Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I don't know how to deal with this..
Last week my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and I don't know how to deal with the news. The good news is that the doctor's caught it early. I've always been my mother's rock in everything she has faced and we've been through a lot together. This news has just left me depressed and very scared. I've been trying to support the best way I can and being there for her. But I'm just so afraid of losing her. I just don't know how to handle all this. Any ideas on how to deal?
Re: I don't know how to deal with this..
My suggestion is to just be there for your mom. Ask her what she wants you to do. Does she want you to go to her appointments? Will she need you to take care of her during treatment? Would she prefer that you go about things as if nothing changed?
It's scary. But it's treatable. If she needs you to be strong - do it. Lean on your DH, SO, or friends when you need someone to be your rock.
My mom was diagnosed in 2005 - she moved in with me and she handled everything in her own way (she preferred to be sick in private and to go about like things were normal). You'll just have to talk to her - or read her ques. The good news is my mom underwent a mastectomy, radiation, and chemo and has been cancer free for more than 5 years. You can do this. PM me if you need to talk.
A social worker, the ACS and other groups that specialize in helping those with critically ill loved ones are your ace in the hole, too.
If you are spiritual, talk to your clergyperson.
Wishing you the best. I have been there too. Take care.
My mom also had BC it sucks, it is so scary, and the not knowing is the worst.
Make sure she gets a few opinions on treatments, there are so many!
Its hard to say how to help her since you dont know what her treatments will be, but just be there for her...cry with her, hug her, talk to her about it, dont make it taboo.
There are many wonderful support groups out there for her and many great success stories.
You are in my thoughts,,,and remember her chances of a full recovery are good!
Thank you all so much for your kind words.
I'm just being there for her and do little things for her. Like tonight I cooked dinner knowing how preoccupied her mind is and coming home from work would be too much for her today. I just listen to what she says.
I've been keeping a mental record of what her wants are. She says them here and there and I keep them in mind.
Again, thank you.
I'm sorry.
Just be there for her and help her however you can. You said they caught it early, so have faith.
I am so sorry! I feel like your mom's prognosis since they caught it early is very good.
I think right now what you're doing is perfect--cooking meals, listening to her, taking mental notes. I think once you know the treatment choice, you can also look at more specific help--being with her during chemo or coordinating dressing changes, etc.
I am sorry you and your mother have to go through this.
I'm sorry you are going through this. It is very scary thing to have to deal with - and your emotions are completely understandable.
My dad was diagnosed with colon cancer last year and did 6 months of chemo. The best advice I have is just be there for him. He was stuck in the house a lot, so my sister and I would visit to relieve him of some of the boredom of being stuck inside all day.
For yourself, take care of yourself. Whether that means exercise, eating right, or taking spa days (or even looking for support on here!)
i know what you're going through. i was standing in a toys'r'us 6 years ago when my mom called me to say that she had breast cancer, and i just broke down there in the store. her's was also an early catch and she's doing great now, but it was so scary.
be there for your mother when she needs to talk, but don't forget about yourself either. i was such a mess of emotions when my mother was diagnosed. if you live close to her, you could offer to drop by with food, to do laundry, gardening, etc - whatever might help her out and take some of the strain off. if you don't live close, think about a care package or just calling more frequently.
My mom was diagnosed and treated for breast cancer last year.
Her doctor told her the news would be harder on her adult daughters than it would be on her. She felt that was probably true!
What my mom needed was different, depending on the stage of treatment. I'll briefly share my experience with you:
Early on: I spent a lot of time talking on the phone about doctors, medical treatments, etc. She had to choose a surgeon and an oncologist, and wanted to talk it over. She didn't necessarily want me to go to the appointments, with her, just to listen and help her sort out the info. She also had to decide between lumpectomy and mastectomy, and we spent some time talking about that decision. There are LOTS of appointments during this time!
Around the time of the surgery: The surgery itself was surprisingly easy, even though my mom opted for the mastectomy. My dad pretty much took care of her during the immediate days after.
During chemo: Early on, my mom found the chemo treatments to be not so bad. She would feel lousy (like the flu) on the day after, but then snap back. After several treatments, it just took its toll. I helped her out during the later stretches by doing some errands, driving her when she was really tired, helping with scarves/headwear when she started losing her hair, cooking for her and my dad occasionally.
It's incredibly scary, but for many, many, many women, it amounts to a pretty yucky year of treatment and then life goes on. My mom was diagnosed in February 2011. Today, she's pretty much back to normal, with the addition of a few scars! Hang in there and best wishes for health and healing to your mom.
I wish I had good advice. I would see if she wants you to go to her appointments with her. I would bring her food and help out around the house. My grandma has been battling breast cancer. She had a mastectomy and had a really easy recovery. She cannot take pain pills for other medical reasons and was hardly in any pain the next day with no medication. She did require some help tending to her bandages after the surgery.
She is not a candidate for chemotherapy due to other medical issues. Unfortunately her cancer had spread, so she had to go through radiation after the mastectomy. The radiation was rough on her. She is a widow and needed a lot of help around the house. She had no energy. My family stepped in and made schedules for cooking and cleaning for her. She had some pain and compared it to a sunburn. I think the radiation was only for 6 weeks or so. She has been doing great afterward.
I think that's the most important part. My dad fought his cancer for 5 years before finally losing his battle April 6th.
It's going to be a damn rollercoaster, you're going to be stressed. Make time for your friends, your hobbies, and your passions in life- you cannot stop living your life because of your mom's diagnosis. That was my biggest mistake and my personal life has suffered immensely because of it. I realized after dad died that I hadn't had a girls night in 6+ months, and I hadn't even gone to coffee with a friend in 14 weeks.
UPDATE:
My mom has chosen to have an lumpectomy with a 5-7 week course of radiation. Her surgeon informed he doesn't know what stage of breast cancer she has but that it looks very treatable. I'm just relieved she'll be treated before I move away from home this August. I'm being there for her and doing what I can.
Thank you all for your kind words!