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Intro and weird issue
Hey guys, kind of wandered from The Bump over here and had a question for you ladies. First, a little background!
I married my hubby in February, about a week before the anniversary of our first date. We found each other on an online dating service, and before our first "official" date we sat down and talked about our histories--he is a recovering drug addict, I have been abused (sexual, physical, mental) multiple times and am in counseling. He has been very considerate and has worked very hard to help me through the lingering issues from my abuse. Sex with him has been everything I ever wanted, and in the first six months or so of our relationship he was the first man to give me an orgasm. He usually did so by using his hand and stimulating my clit. He was never too rough with me, and always pays careful attention to my verbal directions and behavior--if I tense up, he stops what he's doing and asks if I'm okay. All this has helped ENORMOUSLY with having a real, productive sex life.
I am now 6 months pregnant with our little girl, and once I got over the morning sickness, sex resumed as usual--there have been no libido problems related to the pregnancy hormones except, maybe, a little dryness.
Here's the problem: Somewhere in the last five months, there was a sudden change--I can't stand for him to touch my clit any more. He is learning how to use a vibrator (adaptable fella that he is) and that's great, but it's so strange that all of a sudden I can't handle him touching me there any more! I can do it myself, but when he does it it feels like someone is scraping me with sandpaper! Of course, that makes me panic and tense up, so he basically doesn't try any more after my first "ow!"
Any ideas what this could be? I don't know if it's just pregnancy screwing with my body (so to speak), a need for more lube, or if he just needs a dang manicure! I don't think it could be emotional backlash from the abuse after all this time,but I'm not completely unwilling to consider it. Any ideas are welcome.
Re: Intro and weird issue
Your issue may very well be hormonal. Remember: you're pregnant and pregnancy hormones can very well alter whatever erogenous zones you have -- it depends on the woman.
it may heighten some, it may "nullify" others and some may just be too sensitive to touch, all due to the pregnancy hormones.
Certainly you must know of other touches that get you going. Why not masturbate on your own during your pregancy and experiment and find out which areas are not sensitive to his touch?
Not for nothing but I personally think you moved a bit too fast with this relationship. Considering he is in recovery, you should have taken your time --- and any relationship needs "legs" before you can consider marrying that person.
I hope you are going to AlAnon, being he is in recovery.
It blows MY mind when people seem to think they need to reply without really reading the question just so they can let me know that they disapprove of my relationship and give recovery advice I didn't ask for. For your information, we are both involved in recovery education. I didn't ask whether or not you thought my relationship moved too fast, nor did I say that he's not "turning me on," rather something that i used to enjoy is uncomfortable.
If you're not replying to help, but to judge, don't reply at all.
Whoa...hold on...nowhere did I say I disapproved. I merely said you should have taken your time. There's a great difference right there.
I did not say he was not turning you on.
Per se he is not because due to pregnancy hormones, your body is reacting differently -- this too will pass. It isn't his fault; it's a change in your body.
Work together on this; communication is also key. Good luck.
Would he be willing to try a moisturizing lotion? Maybe it's a combination of his skin being rough and your hormones doing wacky stuff?
On a completely separate note if you remove the information that's not pertinent to the problem your having, it won't get commented on. Not because it's anything to be ashamed of, but because when you include it, it does invite comment and it distracts from the issue you do want help with. GL.
It's probably the pregnancy. I wouldn't worry.
I have no abuse issues or anything and what I liked/didn't like varied a LOT depending on the stage of pregnancy I was in. You have to be open minded and adaptable when dealing with pregnancy hormones.
Good luck!
You are 6 months pregnant. The problem began 5 months ago. Probably pregnancy related.
Why not have *him* use the vibrator on you? Or does the vibrator also feel different when he uses it?
Write porn, a la "Dear Penthouse" for his reading enjoyment. Masturbate and put on a show for him or you watch him put on a show for him. Write him sexy letters; there's also phone sex.
Sounds like you're just more sensitive now. It happens to me around my period too because the extra blood flow to that area makes things more sensitive.
Have you tried other ways of orgasming with him? Maybe through oral or penetration + you stimulating your clit? Switch it up, try something new, you could be pleasantly surprised.
Most importantly of course is communication. He's probably feeling insecure about not being able to get you off right now so let him know its not him failing, your body is just going through a lot right now and suggest you guys try some new things if you're both up to it.