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XP: T&Ps and a request to listen to me whinge for a bit
I posted this a couple of days ago in H&F, and not much has changed aside from getting further smacked with the reality of the situation. Still not sleeping or eating well, and my running has been diastrous. I'm feeling a bit calmer about the whole thing, but DH has kind of started his long freak out.
So, once upon a time DH was born with a crappy heart arrhythmia and it started tearing at his aorta and valve. He had part of his aorta and all of his valve replaced about 9 years ago (thus July).
Yesterday's annual cardiologist appointment did not bring good news.
The
replacement graft and valve, which were supposed to last 12-15 years,
are on their way out already, as seen via his echo yesterday. He's being
scheduled for a contrast dye MRI later this month (as soon as he gets
the referral/insurance okay), and then he's meeting with his original
cardiac surgeon up in Maine after that to get a second opinion and to
probably schedule surgery. All things being realistic, if this
cardiologist isn't blowing smoke up our butts, surgery is going to
happen within a year.
Aside from the blanket statement of "this
leaves us virtually fscked", this honestly could not be happening at a
worse time (is there ever really a good time for a shitstorm forecast
though?). We JUST pretty much got over and are moving on from last
year's epic 365 days of total carnageariffic diaster, where my mother,
grandfather, aunt, and one of my best friends passed away. DH was
incredibly strong for me and now it's my turn to be there for him
through all of this. This "being there" will include taking a leave of
absence from my PhD program (included in this year is a deadlined 365
days of grant funding that was awarded to me, first paycheck is in May)
to take care of him, probably in Maine if he chooses to stick with his
original surgeon, and will put our life plans on hold of getting the
hell out of SW VA and moving back to civilization. This may also
permanently put our plans of having kids on hold, because in DH's mind,
he doesn't want to make it unfair to any kids to watch him have to go
through this every 10-15 years. My brain is a fustercluck this morning
after all this whirlwind talk last night. I picked at tasty food. I
never do that. I stared at the ceiling until 3:30 this morning.
This
morning was one of probably 3 runs in the past 2 years where I just
couldn't run away from my brain. I cried in the weight room at the gym,
and then I felt like a dork. Especially because this isn't about me, but
DH getting through this.
/vent
Re: XP: T&Ps and a request to listen to me whinge for a bit
Not being in your situation, I'm not really sure what to say, except, If your DH will have his health, and this problem can be fixed now, and can be fixed again in the future, then that is good news.
So you put your life on hold for a little bit, and you need to reroute your plans for a little while, at least you will have one happy and healthy DH at the end of it. Plus I think kids at ten years old would cope with this, and kids at 20 years old would cope even better.
You are a capable and resourceful person, you will make it work. Chin up, lots of hugs, and put away the ice-cream!!!
Hope that helps. :0/
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Being the worrier and overthinker that I am, I think I would stay up every night and stare at the ceiling too. This is really sad news because it will definitely cost you lost of stress, change of plans in your life, and possibly a huge financial strain. However, try to look at the bright side - this is doable. It is hard now, but once its done and he is healthy and well for the next decade, you will be back to your life and plans. Who knows, maybe it dislodged because he was younger, moving around a lot, straining their heart (as you can tell, I have no idea why it would displace), but now that he will live a more relaxed live the new surgery might last him longer.
Lots of hugs and vibes your way - don't hesitate to share with us - we're here to help you go through this!!!
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I'm really sorry Moshi, you've had more then your share of health related stresses or losses, and this has got to be exhausting.
Though I am inclined to worry and stress relentlessly about things, I would agree that perhaps the fact that this can be "fixed", albeit short term, should be an indication that you should count any blessings in this bulls!t situation (as deeply buried or as thin as they are) and consider that he will be ok in the end...he really will.
Now, I'm not saying count your blessings this second, that's insensitive (I'd be scared and furious and moping for a while myself)...cry in the shower, eat the damned ice cream just once, and let yourself feel a little. Otherwise, when you really do need to be the strong one for your DH, you may have all this pent up emotion inside, and the task will be that much harder.
And if children are something the two of you really wanted down the road, I wouldn't necessarily count them out yet. You never know what GOOD surprises life may bring you down the road.
I'm sorry about your PhD studies too. :-( You know, this is about you as well, he's your husband, and therefore it's not just his battle, but yours as well. So vent as often as you need, and try to get some sleep.
We're here for you!