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need to vent about something
So, my husband and I are moving across country from Pa to Co. I'm very excited and we found out maybe 3 weeks ago and we move in 2 weeks.
Everyone except for my sister is really excited for us and very happy that we get to do this. Its my husbands dream job in a dream location.
What really upsets me is how not supportive my sister is. and my mom is trying to get her to adjust to the fact we'll be across the country. but she hasn't spoken a word to me since we announced we were leaving and her only response was "why do you want to do that" we used to be really close and its very upsetting for me. I cant help but be mad at her for acting this way. But my husband and I are very happy about the move and we couldn't really spend much time with my sister and her family(husband and 3 kids) cause they are so insanely busy with their schedules. So I really cant see what the problem is. Its not like we will never come back and visit. any suggestions for me?
Re: need to vent about something
I think for your sister, while you may not see each other often because of schedules, but it's the the thought that could just by virtue of being close.
She's probably nervous, anxious and a little sad that you're moving cross country, and instead of saying that is choosing to ignore you. Maybe in her mind it's not real if she doesn't talk to you about it, or she may feel as if you're betraying her (even though that's not the case) by moving.
First, I would let your mom know that it isn't her job to get her to adjust to the fact. Second, I would reach out to her and let her know that you know this is a big move and you're excited about it and that you'll be back to visit.. If you already have an idea of how often say 2/year, 3/year, holidays/etc maybe you can tell her that to ease her mind.
I think she'll come around. Good luck with the move. Sounds exciting.
I used to live in Colorado....you are going to LOVE it!
Let me know if you have any questions
I'm w/ orange. Give her time. As you say, you don't see her a lot because of her schedule- she probably is sad about this in and of itself, and now that you're moving, you'll all see each other a lot less.
Plus, some people just don't deal well with change.
I don't know- this is a great for you and your DH, somewhere in this you're not totally shocked by this opportunity (I assume your DH was looking for jobs, right? So you knew it was a possibility). EVen if she knew he was looking elsewhere, she may not hvae REALLY realized it was a true possibility.
I know you want her support, but support goes two ways. Her sister is about to make a huge move and "leave". This is a change for her and your entire family too.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
It's not fair to you, but it's easier for your sister to be mad at you than to deal with the fact that she's sad and hurt that you're moving away. She's not actually mad at you, she's mad at the situation and at the changes that are coming. Even if you didn't spend a lot of time together, you were there and it was easy to spend time together if she wanted to. That's going to change and she's not taking it well.
There's nothing you can really do here. She has to come around and deal with her actual issue as opposed to hiding behind anger. You can't control her actions, but you can control your response to it. Just tell her you'll miss her and that you look forward to coming back for visits and that you hope she and the family can make it out there sometime. Even if she hangs onto the anger for a little while, once she adjusts to the "new normal" (which sounds like it won't really be that different from the current normal) she'll come around.