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Update and Question
So life has been good. I got into GW grad school. I joined some writing groups. I started a blog. I have made awesome new friends. I found a new place I LOVE. I got my surgery and am slowly on the mend.
I am happy and content I think. I definitely don't have the desperation, doubt, anger or sadness I used to feel in my old life. I remember just always feeling unsettled. I am hopeful overall for my life. I know my XH was not the right fit for me. I have really gone through all the grieving stages.
But I just don't feel like myself anymore. I was looking at recent photos of myself and I no longer have that huge grin I was known for. I am not really that happy go lucky, optimistic person anymore. Not long ago I won the sunniest disposition award at work...but I just don't feel sunny anymore. I feel like even with all these awesome successes in my life, my light is just not as bright anymore. I sort of just am.
I'm worried I won't get back to that excitable, happy and silly girl I once was. I feel like I am more muted/toned down if that makes sense.
Can anyone relate?
Re: Update and Question
Give yourself a bit of a break. You'll get there. It took me awhile to feel truly like myself again because I'd spent so many years pretending and living a false life. Do things that make you happy. Put yourself out there in different circles, try new things.
I know there are several things that always make me happy:
-time with friends
-working out/eating healthy
-good wine
-a great massage
-getting a pedi
-a great vacation
Try planning fun things to look forward to and new opportunities to try. You'll get there.
I can relate. I go in cycles with my sunny disposition. But honestly, in my case it may be different.
As soon as I found out that ex didn't love me and wanted out of the marriage, I was in so much pain but you wouldn't know it from the outside. I guess I just somehow put aside what was going at home and focus on other people and everyone would comment how I "shine".
Now I still do smile but I think I am more "real" with my true feelings and that they match outwardly and inwardly via therapy.
I am sure you still shine and smile a lot but just may not be feeling that way on the inside. Sometimes I feel like I lost my light or my light is dim, but others do not seem to notice except for really close friends that I vent to.