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How to talk to a friend who might call off her wedding?
I have a close friend and I know she doesn't want to get married, but agreed to, and now I think she might call it off. How do I bring this up without hurting her?
Back story: Her fiance asked her to marry him at least 5 different times before she said yes. A few weeks before my wedding, she kept asking me, "Aren't you scared? Aren't you worried? The whole idea of marriage scares the crap out of me!" After I got married, I told her that nothing changed. I didn't feel different, I was still the same person.
When she went for her dress fitting, she kept saying that she felt sick, and wanted to throw up. Once the dress was on, she kept saying that it didn't feel like a wedding dress.
This past Saturday, was her bachelorette party. She was supposed to fly up, because she was at her wedding location. At 10am, I asked her when she was supposed to land. She said she didn't know. I thought that was odd. At 1pm, she texted me that she missed her flight. I asked how, she said she didn't know. So I had to cancel her party. Besides that, this Sat. was her last dress fitting. She said she'll be up next Sat, which is the last weekend before her wedding. I think she might not show up again.
I just found it odd that she missed an afternoon flight, and that she couldn't even lie and said there was traffic. I think she did this on purpose, and that she's freaking out about this wedding. I've tried talking to her before, but she says there isn't a problem. How do I bring this up again, without hurting her feelings, or have her feel like I'm gaining up on her? I won't force her to walk down the aisle, I just need to know what's going through her mind.
Re: How to talk to a friend who might call off her wedding?
I think I would call her up and say something like this:
Friend, I am concerned about you right now. I love you and I am here to support you, so is there anything that you would like to talk about?
I feel like you are extremely nervous in regards to this wedding and I am here to help you- no matter what it is that you would like me to do, whether it's to help you pee in that dress or to call people and tell them not to come.
If she doesn't want to talk about it, she won't. You can't force her to, but you can make it clear that you are there to listen and that you are not judging her one way or the other. You actually don't need to know what's going through her mind, but you do need to let her know that as a friend, you care.
A lot of the examples you've mention may just be random? She may have been sick when getting her dress fitted? Maybe at one time she was not ready to be married, but has since changed her mind? She could have just missed her flight - why did you want her to lie to you?
Has she talked to you about actual doubts she has about her relationship? With the examples you provided, I don't see much evidence that she doesn't want to get married. Maybe I would generate a conversation discussing her actions - missing the party/flight or feeling sick, but I wouldn't really tell her she shouldn't get married based on the information you provided in this post.
Sorry I didn't make my post more clear for fear of writing too much. She wasn't sick at her dress fitting. I thought that at first. But it was the look in her face that spoke volumes. I mentioned there, that if she didn't want to go through with it, now would be the time to say something. She didn't say anything, except the fact that he moved to a new city for her. (I guess she feels trapped?)
As for her flight, when I asked how/why she missed her flight, she simply said, "I don't know." To me and all her friends that planned/came to her bachelorette party, it seemed like she didn't care. That was actually a little hurtful. I wanted her to lie so that it at least seemed like she cared. People came from out of state for her, and she can't tell us why she missed her flight? Or even give them an "I'm sorry you came all this way." I felt bad for them, and it seemed like they wanted answers.
She doesn't have doubts relationship wise. She loves her fiance, she just doesn't want to get married. She's mentioned that a lot in the past. But when I or another friend tried talking about it back then, she said she's fine. But now that the big day is coming up and fast, I think she's really feeling it.