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Update: Court w/ my Mom
Yesterday went pretty well. It only took 25 minutes and EXH was there. He was pretty irritated that he even had to come, especially since it was his day with the kids. But, he is listed as a respondent on the petition, so he was required to attend. The mediator first asked my Mom what she was requesting as visitation and she said that she wants "unsupervised visitation only at her home for several hours every weekend." The mediator asked EXH and I if we agreed, and we said no. My Mom then went into a whole diatribe about what a loving, wonderful grandmother she has always been and what a terrible mother I am to "rip those children away from her." She claimed that she has always dropped everything at a moment's notice to babysit, and she wants to "resume normal unsupervised visitation that she has always had."
EXH and I explained to the mediator that my Mom has a long history of manipulation, drama, control, and she basically causes problems with everyone in her life. My brother doesn't speak to her. Two of her brothers don't speak to her. Her own sister didn't talk to her for 7 years and my Mom didn't even attend her wedding. In fact, my Mom called the priest who was marrying my Aunt and Uncle and tried to convince him not to marry them. We told the mediator that my Mom has gone to everyone she knows over the last few months and said horrible things about us. She has turned the family against us. Who is to say she won't do the same to our children?
I also mentioned that my Mom recently bought two carseats for her car, and I am afraid that she will take my kids and run off with them.
To make a long story short - the mediator said, "Basically, you are the parents and you decide how to raise your children. Some say 'it takes a village,' but that doesn't apply all the time. Apparently this needs to go to a judge at this point."
So, my Mom didn't get anything and it will go to a judge.
Re: Update: Court w/ my Mom
OH and the mediator asked, "What caused this falling out in the first place?" My Mom answered, "I don't approve of a relationship that my daughter is involved in, and when I confronted her about it, she was so humiliated that she said I am not allowed to see the children anymore." (Which is so untrue. I told her she can't see the children because of her psychotic behavior).
The mediator said, "Isn't EXH dating as well?" My Mom said, "Yes." The medator said, "So, you only have an issue with your daughter being in a relationship, but not the father of the children?" My Mom said, "Exactly."
The mediator looked at her like she was nuts.
Keep any emails or texts you have ever gotten from her where she says anything crazy or untrue or where she contradicts herself.
If you go in front of a judge it always help to have thing sin writing.
The mediator said it might take about a month before we see a judge. My kids are doing fine. My son has been in counseling, but my daughter is only 2 and doesn't really know what's going on with anything. I'm holding up much better than I was a few months ago. I'm also in counseling and taking medication (which helps A LOT). How much does it suck that my own mother is doing this to me and my family? My kids haven't even asked about her.
Rightly so.
I don't see this ending up in her favor in court, although I'd be prepared for lots of lying on her part. Yikes.
This! I have a hard time visualizing the court awarding your mom visitations rights via court with this behavior. Usually they see a lot of manipulations in their line of work and probably see right through her.
I feel for you, while I understand that grandparents can feel the fear of losing their grandchildren through divorce, it is clearly she is crossing her boundaries.
Hang in there and keep focusing on what is important and everything should fall to place.
Disclaimer: not legal advice. I've only heard of one or two states where grandparents actually have visitation rights. Unless she's going to claim you're unfit I am massively confused as to wtf she thinks she's going to accomplish.
ETA: also, in your situation it sounds like your XH wants more time and neither of you gets along with Mom. Her having visitation will cut into any time either you or XH has which is exactly the opposite of what the courts are normally trying to do (avoid parental alienation)
I'm actually going to court with EXH on May 15th because I'm requesting more time with my kids. He has them for 6 days and I have them for 8 days. He requested as much time as possible so he wouldn't have to pay as much child support, however, during those 6 days, he always asks me to take the kids so he can do other things (go fishing, go on trips with his gf, etc.) I don't mind taking the kids at all, of course, but I want to receive the amount of child support that I deserve. I buy a lot of groceries and I have to pay extra for daycare when I take them extra days.
At the end of our mediation meeting, my Mom handed both of us a letter (EXH and I) that said something like, "You are aware that you have property in my home. If you do not remove this property by May 1st, it becomes mine to do with as I see fit." I said to her, "As if this is going to help us resolve anything so you can have visitation with our kids."