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S/O sleeping with the ex
I've done it with 2 different exes-neither ended well.
Situation 1-ex BF I dated for 4 1/2 years, we had the same group of friends still and decided we could be FWB. THEN, he stopped and started dating someone else. Even though I broke up with HIM, I flipped on him and hated her. It felt like he chose her over me (even though, DUH, I broke up with him!!!) The jealousy was awful.
Situation 2-we were living together as "roommates" (also a HORRIBLE idea, FYI) and FWB. He was dating other people, I was in therapy trying to figure out why I was so codependent. I stopped the FWB and moved on and started dating. He freaked out on me, kicked me out, broke some of my stuff-crazy bad.
Needless to say-the friendship with both these men ended. Situation 1 sucked because we had so many friends in common-it ended up turning into people having to choose sides because we couldn't be in a room together and I lost some really good friends.
Has this ever worked out in the long run for ANYONE? Share!
Re: S/O sleeping with the ex
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
I shared this in the other post.
I was with a guy in college for over a year and a half. He was my first deep love and we were eachothers "first" as well. We broke up on good terms. A couple weeks later we were talking and decided to be FWB, it did not end well.
I really regret it. At first we were both still attached. Then HE was attached... then ME... back and forth, never on the same page (even though we both said we were fine).
In the end I think we ruined what was a beautiful relationship. It could have ended naturally and still been a great experience with a mature end. Instead we had an ugly fight and both felt bitter. Over time I still remember him fondly, but I will never sleep with an X again.
All of my friends have slept with an X at least once and I have NEVER heard of it ending on decent/civil terms.
I only opened that door once....and it didn't end well. Of course, I thought we could easily keep it physical, but feelings got involved. It was on and off for years and if he had his way, it would still be going on (he's currently married). I had to cut all ties because I can't be involved in that nonsense.
ETA: I did sleep with my XH once after he moved out, but before we filed for divorce (and I thought we were really working on our marriage). It was horrible and I felt nothing but dirty afterwards. Add to that I found out a week or so later, he was still seeing the OW, yuck.
I did it. We are still friends and speak on occasion. due to the fact that we are both married to other people - we don't maintain a 'close' relationship, but it's obvious that we both care about eachother.
I have nothing but sweet feelings for him and honestly wish happiness on his life.
I totally get this. I've had exes where I've been skeeved at the end and there is no way they are even going to get a hug from me. It wasn't the case in either of my 2 situations that I referenced. The relationships didn't end in a way that I hated them or had no respect for them.
This honestly intrigues me. Would you share details about how you were able to stay friends? I honestly think I may just be a jealous person. I don't really have any exes I have stayed friends with.
I think my 1st situation with my HS boyfriend-we COULD have stayed friends had we not muddied the waters. I think I used him as a crutch for my co-dependency rather than just moving on. I was hurt that I no longer had someone to lean on. I think if I could have just moved on, I may have been happy for him when he started dating.
I guess I don't really know. I've been "intimate" with 5 people and am still friends with #1 & #3 ... married to #2... I'm FB friends with #4 (but we don't really talk), and #5 was just a horrible, HORRIBLE mistake.
I will say that there is a common thread for 1 thru 4 and that is that I was friends with all of them first. Not saying that is the recipe for staying friends after... it's just the facts. They were all people I chose to have in my life before there was a relationship flame. ((I do feel the need to separate H out of there a tiny bit... I flamed for him faster than any of the others - even though we didn't start dating for a while.))
#1 is the person I spoke about in my op. we were friends for a year. dated for 2.5 years. dabbled a bit in the years after we broke up. and are still friends today. I still love him as a person and it makes me happy to see him happy - sad to see him sad.
1, 3 and 4 were all really great guys... we just weren't going to make it work for all time.
Honestly - that same story may be written for #2 (my husband) as well. Time will be the teller of that tale. we'll see.
hmmm... maybe I'M the problem. lol
Some of you who have been on the boards a longass time might remember when I ended my first engagement and broke up with the guy, and then went back to sleeping with him.
The gentleman in question is the one you all know as Mr. Kuus.
So yeah, I wouldn't recommend trying to have emotionless sex with someone to whom you used to be deeply emotionally attached, unless you want to get back together. One or both of you will just end up emotionally reinvesting.
In college I would be fwb with an ex till I started dating again. I did this for months two times. It worked for me bc I was the one done with the relationship. In hindsight it was pretty mean to the guys, I was selfish then though. And I thought it was better to sleep with them to not increase my number. Stupid.
This. We dated when we were younger (middle/high school), and after I graduated we started doing the FWB thing. I'm in the process of (finally) divorcing and am with someone atm, and he's engaged (also finally), so we obviously don't do that stuff anymore, but we're very close friends and talk/text often. Has the arrangement/our history caused some tension? Yes. He disapproves of every guy I've met and sometimes goes on about the 'what-ifs'. Has he gone berserk on me yet about it? No. Not yet, anyway.
However, if you were to inquire about any of my other exes? Nope. No way. Not opening ANY of those cans of worms, sir.