Starting Over
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I am going to plan a funeral!

I was a balling mess this weekend after a lady at the store came to me to say that I looked like I was not having fun shopping and when shopping for home d?cor, that it should be fun.  She told me to breathe and not to rush.   I realized I was working too hard to try to make my place my own for ds and I.  I wanted so badly to have it all done that weekend. 

Then it finally hit me hard?I couldn?t move forward because I didn?t want to say ?Goodbye? to my ex emotionally and mentally.  Life is too strange without him and more difficult.  I really did love him so much and I thought our marriage was beautiful.  The news of the divorce was practically a life change that happened overnight for me.    He still won?t tell me exactly why and we will be officially divorced tomorrow after a 6 months wait after filing in CA.

So, I guess what I am trying to say that this feels more like loss, a death rather than a very bad break-up.  So I think I am going to write a eulogy and do a private service.  I am hoping this will bring some sort of way for me to fully let go and say ?goodbye? truly.

Re: I am going to plan a funeral!

  • When you don't see it coming it can be much more difficult. You were probably in shock for a while. Do what you have to to move forward.

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  • imagebeccaga16:

    When you don't see it coming it can be much more difficult. You were probably in shock for a while. Do what you have to to move forward.

    Thanks!  I was actully quite shocked at myself for feeling this way this weekend after 9 months. 

  • I am so sorry!  I can say that I've honestly felt the same.  I too was blindsided by my exh wanting a divorce.  And like you, I still can't get the truth which I think makes it all more difficult.  I had a conversation about pretty much this same thing a while ago with my therapist and she told me that she wanted me to write a letter and that we'd have some sort of a "service" to say goodbye to the past.  She told me that I could do it anyway that I wanted whether that be burying it, burning it or throwing it away.  I have yet to do it just because I haven't been in the right mind set. 
  • (Hi, lurker-turned-poster here) I'd never considered holding a service for the death of a marriage. That seems so... appropriate. Do you think it makes any difference whether there are children from the marriage? I was the one who left my marriage, but the hurt leading up to and after was enormous enough that I'm now considering doing just this to help let go of that. What a great idea!
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