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My first orgasm by FI or a man in general (kinda long)
Bolded for cliff notes
FI is the only person I've been with and we've been together for 6 years. I had some second thoughts about the wedding and so we had a long talk and for the first time really talked about sex. Yes, I know 6 years and not talking about that probably wasn't the best thing for us. We're trying to be more open and honest with eachother now though.
All this time I thought it was normal to not be able to because I read that some women don't have them until their 40's or whatever. Anyway I figured out that probably wasn't right especially since it's so easy for me to do it. So, I came home with a mission for FI to give me one. After quite some time of him working at it we finally figured it out.
It was OK... I mean... I don't know. It didn't feel as good as when I give them to myself. When I say that it's easy for me to do it I mean it's really easy. Like I just need to cross my legs and a few minutes later have one. Having one from the inside was way less intense than what I'm used to. It felt good while we were working up to it but the reward didn't seem worth it.
Afterward, I was excited that we finally took the time to figure it out. But after that wore off I felt "done". Normally, I can go again and again. Maybe I was just finally satisfied and didn't realise it? Or, maybe I was just wore out from working so hard at it? I thought I would feel closer to FI after having it happen but for some reason I felt more distant... What's up with that?
Re: My first orgasm by FI or a man in general (kinda long)
I have no idea where you heard that some women dont have them til 40 (Wtf? that is so arbitrary!) Not true. I mean, I'm sure SOME women don't have them til they're in their 40's, but its not some kind of general rule or anything.
Secondly, you can have an orgasm from another person and it doesn't have to be from vaginal penetration ONLY. Also not a rule. Whatever gets you off is what works, whether thats through oral only, oral and penetration, penetration and clitoral stimulation, etc.
I had never had an orgasm by another person til my last boyfriend. He actually took the time to try and figure out what would get me there by trying different things and having me squeeze his hand whenever he did something that felt really good and felt like it was getting me close to orgasm. Once we got that figured out, he could get me there in 2 minutes flat and it felt WAY better than when I just did it to myself.
Did you feel pressured to orgasm from him while this was happening? You said you had to "work so hard at it" so maybe that's why you felt "distant" ?
Its not always going to be the same, its not always going to be snugglefest lovey dovey afterward. Sometimes you dont want another hot sweaty body laying right up on you afterward. You seem to think there are all these hard and fast "rules" or expectations for sex/orgasm when there aren't. People, and sex and orgasms are unpredictable. If you're not happy with it, try again, try something different, figure out what works for YOU.
The first bolded part - I was trying hard to not be turned off by the "peeing" sensation and to stick with it even though it felt like I may never get there. I'm always the one who tells him to stop...
The second bolded part - We rarely cuddle after sex. When I say distant I mean like we had a great talk about everything the night before and I felt really close to him emotionally. After he got me off I just felt distant. Almost like I didn't like him, but not. It was weird...
Wait until 40 to have an orgasm???
You have that woefully confused with women reaching their sexual peak at 40.:)
You've never had an orgasm alone the right way --the only way to do it is to masturbate.
Do it alone; find out what gets you off. There's a great book called "Sex for One" by Betty Dobson; they call her the "mother of masturbation."
6 years...and prior to that...is a long long time to go without knowing what turns you on and what makes you orgasm.
When you find out what touches turn you on, show him.
Is he going down on you?
That's another great way to have an orgasm -- and if he isn't going down on you, why?
By no means does an orgasm feel like a peeing sensation -- when you masturbate and you're near the time you're about to get off, boy, you'll sure know what it feels like.:)
I also suggest you learn some basic anatomy and physiology of both the male and female genitalia --- there's tons of books; "Woman's Body: Owner's Manual" is a good one.
And do yourself a favor:
Postpone the wedding until this issue is resolved -- another good idea for the both of you: couples counseling so that you and he can learn how to communicate better. Better late than never for the issue that's here now; maybe you and he both came from a household where sex wasn't discussed and where nonconfrontalism was the word.
Now's not the time to not discuss sex and it sure isn't the time to be nonconfrontational. The better your communication skills as a couple, the more strength your relationship will have.:)
An orgasim from g-spot stimulation can cause a sensation like you have to pee. I'm not sure this is what OP meant but it can happen.
I've heard this too. Just relax and ride with whatever sensations you are experiencing. The very worst problem is changing the sheet, NBD.
Also, please heed the advice to learn how to communicate. Six years without an orgasm from him should have been filled with discussion/attempts to make it happen. If not, you two need to learn how to discuss each of your wants and needs.