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s/o Mother's Day - Advice please
Back Story. I haven't told anyone on here yet, so I suppose this is coming out now. My father passed away on April 5th, 1 month ago. He died of liver cancer at the age of 54. It was very sudden as he was just diagnosed with cancer in mid Feb.
I and my immediately family have not yet had to deal with a death like this. My poor mother is an emotional wreck. Any time she even mentions my dad she starts balling her eyes out. I've mentioned counceling but she refuses. She also started playing the fb online slot machine games. She rarely gambled before but my dad was a gambler. She swears that when she's plays she can hear/talk/speak to my father.
So back to Mothers day. Since Mother's Day is so close to my father's passing my sisters and I were trying to figure out what to do. I am a mother and so is my youngest sister. My question is WWYD. Would you spend mothers day with your mother because of her husband/your father's death or would spend mothers day doing your own thing such as relaxing or spa/mani/pedi etc...
Re: s/o Mother's Day - Advice please
I'm sorry Evee. That kind of a loss is not an easy one.
I would keep it low key. Bring over a nice brunch or dinner. Maybe get a movie (comedy, not a love story) and just hang out.
EDIT: reading comp fail.
Yes, spend it with your Mom. Do something to pamper yourself another day.
I am so sorry for your loss, Kewpie.
I would definitely spend it with her or at least offer to. She may not want the company, but I'm sure she could use it.
Would your mom go get a mani/pedi with you and your sister? Maybe have a girls lunch or something, then go back and spend time with your family and celebrate however you want....
I can't imagine losing one of my parents right now, and they are older than your dad was. I'm sure this has been a very hard time for everyone and I agree that your mom should seek counseling, but she might need to do so on her own time.
I think getting her out of the house for a while might be good for her, and she might feel better after getting a mani/pedi, so i would suggest that to her if I were you...
I'm so sorry about your father.
Can you invite your mom to go to the spa with you?
Oh, Kewpie, I'm so sorry for your loss. =(
As for the WWYD, I'd spend Mother's Day with my mom. Any chance you can get her to go w/ you for some relaxing?
Soon to celebrate the day we met, even if the day before marks when we said goodbye.
I'm really sorry about your dad. This is my suggestion as well.
I'm so sorry for your loss. How are you doing? Are you in counseling? Take care of yourself as well.
I would definitely spend the day with my mom (and will). Saturday I might take to myself but I don't want her to be alone on any big milestones this year. My mother is handling things better (she had longer to prepare than your mom) but it is still a very difficult year for her.
Oh man, Evee.
I am so very sorry to hear about your Dad. And also sorry to hear about how your mom is handling her loss.
Spend the day with your mom. And take time for yourself, too, another day. I think she needs people around her right now. This would be a good time for you to show her how much you value her as your mom, and be there to support her.
I'm going to speak up for kewpie to everyone saying "I can't believe you'd consider not being with her."
She has also suffered a big loss and it sounds like taking care of her mom is taking its own toll on her. She also deserves some time to herself and a chance to be celebrated. She didn't say she was going to blow off her mom entirely, it just sounded like she was trying to figure out how to handle her time.
I say spend the day with mom and bring your kid. She can focus her energy on his life and the joy he brings her. But do take some time to take care of yourself. You also need a break.
That is what I figured. I do intend to spend the day with her. She wants to check out this Chinese Res that my dad wanted to go to. He said he was going to take her and the next day he was diagnosed with cancer. They never did get to go.
It's almost an hour and half drive for me from my place to her's so I don't know that I can do an all day thing with her, but I can do lunch for sure, so that is my plan.
I am fine. I received so much relief and happiness by turning to God. Following the Lord has completely changed me for the better. While my family was crying because they knew he would passing soon, I was crying because I was afraid he wouldn't be accepted into heaven. That was my biggest fear.
I also know that my father wouldn't want me to sit around feeling sorry for myself. He'd want me to live my life to the fullest. And 1 day I will see him again. I have nothing but faith that I will.
Soon to celebrate the day we met, even if the day before marks when we said goodbye.
I'm so sorry for your loss
I would definitely offer to spend mother's day with your mom.
71 workouts completed in 2012
So sorry, Kewpie.
Spend it with your mom, if she wants to. If she absolutely refuses, honor her wishes, she might want to be alone, I guess (I say this because if I'd lost my H recently, I'd probably be holed up in bed for a while and wouldn't want to do anything for it, so I'm trying to take that into consideration). But if she's open to it, definitely set aside anything else you might have planned and spend it with her.
ETA: Just read your update and saw she does want to do something, so yes, definitely spend it with your mom.
Oh, Evie, I'm so sorry. Spend the day with your mom. It will make you both feel better.
Updated September 2012.
I'm so sorry about your dad. I lost my dad to liver cancer in January and I've been wondering the same thing. Although my mom seems to be holding her own. Although I can't be with her on Sunday, I am going to send her some cards (from me and from my son) and, of course, I'll call her.
I think if I were closer I would spend the day with her or invite her to spend the day with my family.
I am going to make an effort to go visit her on my Dad's birthday this year.
This. She isn't trying to be insensitive to her Mom....she is just asking advice. I would ask her what she would like to do. See if maybe a spa day for all three of you? I'm so sorry for your loss.
wait, how is that relief and happiness?