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Newly Wed Struggles
Ok. So I'm new to the boards, but I would like a little advice. My husband and I have only been married about 7 months, but things are already rocky. I started a business a few months before our wedding (big mistake), and I have not been able to turn a profit yet. My husband now says that he doesn't trust me anymore because he thought I would have started making money by now. We are still financially secure. However, he says that he doesn't trust me and therefore is not attracted to me, doesn't want to spend time with me, and remains physically distant. I don't know how to work through this. It really hurt when he told me he didn't trust me. I have been looking for another job, but he doesn't believe I'm trying, even though that is all I do during the day. I also continue to cook, clean, do laundry, and generally take care of him, but it isn't good enough.
I don't want to talk to friends about this as much, because I'm afraid they will think less of him, and make the relationship even more difficult. Any ideas how to build trust, and help him see I need more affection?
Re: Newly Wed Struggles
First, the business part. Most businesses take a year or more to start turning a profit, the first year is the most difficult. If need be, you may want to sit down with a business management advisor or someone like that, someone that may be able to give your pointers and advice about your particular business venture.
As far as your H, it sounds like he is using the lack of profit as an excuse to push away from you. You said he "remains physically distant" - when exactly did that start? Before or after the wedding took place? That is important.
As far as the trust issue, you need to sit down with him, and ask him to explain exactly what he means by distrusting you,is it just with finances, or relationship-wise, or what? What is it about you that he "all of a sudden" finds unattractive?
I find it strange that this pops up out of the blue. My observation upon reading your post is he realized that he does not want to be married and wants out. Of course, this is from the one post you have written.
I wish you the best in sorting this out.
Wow, what happened to "for better or for worse." You know the man more than we do. Would he be this angry, or do you think there is something else. I can't imagine this being the reason DH would lose trust in me. I think there has to be more than your business not turning a profit at this point. If this is abnormal behavior for my DH, I would be checking his cell/texts. Just doesn't sit right w/ me.
It sounds like your husband regrets getting married to you and is using your business as the scapegoat. Perhaps there is more to the business story than your realize. Did you borrow his money? If so, he may see the lack of profit as you losing his money rather than an investment. There are numerous theories, but only he can tell you the truth.
1: You need to ask him directly whether he regrets your marriage, or why the business caused him to lose trust in you. You know perfectly well that this isn't a normal reason to withdraw from a spouse.
2: If he wants to work on your marriage, request therapy or counseling. Getting another opinion to strengthen your marriage can only do good.
First of all, I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. I don't know anything about owning a business, so I can't help there, but I second the PP who suggested counseling. It does not sound like your husband will be able to see things from your perspective without a third party. Also, you should not have to feel so stressed and although I understand you not wanting to involve friends and family, dealing w/this on your own will be difficult if not impossibly crushing. If your husband will not agree to seek counseling, I would reconsider whether the marriage is working for you or not. Remember, even during times when one or both of you is extremely upset with the other, the point of the marriage is to support each other.
Proud Newbie Gardener
You should post this on ProBoards. Where all the cool kids are.
http://pandce.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=ml
I'm also trying to wrap my mind around why he says he has lost trust in you and is not attracted to you. I am failing at this. If your business struggle is the only reason, it seems a little emotionally abusive. I would suggest counseling now, before this becomes irreparable. Maybe a third party can get to the bottom of why on earth he feels and acts this way.
Firstly, I think it's kind of ridiculous that your husband can't "trust" you because your business isn't profitable yet. Most businesses take more than a year just to break even, and another to become profitable. Did you hide the fact that your business was losing money? Because if not, him saying that he doesn't trust you is way out-of-bounds. I suspect a bigger issue. Counseling, ASAP.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, but it really sounds like your DH is being a jerk. Marriage is for better or worse, and your vows are so new, he can't pretend he doesn't remember them.
guess for richer or poorer was out of the question in his wedding vows?
advice?
I think he's blaming it on the business. You need some answers. He can't just step away and expect you to fix it with no support. You should ask him for the advice.