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Planning a Wedding in 3 weeks
I've always wanted to do a formal wedding to renew our vows since we
got married two years ago before my husband deployed, but have been
struggling with the planning. I understand that this can be a
controversial topic, but I was wondering what fellow military brides
think of this situation. I've attempted to post this on the Knot, but I think that hearing from military brides will help me with making a better decision.
The issues have been budget (since even in the beginning it was up to us only to fund the wedding) and family. My dad was not at the civil ceremony and only my husband's parents were due to us eloping so quickly (he got last minute orders), so it would be nice to celebrate my marriage with our families. His family lives around here. My family lives a couple of states away, except for a few relatives including my Dad. The other issue with my family is that my dad is remarried and he cannot stand being in the same room as my mother (it was a rough divorce). It would be rude to not invite her despite me not being too close to her.
Now that I am pregnant with my first, I just want to get this done since this may never happen. It was suggested to delay it for another year, but I find it odd to have my child to be at my wedding. It would seem senseless at that point, since this would be a formal celebration of our marriage. I just want to get this done and move on with my life. I already have the venue (all inclusive for the ceremony and reception), date (May 20th, which I may be pushing it with showing since I am already 20 weeks pregnant), and dress ready. I may have one groomsman and bridesmaid, which the tux will be rented and the dress will be a simple dress that we can find that does not need alterations. I'm not sure if we necessarily need a wedding party although my sister is helping me out a lot and would like to be a bridesmaid. I have been researching planners and I may still hire one from my research if I end up becoming too overwhelmed. Quite a few had experiences with last minute weddings. I also have an idea on what to do for the other venders.
My husband is glad that we just eloped at the courthouse since it is done and over with. He said that if I want a wedding then I can plan one. After talking with him and his family, they think that I should wait another year after I have the baby to have a big wedding and it will give them and guests more time, but I don't want a big wedding, since they are expensive. (I would like no more than 70 guests. A big wedding, especially with his family will be too much money). I also do not want to spend too much of our savings and my husband being upset over spending all of our savings on a wedding. Thus the small budget, so we will still have more than plenty in our savings. I don't want to pressure my husband, but I need to make a quick decision before I decide to book the venue and send out the invitations which should be done asap.
So is it doable or will it be too much for my family and I? Or is it too much stress especially for my family? I would love it to be able to do this and I would hate this opportunity go to waste, since I've busted my butt working over 50 hours with no benefits this past year to save up just for this. 2011 was wasted on working all the time, so this would be a nice reward. Unfortunately, I've just lost my job so I have the time to plan now, but it is frustrating how things worked out and spending so much time working there since I thought was going somewhere took up all of my time. (It is sort of a catch 22, since being paid helped me save money but it took up all of my time). I just need to make a decision quickly, but it is nice to weigh my options so any input (good or bad) is appreciated. Thank you.
Re: Planning a Wedding in 3 weeks
First, you are already married. You aren't having a formal wedding. You had a wedding the day you got married. This is a vow renewal. Because it is a vow renewal, who cares if your kid is there for it. My kid was 6 months old when DH and I were married. I guess that was senseless. Thanks for judging. I'm sure I'm the only person you've offended.
Second, if you have the money saved and you want a nice renewal with all of your family there, just wait. If someone popped this on me with three weeks notice, there would be now way I'd be able to make it. It's kind of rude to spring this on people at the last minute and expect them to make it.
Third, I doubt you'll be able to find vendors in three weeks. We were married with two weeks planning. However, we used my mom's living room as our venue and didn't really care who made it. The only reason we didn't go to the court house was because my two older children wanted us to have the big shabang with cake and all. There were 30 people there, but we really didn't care who showed up. The only important people were us, the kids and the officiant. We lucked out on getting a cake. The flowers were a favor because my mom uses that florist ALL THE TIME and has spent a ton of money with them. The catering was a gift from a friend who owns a restaurant.
EDIT: part of me thinks this is a troll or an AE trying to stir the pot because it's been so slow.
Put the money you would have spent on a wedding into a savings account for your kid and consider doing a vow renewal when you've survived ten years of marriage or something. You have no income, so it's a terrible time to spend money on something nobody cared about but you.
Lack of money is/was an awful excuse to elope.
Anyway, yeah, I hate when the military rushes people into marriages. It's definitely the down side of the job!
Three weeks notice for something you want people to travel in from out of state to attend?
No. Just say no. Unless these people have _no_ lives, the chance of being able to have the people there that you want to have there is pretty much nil at this point.
Wait a while. I've been to weddings where the children of the couple were present. No big deal. Especially not a big deal for a vow renewal.
And, honestly, it's been two years since the courthouse wedding? I think the ship has sailed on having a big to-do that feels like a wedding. At least until you are celebrating a vow renewal 25-50 years down the road. Something a bit more relaxed and laid back to celebrate your new family might be appropriate now, and would still be appropriate after your baby arrives (and might be even more appropriate then...).
I'm not trying to be snippy, but why is this so important to you? You kept saying "I just want this done", "I want to move on with my life", it sounds like this might be something you feel like you need or should do, rather than really, truly want to do?
You are not planning a wedding, you are already married. You are planning a vow renewal. And there is nothing wrong with that, however, it's odd to hold this after just 2 years of marriage. I would wait until 5 or 10 years to have one. And you will be hard-pressed to find vendors and whatnot with only 3 weeks. I mean, that Kardashian girl barely pulled it off and she had an unlimited budget.
In all honesty, your wedding (which you had) is really only something that you and your spouse care about. Nobody else cares half as much as you do. My husband and I got married, just the 2 of us, on a beach in Hawaii. We didn't desire a big, white wedding in the slightest. Some family members were peeved and some friends questioned it, but they got over it in about 2 seconds and I'm quite sure they don't mull over the fact we didn't have a "real" wedding. I bet none of your family and friends are thinking "Gee, I'm sure glad they're having this shindig in 3 weeks! I can't wait to celebrate their 2 years of marriage!". Nobody cares about the party, and I'd bet that some would be extremely turned off if you invited them to your "wedding" when you're already married! Some people might look at it as a ploy to get money/gifts, even if all you really want is "to celebrate marriage with friends and family". I certainly wouldn't attend someone's "wedding" 2 years later, with 3 weeks of notice no less.
If money is tight to begin with, and you are recently unemployed with a baby on the way, this just seems like poor timing. If it were me I would absolutely regret spending thousands on one day, only to put myself and my family in future financial trouble. Also, it sounds like your husband is kind of "whatever" about the whole thing AND you have potential family drama between your parents. Not worth it! Appreciate your non-traditional wedding ceremony that took place 2 years ago and focus on the future with your new baby. Don't let a vow renewal put a burden on you.
This cracks me up because memories are not synonymous with photos. The more and more you try to justify it the more you sound like you need an opportunity to be the center of attention.
FTR, my DH and I were married by a JOP, and had our vow renewal ten weeks later. Our timeline was such because of orders, as well (cross country PCS, not deployment). I understand wanting/needing to be married and wanting the celebration with family and friends. Because it's been two years AND you are pregnant, it seems to me that your best plan would be to have your baby, and in even three more years, for your fifth anniversary, throw your party. But, my bet is that you'll realize that money is better spent elsewhere.
I can't help but wonder what your family and friends will be thinking if you do go ahead and have your "wedding", and in three or four months, they get invites to your baby shower. While it may not be your intent, some may think you are looking for gifts. Again--I'm not saying this is the case. . . But it might appear so to some.
this.
I'm responding even though I think this is MUD ("made up drama" - because all trolls ask what MUD is)
The ship has sailed on worrying about the appropriateness of you waiting to do a "wedding" as you keep calling it, with your kid there.
Article A) YOU'RE MARRIED, it does not matter if you have a kid in the picture or not for your renewal. Why would anyone judge you for having a kid at your vow renewal when you're married? Plus you are already pregnant, so the ship for this one has really sailed out the window. Because, you know, being prengant in pictures is better than having a kid? I dont get this
Article
it really just sounds like you want a pretty pretty princess day, which, whatever, just own up to it. blah blah, family being there to celebrate our marriage blah. (you've been married two years already)
Article C) You (both) chose to rush your marriage, the military didn't force you to do anything. Plenty of people wait until after deployment. There are other ways to be his beneficiary or in case of emergancy person or whatever you were concerned about that "forced" you to get married.
I would wait for 5 or 10 year anniversary to do it. I wouldn't spend money on this when I had a kid on the way.
I changed my name
well, then take some nice pictures, it doesn't have to be situation where you spend all this money on a renewal- go find a photographer, dress up fancy dancy and have at it. Even for the prettiest of all pretty princess days, its only one day in your marriage. Hopefully you have a lifetime of happy memories and pictures to look back on.
Why didnt you take pictures when you JOPed? Thats the important day. That's the day you committed to each other for the rest of your lives. You already have that...
I changed my name
I think you might need to really take a look at your feelings about this. I get the sense that this is something you always thought you'd do after you eloped, but never got around to it and now that you're pregnant you're thinking "now or never", but your heart really isn't in it.
Here's an idea - go by a relatively inexpensive white dress, have your H get dressed up, and hire a photographer to do a "trash the dress" type shoot. Take some pretty formal pictures first, and then have fun with it. You'll have a great time, stress-free, and get some good photos out of it.
Ditto what nearly every one else has stated.
You have a baby on the way. You are already married. I can think of approximately 100 more responsible ways to spend your money. If you MUST have pictures of you in a pretty white dress NOW as opposed to at 5, 10, 15 years...do as others have suggested and set up a photo shoot.
Ha! Ditto.