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Dear Prudence craziness
Q. Family?: My husband's youngest sister and her husband are infertile and had several rounds of IVF with no success. They approached me and my husband about surrogacy. I reluctantly agreed, after a lot of pressure from my husband and his family, and was implanted with embryos consisting of my sister-in-law's eggs and donor sperm.
I am now six months pregnant. Last week we found out that my sister-in-law left her husband and is now living in another country with a lover. Brother-in-law told my husband last night that he was filing for divorce and wants nothing more to do with our family, including this child I'm carrying.
We are attempting to contact my husband's sister but she is not returning our calls. We know she is OK because she has been in contact with his parents and has "explained the whole thing to them."We, apparently, are not going to hear the whole story and I have no idea what is going to happen with this baby I am carrying. My husband said we may have to keep it and raise until his sister figures out what she wants to do. His family agrees.
I feel like I have fallen through the looking glass. Our youngest is 7 years old and I do not want to have to go back to diapers, bottles, and midnight wake-ups. I also don't want to bring a child into our home and raise it never knowing when his sister might show up and take it. No one is listening to me. I don't even know what legal obligations I am going to have toward this child. I can't even think straight right now. I would really appreciate some advice.
Re: Dear Prudence craziness
OMG...
who writes to Dear Prudence and waits for an answer to such time sensitive problems?
get a lawyer.
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home DFunnily enough, that's Prudie's answer.
A: You need to do what you should have done before you got near a Petri dish: Contact a lawyer. Yes, it's a little late, now that the baby is gestating and both parents have taken off, but you need an expert in surrogacy and family law to help guide you through this mess. The parents who enlisted you surely have some legal obligation to you and to the fetus you're carrying. All this, including the option of placing the baby for adoption if no one in the family wants to raise this child, has to be sorted out. You can't do this alone; get the law on your side.
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For real.
Also, I would kick a husband to the curb who tried to pressure me into carrying someone else's child. That is not OK.
That is seriously messed up.
Definately talk to a surrogacy lawyer. I wouldn't jump to dump the husband, but pressuring her to be a surrogate, figuring they'll just have to keep the baby until sister gets the head out of the ass, and not listening to his wife's concerns about the cray-cray situation? I'd at least talk to a divorce lawyer, also.
So, what did Prudence advise? Get a GD lawyer, dumb@ss?
Anything you can achieve through hard work, you could also just buy.
Unless this lady is related to that chick on babycenter who let her H jizz inside of his lesbian BFF at a hotel a few weeks ago.
Say what?
Hmm. Makes me wonder if the "donor sperm" was really as anonymous as they generally are.
ALso, crazy situation. Poor woman. She needs to talk to a divorce lawyer.
I think that was posted over here. Let me find the link..
ETA here it is
Possibly the letters in their columns, but not the comments posted on the WaPo chats. This was a chat submission.
idk what this means, luv
You don't think people on WaPo chat make up crazy stories to see if they'll get published?
I've read some doozies in my day. I'll believe a lot, but I've seen some obviously fake ones published with the columnist giving very tongue-in-cheek answers.
40/112
You guys, it's things like this that I like. Make me realize that no matter what I messed up in life, I'm still doing OK.
Filed under: Problems I will never have.
This gives me heart palpitations just thinking of it.
Also, Team Kick Hubby to the Curb!
She said that she thinks the columnists combine several boring letters. That *may* happen, I don't know. But I know for a fact that doesn't happen in Post chats -- what you submit is what gets posted.
Now, do people submit crazy made up ish? Probably, but that's not what we're talking about here.
Made up OR at least compilations. Either way. I never assumed they were compilations. Who knows? (At least with the regular columns.)
40/112
I hate to break it to the divorcing BIL, but depending on which state he lives in, he may be legally responsible for that baby, regardless of biology - he actively participated in the creation of this child as an Intended Parent, and courts have found Intended Parents to be legally liable for child support, even when they were not biologically related.
Ugh.
This woman needs to contact a lawyer and have lawyer inform both "parents" that either someone shows up to get this kid before it leaves the hospital, or she finds it loving adoptive parents. Eff the husband's family. They pushed her into this, and she owes them absolutely nothing.
Meredith, 6-1-06 and Alex, 11-5-09