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Liubot/FlittyFud life update
Ooh the board "trainwreck" rears it's ugly head.
Get over it, I'm different. I'm trying the best I can.
Here's an update on my life since the last month or so.
Ex BF beat the crap out of me twice in a 2 week period. Black eye on each side, dragged me up the steps by my hair, I had a week long concussion, so I got the PFA, and put him in jail for harassment and breaking PFA. I got all of his shiit out of my apartment, except for the few things I put in the closet that I haven't had the time to get to his friend's house because I do not want anyone coming here.
I quit smoking pot for good over two months ago. I've been redecorating/rearranging my apartment, living alone, and enjoying it. My meds have been straightened out by my doctors (PCP, Psychologist, Psychiatrist), and I'm currently on 3 doses of .5 mg of klonopin for PMDD and extreme anxiety and 40 mg of prozac for depression. It's been working quite nicely. No cutting, no suicidal thoughts. I've been keeping busy, working 2 jobs for now, and I recently got a call that my old job which was my career in video production opened back up and I just got rehired for that. I will be making $40k a year instead of the measley $25k I'm making now. I start May 7.
I've been hanging out with my girlfriends and making new friends left and right, and yes I'm casually dating my "boss". Nothing serious, just dates every other week or so, kissing, no sex. I'm just trying to be myself and see what's out there and I'm feeling good. I've hit rock bottom and now I'm moving up.
I still see my counselors, and I'm doing a lot of things for me. So if this makes me a trainwreck, so be it. I get upset when every decision I make and share on this board gets poked and prodded at it makes me feel terrible because if you actually knew how hard I am really trying to get my life together, you'd be upset too.
So there, talk about that. I'm glad I'm everyone's gossip portal.
I'm just a person who's had a rough life and I'm trying to get it in order the only way I know how. So I make mistakes. I don't follow a rule book, per se. I fly by the seat of my pants, and I'm trying.
I like a lot of you guys and gals but I have a hard time swallowing things you tell me because I take it as judgey and petty. It's difficult. I know a lot of you have good intentions, but I can't take the snark when I'm really trying to get my shiit together.
So yeah I'm here, I know you're all thrilled.
Re: Liubot/FlittyFud life update
Sigh.
The fact that you can't see that people only get snarky when you gleefully come in and talk about doing things that everyone -- including you -- knows are totally counterproductive, is maddening. That, or when you do the "you're all so mean" thing, because, truly, people have been full of concern.
Maybe if you led with talk about your therapy or the fact that you stopped with the pot, instead of "omgz, I am so attractive and I am dating my boss and three other guyz!," you'd get better reactions. But clearly, any reaction is a good one as far as you're concerned -- otherwise you wouldn't keep coming back.
You're a tenacious one, I'll give you that.
Best of luck with your positive pursuits. Try to curb the crazy attention-seeking, ok?
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
I'll bite.
This is probably the LEAST snarky board on the nest. Everything everyone has ever said to you was out of concern for your safety. I am glad you have made positive changes.
I still don't think you should be dating anyone. I still think your boss is probably a controlling jerkwad for going after an employee after she went through what you did. I still think you will continue to date controlling jerkwads as long as you continue to date while you are so codependent. Nothing you have said changes that. I'm not judging you-I was super codependent when I was in my early twenties. I am concerned for you because I know PERSONALLY where that leads.
Goodluck. Feel free to come here whenever, just don't expect us to stop telling you what you NEED to hear. We don't say it to be mean/judge, we say it because we are concerned.
This is everything I wanted to say but didn't have the energy to actually type!
Great job on all the positive moves, and congrats on your job
Be strong!
This is what I posted to you last week and I think it still applies in modified form:
People have issues with your dating decisions because from the outside they appear really unhealthy. It makes them scared and sad for you. The fact that you don't see anything wrong with people's concerns and instead view it as people simply not liking you shows that the problem is with your self confidence and judgment right now.
I stand by that last part. You choose to come on here and share a LOT of personal stuff with internet strangers. When people become concerned for you and try to advise you to make healthier decisions you get defensive. They get more insistent. You get ragingly defensive and passive aggressive and assume everyone hates you, which you alternate with basically telling people to go to hell.
I'm glad you're sticking with therapy and meds, I am hopeful that it will help you focus, take a step back, analyze your life more clearly and make healthier decisions. Also, I think you will be happier and get better responses if you stop coming on here and stating how you know everyone hates you, then trying to prove that you're emotionally healthy. You're not emotionally healthy but you're working on it, acknowledging that will help you move forward and may help you get more out of your interactions with people on these boards. All of us have made shitty decisions at some point in our lives, keep working on it and learning from your mistakes. That is good enough and people here will recognize you for it. Just stop trying to justify everything you do and getting so defensive and this board could really help you.