place within the next 30 minutes. :P
He does help me with the vaccuuming though. We got this really awesome Kirby vaccuum cleaner (I always said I'd never spend more than 200 dollars on a vaccuum but this thing is amazing, it converts to a carpet shampooer/cleaner, furniture sweeping attachments, etc. So worth it!) and with three young dogs it's a lifesaver. I don't know how to switch modes or anything though so he always helps me with that and he even vacuums for me if I'm too tired and I ask him to.
Most stuff around the house I just do myself. But it's always nice to have help when I need it and I appreciate my husband for helping out. I don't work outside the home right now so I don't mind doing everything. I just wish sometimes he didn't make extra work for me. :P But hey, that's life!
Luckily he's very competent. He lived on his own for three years before we got married (he's in the army) and he had to do his own laundry and keep everything neat for barracks inspections. He knows how to cook, clean, and do pretty much everything, so if I'm sick or hurt he is more than capable of picking up the slack, and he is capable of doing whatever I ask him to do. So I'm REALLY lucky in that aspect!
His every day "chores" include loading the dishwasher and cleaning the litterbox. He does his own laundry, takes out the trash/recycling and always cleans up after himself.
Everything else I do, unless I get behind(which happens to us all), in which case he is happy to help in any way I ask. It works for us. I'm a SAHM and feel that my main motivation for what I do during the day allows us to have quality time together as a family when he gets home from work. It works for us, and he regularly acknowledges me for all I do(as I do him). Maybe setting a routine for daily and weekly chores would help? That way, he knows x must be done by ?day and there isn't a constant power struggle. Good luck and hope you can get some time in for yourself soon!
Mine only cleaned when I had to ask him. We used to fight about this. We started a cleaning schedule when I was pregnant with my son. It has helped tremendously. We stopped fighting. You can see what we want to be done that day. You can see what got done what didn't. My house was cleaner that when I had only one child.
Now, SO has been working out of town so everything has been on me. The schedule still helps me stay on top of things still.
Very rarely and I usually have to ask. It's a huge sore point for me. We've discussed and he says he doesn't see dirt like I do and that I am compulsive when it comes to cleaning. We fight about cleaning a lot and always have (17 years together)
We've talked about us each having our own to-do list (aka chores) but it has never happened.
I just need to hire a cleaning person!!!
Of course he cleans. He's an adult and he lived on his own before we lived together.
That said, his version of clean isn't quite the same as mine. He is very willing to help out, and it takes some practice, but for the most part, he does things he knows have to be done, as well as things I ask him to do specifically. By specifically, I don't mean "clean the bathroom." I mean, "Can you spray down the tile, wipe out the sink and faucet, clean the mirror, clean the toilet, and mop the bathroom? Please put the towels and bathmat in the washer before you start so it's clean when they're done washing." Chores he does because he knows they just have to be done involve taking out the trash, starting/changing/bringing in/folding laundry, cleaning the litter boxes, and doing dishes (he does all the dishes, I do all the cooking, and we do not have a dishwasher). He doesn't do the dishes to my specifications exactly (he doesn't wipe the counters or sink after), but that's a very small sacrifice to make for the work he does. The other chores I mentioned we split, but it's more like, "I'll do the cat boxes, since you did them last week," or "Do you mind getting the laundry when it's done? I'm really tired and I'm going to go to bed early."
He's also not as neat/picked up as I am, though we both have our quirks. My desk is usually a little messy. His desk and all of the areas around it are messy! I have to walk through the den to get to my closet/dressing room and his shoes are in the way every day. But at least it's just 1 room of the house that his piles are (mostly) confined to.
40/112
My DH does not clean.
However, he does lots of chores and household tasks. He is the master dishwasher loader/unloader (By master I mean he's telling me "no, that plate goes over here so we can get more in"). He cleans the litter boxes (and we have 4 of them). He does laundry a lot more than I do.
He does not clean bathrooms/tubs/toilets or sinks of any kind. He does not wipe down the kitchen counter. He very rarely vaccuums and I have never seen him mop even once in the last 10 years. He sweeps up if there's spilled cat litter, but no other sweeping.
But I'll take toilets over dishes and the majority of the laundy.
This is us, to a T.
{Blog: Adventures of AlaskanAlison}
He didn't used to. Then I started throwing away any dirty dishes he left on the counter or in the sink for me to clean. I started throwing away the clothes he left for me to wash. I quit sweeping and let the dog hair pile up to absolutely disgusting proportions. He eventually got the message. We are both adults, and we both live in this home. I am not his mother, and I am not his maid. He will help me clean. Period.
(I know you're all so jealous of my DH right now. LOL!)
my husband probably cleans more than I do (he'll clean while i watch the kids, etc). we are a team- he doesn't think anything is my job b/c i'm a woman.
he does the dishes 99% of the time... he does the laundry 99% of the time (I fold and put it away 99% of the time)...... he does almost all vacuuming.... he is awesome.