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"learning" issues
So, KR has my temper. Whenever Ryan or I tell him no he will throw a fit, banging his head against the ground, flinging himself backwards if we are holding him.
It's awesome.
Whats even MORE awesome is that he won't freak out like that with anybody else. Not daycare, not my mom, not my neighbor...when he gets told no by one of them, he will either
A.) Stop what he was doing that was wrong.
B.) Lay his head down on his arms and pout.
WTF do I do? Why is he freaking out on us? He freaks when we have to change his diaper, but doesn't do that with ANYBODY else. We use the terms "Don't Please!" and "No thank you!" to "scold" him, we also try re-direction, which again, works with other people, but not DH and I.
I'm frustrated and sick of tantrums. Can you tell?
Re: "learning" issues
Wyatt does this all.the.time. I hate to say it, but he has bruises all over his legs just from diaper changes. He fights us until we have to pin him down. It got so bad that some days it took both of us to change his diaper, it's rough. What I started doing is distracting him. Before I change his diaper I cut up some fruit for him to snack on while he's getting changed and turn on the kid's channel. 9 times out of 10 we get through it without a fight.
As for everyday tantrums, I usually just walk away from him and let him throw his fit, let him see that it's going to do nothing to help him get what he wants, and they have gotten better over time. He used to slam his head against walls and floors and fling himself down violently, but it seems as though he's either learning that it hurts, or learning that he isn't going to get his way by inflicting injury on himself. Either way, it is getting better.
The other problem we've been dealing with is throwing things and hitting. Throwing is easy, we just take it away (very obviously so that he knows what is going on), but hitting is harder. He thinks it's funny when we react, so we haven't figured out what to do about it yet. I'm thinking we'll start doing time outs soon.
Good Luck!!
DH and I started to have to pin him down to change him.
He also bangs his head against the floor so hard sometimes that I'm sure he has a concussion. I don't see how he can't!
Ugh, KR hits out of frustration sometimes too. We grab his hand and say "Nice touch please", which kind of helped. The problem now is that when he's "nice touching" it still isn't all that nice!
The only question I have about walking away, is are they really understanding that throwing a fit is not acceptable behavior? or are they just seeing that it doesn't get reaction, so at some point the kiddo will find something that WILL get a reaction? Opinions?
It could be. Wyatt has all but stopped throwing huge tantrums, but the hitting/throwing got worse after he got through the tantrum phase. So you're probably right that he moved onto another behavior that does get the reaction he's looking for.
I don't think there is an effective way to make a toddler that age really understand what is acceptable behavior, especially tantrums (because they've already fallen off the deep end emotionally). I'm starting to notice Wyatt being easier to reason with on some level... I can say 'Please don't hit Mommy, it hurts. Hitting isn't a nice thing to do' and then show him to be gentle, but I'm not sure how much is actually getting absorbed. That being said, when we play with his baby doll and I show him how to treat the baby and how to be gentle, he seems to get that pretty good.
I'm really interested to see what everyone else is doing about tantrums.
I like this... the whole "learned behavior" thing. If there's no reaction, they'll quickly learn it's a waste of time/energy but if they see you give in, even just once or twice, they learn that try hard enough and mom/dad will give in and give them the attention they are looking for. Hopefully it's a short phase...
Jenny McCarthy = Former Playmate and MTV host
Pediatrician = Doctor with extensive experience and education on children.
Bumpies = Don't get me started!
I know who I get my health advice from!
What are you looking at?