Relationships
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Blended Family
I never realized how hard it would be to have a blended family, even though i was raised in one. But having to deal with all those issues is so difficult, being the parent. My husband and I came into our relationship both having kids. Boys, 2 yrs apart. Sometimes i feel like he is too hard on my son, and he feels like i am too hard on his. I always feel like he is way too defensive over his son, like i dont treat him like my own. I think of my "new" son just like my own, I just cant stand to see one get treated better than the other. And a big big problem we have is his son, is a mess right now. We fight alot about him, and things that happen. He is going through alot of changes and i know he is having a hard time. I hate to see a child not understand and just be confused all the time, going from one parent- grandparent- to another all the time. My son is used to that by now, thats just the way it has to be. But his son, how to i explain this??? Well he is a wonderful child. and loves me and my family so much, but when his daddy steps in the room (my husband) then he has a breakdown and just wants his daddy. Everyone else is yucky and he doesn't want anything to do with anyone but his daddy. Its bad. He is a totally different child when his dad comes around, and its hard not to think, well god if he doesnt love me???? how is this going to work? Blended families are hard, and this is just the beginning of it. I know now only strong strong couples can make it through things like this, or a family will be torn apart.
Re: Blended Family
Like you said, it's just the beginning of it. It's going to take time for him (and everyone) to adjust. How old is he?
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Seems like the little one's behaviour would be perfectly normal. I agree that the blended families board on the bump might give better advice.
The bigger deal is the issue between you and your husband about how you treat the kids and what might be different parenting styles.
I will suggest counseling, both individual and family. It will help smooth out the rough spots.
My exH and I split up in a very ugly way when my youngest was 3 years old - I sought out counseling for myself and the kids, and it was the best thing I ever did. I found an awesome group that allowed me to be there with my son in his sessions - your H and his son can do that together. As well, have sessions as a family to sort this all out.
Check at your work and have your H do the same (if both of you are working) and ask if there is an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) available. Many companies have them, and they offer 5 free counseling sessions for a large variety of issues.
It will take time, but it is worth it.
I don't have children but I came from what I consider a multi-dimensional blended family (both parents remarried to people who already had children).
With one of those parents I was happy and enjoyed them from the beginning and then later on (in adolescence) disliked them very much. Now I have much more mature feelings as I see them as a real person and recognize both strengths and faults within them.
The other step-parent I never liked and continue to dislike (even more the longer I get to know them) haha.
Both of my step parents have been around for 10+ years and the only thing I can tell you is that neither of my parents gave up despite the difficulties we all came to experience with blending the families. Again, since this is from the opposite point of view of your situation I know it may not be that helpful. But what I want to say is that so long as you and your husband recognize that just as the children will grow, change, and mature the family will too. It will take a lot of patience and extra amounts of communication between you two. Don't give up!