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Need some adivce
So, I've been with my boyfriend for about a year now. And I care about him a lot but, I'm not sure I love him. I have been in love before and this just doesnt feel the same to me. The thing is he is the only boyfriend I have had that actually treats me well. My ex-boyfriend used to treat me like crap but thinking about it now, I was always so excited to see him. I loved doing anything with him even if it was just for a short time.
My problem is, I'm afraid that what I want is like a fairytail/movie type love and that it doesnt really exist. Does that exist? I don't know. I want to be able to be with him and know for sure that he's everything I want. I don't feel that way about my current boyfriend. It's not that I don't want to see him its just like sometimes (maybe a lot of times) I'd rather just be home. I feel like the relationship is lacking...passion. I guess that would be the right word.
I've talked to my mom about it a few times but, I don't really know where else to go with this. She tells me not every realtionship is perfect and I know that but when I told her how I feel and what I would want out of relationship, she's like "oh well that doesnt really exist." And my reply was, "Does it really not exist? Or have we just not found that type of love yet?" I dont know. If that doesn't exist and this is the best it will ever be then there is no point in even questioning my current relationship.
Adivce please..?
Re: Need some adivce
What your current problem is: a self esteem issue -- you are settling for a guy that you don't really want.
I*t could also be that the relationship has run its course.
Maybe he is not the one for you either. There are nice guys out there, but just because he is just nice doesn't mean that he is right for you. Don't be with a guy that treats you like crap though either. You deserve more than that.
I don't think any relationship is perfect, but I do think that you can find someone that will make you happy and will treat you right, but it is a two way street.
1. You should be with someone you love.
2. You should be with someone who treats you well.
This isn't a "pick one" situation...a good relationship will be both. (That doesn't mean it will be a fairy tale, but you don't have to settle for one without the other.) I agree with PP...this guy probably isn't the one. If you know you don't love him I don't think it's fair to him to pretend that you do. Maybe it's time to get out of the relationship. Also, it might not hurt to look into this:
Because, to me, that's a sign of low self-esteem.
Good luck with whatever you choose.
Ok I was in a terrible roller coaster relationship before I met my future husband. My ex was crazy and was all over the place emotionally. I had a hard time dating after that because I felt like no one was passionate enough. The problem is crazy is not passion, it's crazy. You need some time to realize the previous relationship was crap. I recommend being single until you're ready..
All of this...I recommend you take a break from the new guy and see how you really feel. I never thought I would marry my DH...I thought he was "too nice" like that was bad or something. Turns out it took me a while to be comfortable being treated well.
Ok sister, I can relate. I married a guy that I loved, but I wasn't "in love" with. We had been dating for 3 years and we were pregnant and I just thought it was the right thing to do. You know what happened? It fell apart. I mean it became horrible and we ended our marriage once and for all over a year ago. We were together a total of 7 years. I felt just how you did. I thought I wanted something that didn't exist. I know they say fairytale romances don't exist and in a sense, they don't. But let me tell you that there is such thing, at least in my book. To me I have a fairytale romance and I count my blessings each and every day. My fiancee is absolutely amazing and I honestly didn't believe men like him existed and he has said the same about me. You need to be honest with yourself and your boyfriend. Don't just settle. Trust me, it's worth the wait for your perfect man.
Crazy in love is still crazy, you know.
And there's a reason why fairytales have dragons, fairies, huge pumpkins that turn into carriages, and mice that turn into horses. These things don't exist. And as far as the movies go- what happens after the credits?
But someone who loves you, someone you love, and someone who treats you well? That, you can definitely have. And if you don't have it with your boyfriend, you need to get another boyfriend.
The lines that stuck out to me were:
"I have been in love before and this just doesnt feel the same to me."
"My ex-boyfriend used to treat me like crap but thinking about it now, I was always so excited to see him."
"I feel like the relationship is lacking...passion."
Maybe the reason it doesn't feel the same is that a large part of what drew you into the relationship was adrenaline. That he was passionate and exciting and maybe the "nice guy" you're dating now isn't as exciting as your ex was.
When I first started dating my husband I wasn't that into him but it's been almost 3 years and I am probably more head over heels for him than ever. I think that's where the great fairytale love hides sometimes - in the super nice but less passionate guys. My hubby and I tell each other almost every day how amazed we are that we married someone who is far above and beyond what we could've ever dreamed of.