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BROTHER IN-LAW PROBLEMS
"""PLEASE EXCUSE MY ENGLISH, ITS NOT MY1ST LANGUAGE"""
I have lots of problems with my brother in-law, every time my husband and I go to visit his family we have to hear crap coming out his mouth(brother in law), every time he sees my husband, brother in law has to criticize him about his weight(my husband).but brother in law he is fat (overweight ) the only difference is he does go the the gym to lose what he eats that day.that is not all: he also makes fun of any body around him with his nasty jokes that is not accepted by no one in the family. even his sister &his mom, he is trying to hard to make all family believe he is the perfect one in the family because he goes to gym.and healthier, like i care. matter fact i don't like his person i feel his an ARROGANT person, he always likes to be the center of the his family attention. once we were having lunch at his mom and he said of no where""look at me im perfect, healthier, and im not one of you (his family) coz you all fat and sick like diabetic , and im not ) i was 0_o speechless i will never in million years say that to my mom or my sisters and brothers.i cant not stand him around me every time he shows up i leave, he can hurts their feeling very easy without thinking, he likes to talk about himself lots like he know everything, and if someone disagree he shut them up, fight them coz he always pick a fights, only to get his way.lately he got married from outside the country the girl from the same culture, but different backgrounds, from what his family telling me he made her go to the gym to lose weight from the first time he saw her, and want her to lose weight before she got here to look perfect in his family, she is close to my age and the family trying to make me likes her and get closer to her and be friend with her, and stuff but the thing is i really cant stand her husband behavior, and i have been voiding him for a long time now. i do not want to judge his wife base on him, but i can not be around him.
I do not know what to with the his wife and how should I treat her & how I deal with his arrogance and how I act around him?
Re: BROTHER IN-LAW PROBLEMS
You can say, "If I want your advice, I will ask for it."
It's OK to continue to avoid him if he continues to treat you badly. I don't go out of my way to see my BIL. My BIL is heavy with the advice to everyone around him. I told him he needs to stop talking like a salesman, and learn how to have a conversation where it's just a few sentences at a time, and then allow the other person to speak. He will get an idea in his head, and try fifty different angles to sell the idea to whoever he is trying to change. You can tell him that what he lacks is tact - being rude to someone and expecting a warm response is insane.
What I get now from BIL is he still tries to push ideas on others, but he's more calm and trying to be nice about it. At least most of the rudeness is gone and it's not as bad as it was before.
And at the same time, he might very well be concerned for his family's health, and he doesn't have any good way to say it. If he was being nice with his advice, would you take some of it and work out more and eat well? Or do you find maybe you not exercising and eating better is a defiance toward your BIL? This is definitely a touchy subject. I have been overweight, and people would address the issue in different ways. When someone seemed to try to pressure me to lose weight, it would make me not want to change any of my habits because I didn't want to feel forced into doing something -- and I'd feel like I was making their pressuring to be OK.
But going back to orginal statement - you can always say: "If I want your advice I'll ask for it. Let's change the subject."
I think Leigh2222 had good advice. Also...
This ^ is a good start. If your BIL is toxic, then choose not to be around him. If your husband is sick of his brother's behavior he can choose to not be around him either.
As for your BIL's new wife... You can certainly try to be friends with her if you want to. Call her up to hang out just the two of you and see if there's a friendship worth pursuing there. (Maybe she'll be great and you'll have a lot in common, maybe not.) If its not possible to be friends with her (or if you don't want to) without BIL being around then just don't, and be honest about why. Tell your in-laws "BIL constantly puts my husband down, puts you down, and makes inappropriate comments that I am not comfortable with. I don't need that kind of negativity in my life so I won't be around him." It's your choice and if they don't like it, well, too bad for them.
If your Brother in-law is arrogant, I'm sure everyone else in the family picks up on this too. I'm sure your not the only one who doesn't enjoy his company. Just tolerate him. That's the essence of family relationships--tolerance.
As far as the new wife goes, just be nice to her and get to know her whenever your forced to be around the family. She might be a super nice person. Who knows, maybe she'll whip your arrogant brother in-law's attitude into line.
My advice is the same as before: tell BIL that he is no longer welcome in your home, or in your company, until he grows up and gets his *** together; the nastiness and divisiveness is OVER.
Do not attend a function where he is attending; speak to his wife and tell him she is welcome in your home, but not him -- and why --- and tell her that's how it will be until he stops being so nasty.
steph bez: thank you very much for correcting me.as i said the first time i posted in here: please excuse my english because its not my first language, its just been 3 years learning english, and im very open minded to learn more, never quit im just very thankful for all the advices i got,and very greatfull to all who took time to understand what i tried to say,,,, thank you all XOXOXOXO
ooops, im sure my grammar, punctuation, spelling, sentence errors out of perfection
thank you again