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jneyens88
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Hubby Quit His Job W/O Discussing it with Me...
I love my husband dearly. He is a former Recon Marine who recently graduated with his Bachelors Degree. He had a good job with benefits and he worked from home. He hated it though as he is one of those types of people that can not work from home and the job stressed him out to the point it started affecting his life off the clock. He put his two weeks notice in after talking to his dad and fearing he'd be laid off anyway. I understand this and he has told me not to worry and he will pay his half of bills, etc... However, he was looking for a temp job just until he finds out if he will make it into the local fire dept-which takes about 6 months. His new temp job is a delivery driver! Although I am greatful that he found a job fairly quickly, it is not a reliable source of income...and it's a job for high schoolers-not someone with their bachelors degree. I mean he didn't even look for another job, he just took the easiest thing that came along. I'm upset that he didn't consult with me before making this huge decision, and I have lost a little respect for him because its like he is comfortable and has lost all motivation. He got stressed out over money yesterday and picked a fight with me at work via text knowing I can't call him and that I would think about it until I got home. When I get home after my 12 hour shifts, I find him on the computer playing games and the house is a mess. I have completely lost my sex drive and am starting to resent his lack of ambition but am trying to be a supportive and understanding wife. Anyone have any advice?
Re: Hubby Quit His Job W/O Discussing it with Me...
Lots of people are working below their education. It's a bad economy in case you didn't get the memo. (I have a BA and have been working two part time jobs for almost three years while I continue to search for better employment.) So the fact that you're losing respect for him because of his delivery job rubs me the wrong way.
Counseling is in order or at least a sit down chat about the issues at hand.
You completely misunderstand...its not the job per say that really upset me (as I stated in my previous post I'm glad he found something quickly), its the lack of ambition as he didn't even try-or is trying to find a better job;nor is he studying for his tests to the fire dept which makes me think he's not really serious about it. During his previous job he made statements to me like, "I just don't want to work". He would sit at home, clocked in, and watch tv shows on his computer and not do any work. The main reason he quit his previous job is because he became paranoid that he was going to get laid off. Like I said before, I am trying very hard to be understanding and supportive, but I'm thinking he may be depressed and is still trying to find himself. When I try to talk to him about how I feel he gets defensive and says that the converstation will make him mad if we talk any further. I can't just hold it all in.
Okay. Well your H sounds like he needs a visit to his Dr and some counseling.
He's lacking motivation, purpose, direction, and communication. It's not good he quit his job without consulting you, but what is done is done. He needs to pull his weight around the house with chores while he figures out his path. And possibly the both of you can come to an agreement that after, say, six months at his driving job he considers sticking to a new career path. (At least trying for a new career, even if it involves some more schooling at night or weekends.) Sometimes a timeline is helpful for people who are in a rut. And both should agree not to quit jobs again without consulting the other.
There's no guarantee that he'll magically be motivated after six months, and that his communication has improved. At that time you could consider counseling, or now, whichever, but I'm sure you know his behavior can't go on for years.