Family Matters
JoEsther
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Mother's Day challenge - two mothers
We have a Two Mother situation - DH's mother and SIL's husband's mother. Both are local, both want to do MD on Sunday. SIL is a bit... controlling?... and she's determined that they're doing to do dinner with her MIL at 6, and DH's mother's MD will be at 4:30 at their house in the form of a BBQ.
My thinking is, if my MIL is fine with that, I'm good. However, I really don't like not being given a choice or asked for my thinking here. To me, a brunch would make more sense and break up less of the day.
It's not a hill I'm willing to die on, as things are going well with the ILs and I want to keep it that way, but I'm curious - have you dealt with similar situations and what did you do?
Re: Mother's Day challenge - two mothers
Trust me, it could be A LOT worse. I'd show up a little earlier to the BBQ so you don't feel bad about leaving in time to make it to dinner. If you're a tad late to dinner, who cares? Dinner is never really on time anyways. At least they aren't both trying to do dinner. The best advice I have is to stop worrying about what everyone else feels and enjoy your day. If people are going to love you, they'll love you. If this is going to offend someone, they're just finding reasons to dislike you and why would you want to be continually trying to please someone who cannot be pleased? GOOD LUCK!
Not for nothing, but if your SIL and her husband made plans with his mother first, then like ANY OTHER manners driven event/exchange, the plans agreed to first take precedent.
What if SIL's Husband's Mother would like to celebrate the day with all of her kids together and dinner was the only timeframe that worked? If she or her kids (since many times mother's day invitations are offered by the children) got around to organizing it first....
And has your DH or his Sister actually OFFERED an alternative?
Ok., so SIL has decided that the celebration for her mom (your MIL) will be at 4:30 at her house?
A couple thoughts -
1- in the future, your DH could talk to SIL ahead of time about the plans and tell her what would work for you all.
OR
2- if SIL doens't want to listen,m you and DH can simply decide "this is what we're going to do" and make the plans before SIL does and get it on the calendar.
OR
3- while MIL wants to celebrate w/ both of her kids, your DH can still say "unfortunately 4:30 doesn't work for us, but we'd like ot take you out to brunch". I get it that you want to work w/ her and that's nice, but you CAN say "no" if 4:30 isn't good.
BUT - that being said - I guess I'm not really seeing how brunch at 11 is any less "breaking up the day" than a BBQ at 4:30.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Honestly, I think Mother's Day brunch is a nightmore. I guess not so much if someone is hosting at their home, but I am celebrating Mother's Day on Saturday just so we don't have to deal with crowds!!! I'd be happy if someone else decided to host. Offer to bring something that can be made the day before (wine, cake, etc.) so you're not working during the day.
I think you are choosing to be angry. Nothing is wrong with 4:30 - - you have the whole day until then. The only thing that would bother me is if you feel that your MIL is "rushed out the door" so that SIL could see her MIL.
You could also tell MIL that 4:30 doesn't work for you but you'd love to see her earlier - or later.
I'd LOVE it if someone else hosted!!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10