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Losing Interest in Sex or Me?.. Help.
Hi I was just seeking help with a problem I have with my husband.
First off I am currently 31 weeks pregnant, we are both 20 and we've been together for 3 years now. Here's a bit of info you need to know, when we first started dating the sex was great, but I believe after a year & a half he didn't seem as interested. I am very "sexually active" & of course I didn't push him if he didn't 'want it'. We still had sex, just not as much as I would like I guess.. But I would hear him 'please himself' in our bathroom after I've fallen asleep or early in the morning.. I've cried many nights because I get the feeling that he has lost interest in me.. I've tried talking to him about it but I never get him to open up.. We still have sex now, but it's as if he rushes through it (then again it might be because I'm pregnant & that's understandable?)
I just want to know what I should do.. I try to keep our sex life alive by spicing things up with different things, but it's not working..
Re: Losing Interest in Sex or Me?.. Help.
Talk to HIM. Telling us these things won't get any results. And, for the record, since it seems so many women feel this way, jacking off is NOT. The same. As sex. He doesn't do it because he doesn't want you; he does it because he's a guy and they like to masturbate. And we should, too. I know there are times when I just want to get off and be done and not bother with sex, and I'm female.
Out of curiosity, when have you tried talking to him? Don't do it in the bedroom, and pick some time when he's not trying to do something else (watching the game, reading, playing a videogame, w/e). Make sure he knows this is important to you and tell him how you feel. Although I'm just now noticing his age (and yours)... um... I don't know how to say this nicely but it's quite possible he's just not husband material yet.
I agree with everybody else who said communicate.
Masturbation is normal. Nothing to do with you; he got going because he had an urge... and if you hear him masturbating, why not lend him a hand?:)
I've tried talking to him before we got married and before we found out was pregnant. I don't talk in our bedroom, we go for walks or drive somewhere and we just sit and talk. Also just because we're 20 doesn't mean we aren't mature. We are both very mature for our age, we don't do any partying or stupid crap like other people our age.
And to also answer the other comment; The baby was unexpected, but we took him as a blessing. Again we are not too young to be married.
And the last comment; Thanks I haven't thought of that I'll give it a try(:
The problem existed before you got married --- this puts a whole new light on the subject.
The problem existed and you went out and bought a kid into the picture.:(
And I really like how mature you are for your age....heck, you 2 can't even discuss sexual matters like 2 grown adults. So much for the maturity.
It very well could be that this relationship was over at that point; why you got married is beyond me --- was the pregnancy unexpected? Well, there ya go....there's your reason, then.
Few 17-20 year olds are ready for a lifelong committment. The 2 of you are not.
if you have nothing helpful or nice to say don't *** say anything. We communicate very well with each other. Just because we can't talk about our sex life very well doesn't mean our relationship isn't going to work out.
Oye.... nobody's said anything nasty.
You got blunt honesty and I guess you didn't like it.
If you don't talk about this, you'll be stalemated forever. Make it a point to do so -- if you can't talk to your spouse about your sex life, what else can you discuss with your spouse?
QFT.
Jbtnt,
I understand your frustration, my husband and I began dating when we were 17 as well, we dated for 6 years and have been married for 3 but not without plenty of people telling us we would never get this far. Don't ever let anyone tell you you're not ready/mature enough for marriage, nobody knows better than you what you and your hubby can handle
There are a ton of factors that could contribute to this. I know for us it was stress from throughout the work day, we were both exhausted when we came home and barely saw one another, on average...maybe 4 hours of actual face to face time followed by sleep. Sometimes you just wanna crash, or veg out, maybe he feels the same way.
Another option may be low testosterone levels (decrease in energy, depressed, lack of interest in sex) I actually have a few guy friends that suffer from this and it ruined their relationships all the time, when it had nothing to do with the woman at all. BUT most guys don't want to talk about this as being an option...good luck with this one. (www.isitlowt.com)
You're still newly married, the way you communicate now could very well determine the way you two will communicate for the rest of your lives. Instead of saying things like, "Why don't you want to have sex with me? Do you not think I'm attractive anymore? When we were first dating we had great sex." (and I'm not saying you do, just throwing this out there) show more of a concern for his well being, be genuine about it and not--I hate this word--naggy. Conversations may not start off like that, but they can head down that road quickly, especially when the problem isn't solved.
This was a lot longer than I thought it would be...but good luck to you both, and I really hope you guys do work things out
Hi Jbtnt,
I'm a married 20 year old as well, so I'm not about to bombard you with "Why did you get married?" Frankly, I don't see that as productive, as you didn't ask whether you should have gotten married, anyway. One of my friends who recently had a baby had sort of a similar problem. I think sometimes men have a hard time transitioning from seeing women as their attractive, sexy wife, to seeing them as a soon-to-be-mother. He could be really nervous, or stressed, or afraid he'll hurt you. It's possible that something external is causing him stress, and that's what he does to relieve stress.
I think talking to him in an honest, non-accusatory way is the best bet here. Ask him if he's been stressed lately, and if there's anything you can do to relieve his stress. You could tell him you've noticed that things have been different, and you just want to make sure he knows that you're still into it. I would also just tell him that you understand that sometimes people's priorities get shifted by work or stress, and you just want to help him if there's something you can do.
Again, I don't really understand why our age always comes up in these sorts of discussions, as if people who get married at 30 or 35 don't have issues too. Good luck!
Emily
You ladies are all so Judgy on this board.
Shes not asking you if she should have gotten pregnant, or if she should have kept the baby. She's not asking your input on their age. Yes, they are young. You don't know them, you don't know their lives. Try answering the questions she DID ask, or go on your way.
ETA: not all of you, but some
I love how age, and babies always come up in these conversations. As if a 30 year old who got married couldn't have these problems. I got married at 20 and pregnant two weeks later, even though I was taking the pill religiously, and using a cervical cap properly with spermicide. But it's always an "idiot kids getting hitched and knocked up" response wherever I go. Age doesn't dictate communication or respect in a relationship.
Honestly, most guys just don't like having sex with pregnant women. I don't think even they know exactly why, but there it is. As someone else pointed out masturbating isn't the same as sex, it's a habit for them from all those years in middle school/high school where they definitely weren't getting any from girls. But guys do lose interest, not saying he doesn't love you or want you, but when you've been with someone awhile there's no thrill of the hunt so to speak. We all want what we can't have and lose interest in what we do. It's our job to keep the interest alive. But since it seems you've been trying new things it could also be a hormone problem. Talk to him about going and getting a physical. Just try not to suggest it like he's broken, or he'll freak out.
I have these problems with my husband as well, and I really hope you two can figure it out. Best of luck with life and the baby