I was a balling mess this weekend after a lady at the store came to me to say that I looked like I was not having fun shopping and when shopping for home d?cor, that it should be fun. She told me to breathe and not to rush. I realized I was working too hard to try to make my place my own for ds and I. I wanted so badly to have it all done that weekend.
Then it finally hit me hard?I couldn?t move forward because I didn?t want to say ?Goodbye? to my ex emotionally and mentally. Life is too strange without him and more difficult. I really did love him so much and I thought our marriage was beautiful. The news of the divorce was practically a life change that happened overnight for me. He still won?t tell me exactly why and we will be officially divorced tomorrow after a 6 months wait after filing in CA.
So, I guess what I am trying to say that this feels more like loss, a death rather than a very bad break-up. So I think I am going to write a eulogy and do a private service. I am hoping this will bring some sort of way for me to fully let go and say ?goodbye? truly.
Re: I am going to plan a funeral!
When you don't see it coming it can be much more difficult. You were probably in shock for a while. Do what you have to to move forward.
Thanks! I was actully quite shocked at myself for feeling this way this weekend after 9 months.