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I could F'ing kill my mom & mil
They know my biggest fear of DH being deployed is him being killed (obviously). I have explained to them about how every time the door bell rings I panic, every time the dogs bark I am scared that it is someone coming to tell me that my husband has been killed.
I am laying in bed tonight and I see this light shine in my living room. At first I think it is some burglar trying to break into my house. I walk farther out and see that it is a car in my drive way. I start bawling and thinking that this can't be happening to me. They don't get out of the car and I see sirens at the top. I walk outside and a police officer gets out of the car. All I can think is that he isn't military and my husband is still alive. He asks me if I'm Jessica and if I have a mom who lives in Lafayette. Great, now I am thinking that my mom is dead and for some reason this is how they are notifying me.
Turns out for some reason my phone hasn't been accepting calls. My mom has been trying to call me for 3 hours (yes only 3 freaking hours) and because I'm 9 months pregnant she thinks that I am passed out or having some medical emergency in my house and since I'm all alone no one knows. I start crying on the police officer's shoulder and go inside (turn off and on my phone again) and get a hold of her.
She starts crying and telling me that she and MIL didn't know what else to do other than send the police over to my house. Ummm why not send me a message on facebook, call my friends, call our FRO. They didn't do any of that. They just decided that it would be best for their own nerves to send someone over to my house, knowing full well what seeing headlights in my driveway at this time of night would do to me.
So now I sit, by myself, crazy upset and can't stop crying. I'm 14 hours away from my friends/family and now I have to deal with all these feelings by myself. I'm sorry to post such a long rant but I needed to "tell" someone who would understand.
Re: I could F'ing kill my mom & mil
Photo bomb, yeah!
I know that my panic doesn't seem healthy, the problem is that I am only a week into our first deployment. I don't know how to cope yet or how to deal with all this worry. I already suffer from an anxiety disorder that stems from my dad and sister dying in a car accident that my family was in when I was 14. I am always afraid of someone I love drying. I am seeing a therapist to help deal with the extra anxiety during this time, but I am not able to be on my anxiety meds because the ones that work aren't safe for the baby so that makes it that much harder.
I wish that I could have thought logically when I saw the car. Noticed that it was a police officer. It was just my worst fears playing out in front of me. I didn't even know what to do. I am also just so mad at mother and mil. I talk to both of them on a daily basis. I had talked to both of them multiple times today. They had only been trying to reach me for 3 freaking hours. They didn't even think to try to contact me another way they just jumped on the phone to the police. It is so frustrating.
I'm sorry to hear about your dad & sister. I'm glad to hear you are seeing a therapist because E&A is right, when you have the baby shiit may get crazy. I hope you find a balance soon.
I'm sorry about your dad and sister. I completely agree with Lace though.
Also, while I understand being upset that it stressed you out and freaked you out, I think you're kind of being a hypocrite. Your mom and MIL were worried about you and afraid you were dead or something happened to you, and maybe also acted irrationally. While your biggest fear is something happening to your H, I can imagine your mom's is probably something happening to you, especially after what your family went through.
I get that this is your first deployment and it's just the first week, but you really need to seek some help. You already have anxiety so to add that to all of this isn't helping you. Talking to someone will help, they have free counceling on base and you can get some from military one source. You're adding stress to yourself and the baby at a time when you need to not add stress. Are you getting out of the house, getting a routine, staying busy? That will help with the deployment. Give yourself a day or two mope and then get going!
Are you still thinking about going home? (I think you had talked about going back home to have the baby or shortly after the baby was born.)
Do you know the rules on the CACOs?
Also maybe talk with your mom and your MIL about an approperiate amount of time to not hear from you, and other ways of contacting you. I am often out and about (movies, dinner with friends, etc), or teaching dance class, and I don't answer my phone. I get back to them when I am able too, sometimes it's the next day.
If you ever want to do anything I'm in the Jville area.