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Living apart for work
I'm new to this board - I lurk a lot, but have never posted. I post a bit over on The Bump. Anyway, I'd definitely appreciate advice from the ladies here!
Currently, I'm miserable in my job. It is not doing much for my career, and frankly, I'm not that happy with what I do. As such, I sent my resume in for a position that looked great, and after one interview on the phone, I've been offered the position. It is great pay and good benefits, and I'd be doing what I really want. The only caveat - it is 3 hrs away from where we live now.
My husband was laid off last year, but has been working as a consultant on an international project with an acquaintance here. The job is flexible, but he'll need to be here for most of the time, at least for a few months. So, he could come down to me for a week, and I'd come up here on the weekends.
I'm wondering, has anyone had to live apart from their spouse for work temporarily (aside from the Military)? And if so, what are your thoughts? If the job were here, it would be a no brainer. It is the distance / living apart thing that is tough for me. All my family and most of our friends are located where the new job would be, so I'd have that support group, at least.
Re: Living apart for work
Hi. I don't usually post here, but I think I can help. DH is a pilot and therefore, he is gone for stretches of days (3-4 at a time). We do share the same house, but with him away lots we have learned to live differently than most couples.
The two biggest things are the daily logisitcs of operating a home and communication. With the first, you need to have a plan of who will be paying bills and taking care of those monthly or weekly tasks etc. Work that out ahead of time so there is no confusion. With communication it should be daily and not just a quick hello. Make time to talk as if you were sitting on a sofa together.
Also, you should discuss how long this arrangement will last. 6 months? 12 months? Will there be an end in sight? And, what are the expectations? Will he need to be looking for a job near you? Will you be moving back at some point?
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This. We lived apart for 18 months while engaged. We just talked and texted a lot. If you don't have kids it isn't horrible, especially when you can see each other every weekend, which is sounds like you all could.
Right now we split the distance and each drive 45 minutes opposite directions for work.
I think this is totally doable for the short term. My concern would be finances, as well. Would your salary be enough to cover your solo living expenses or are you planning to stay with family?
Are there career opportunities for your DH in the city where your new position is? Or something closer than 3 hours away?
I think the other ladies have already covered everything else. Good luck in making your decision.
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We went thru a similar situation two years ago, I was unemployed and I could not get a job in my town and started looking at other cities, I got a good offer from a company 3 hours away, it was an excellent career move for me. We sat down calculated all the expenses of having two households, and also exploring options for DH, we knew this would be only temporary (6 months at most) for us to be apart, the job I was offered was an oppurtunity not to be missed, DH's job on the other hand was something he could find again.
Then we started adding all the costs related to moving, two households, etc, although my pay was a lot higher and we could manage two households, we did cut back on a lot of things for a short time, like cable at one household only. Meanwhile we put our house in the market for rent, it got rented some what quick, so that resulted into DH having to commute every thursday, and commute back on monday morning, he worked out a deal with an extended stay near his office to get a discounted rate and that was cheaper than having to pay two rent, utility, cable, etc... But this got old very quick, so after three months DH quit his job and joined me. This also allowed him to be able to concentrate in finding a job in our new city.
It is doable, a lot of couples do it, I think sometimes becomes more stressful on the partner who has to commute all the time or more than the other. At the end of the day you have to decide which city you want to call home and base your decision on that.