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Based on my estimate...
13 of us have considered divorce. Let's discuss....why?
I will go first. As you all know, I have a meddling parent in law issue. It has been going on six years now and I NEED some relief. They do everything possible to make things more difficult for us. I am just...over it. Enough is enough. I finally told DH to do something about it or find a new place to live. It was a scary two or three days in our house. While I get those are his parents, I can't continue to pick up the pieces of his broken heart. They are clearly never going to change, we attempted counseling with them, we have exhausted all possibilities, we are constantly going all the way over to the other side to accomodate them, I am exhausted, he is exhausted, time to move on. I hated that I had to give him that ultimatium but as I mentioned above, RELIEF.
Your story?
Re: Based on my estimate...
I won't discuss specifics about our relationship because those need to stay where they are.. between DH and me.
However, our marriage hasn't always been easy, and there were a lot of times that it seemed like it would be easier to just throw in the towel rather than confront our issues. But that never happened, and I think our relationship is stronger for it in the end.
my bookshelf!
Bloggy
Redacted.
I answered the poll even though I'm not married anymore. S and I never talked divorce, but we did talk about him getting an appartment for a bit right before I got pg with G. We knew we would work it out, but I can't say that the thought didn't briefly enter my mind then.
Things had been pretty rough for a while (like since right after V was born) and we both realized that something needed to change. We ended up not having him move out and worked things out after I got pregnant with G. The last 12 months of our marriage were probably the best out of all the time we were together.
I am curious Shansbride, what changed and made things rough after V was born? How did you all end up working things out?
((Sorry, I am fascinated by this stuff. It seems like all of my friends have these perfect marriages and it is sometimes frustrating to me that it seems we have to work so hard to deal with all of this background noise. Irritating))
you're fine. Here's the condensed version--
When I was pg with V, we were working on the house and it was really dusty and dirty and we decided it wasn't good for me to be breathing in all of that yuck so I went and stayed at my parents' house while S stayed home and worked on the house. I think that was our first problem. Then, after V was born, I was really bitter that he wasn't more sympathetic about my feelings about his birth and how hard (physically and emotionally) my recovery was. I didn't really tell him how I was feeling and he couldh't read my mind, so things just kept getting worse and we didn't do anything about it. Things started getting better for a bit and we started trying to get preganant again. We had a harder time getting pregnant the second time and that was hard on us as a couple too. Then, when I got pregnant, we started to fight about how and where we were going to have M and that was hard too. After M was born, things got really bad and thats when we started to talk about him getting an appartment. We just felt like what we were doing wasn't working and we needed to try something different. Right around that time, he quit his job (his old job was asking him to do some things that he wasn't morally okay with and he was just not happy there which flowed over into home life) and got a new job. Also, an old boyfriend (who didn't live in Oklahoma and who I stayed friends with after we broke up) called me. It was very platonic and S and I talked about it, and he was okay with us talking, but I think it made him a little jealous. S started to be nicer to me and I started to be nicer to him and things got really really good. I got pg with G and even though she wasn't a planned pregnancy, it really brought us a lot closer together. We started to really talk things through and started to spend more time together and just hung out together without the kids more. It really helped to just be together. Like I said before, the last 12 months of our marriage were the best.
Also, no one knew we were struggling. He didn't tell anyone and neither did I. After he died, I mentioned all of this to my BFF and she was shocked. She thought things were great between us the whole time. She said she didn't like to tell me about her struggles with her husband because she thought S and I had a perfect marriage. Even when she did tell me about the problems they were having, I didn't tell her about us.
While I haven't "considered" divorce necessarily, I have thought about what life would be like if I weren't married to H, either if we had never gotten married or if we got divorced for some reason. It was never because I felt like I needed out, just random daydreaming.
And yes, our marriage is fine. It's been stronger lately, for some reason. At least I feel that way. I feel like there is more honesty about some issues, especially from him, and I think seeing him that way has made my love for him stronger. It's good to see his guard down sometimes...since mine is almost never up lol.
My relationship with H has had a lot of ups and downs. After we found out JJ was on his way [we were engaged when I got pregnant], things were solid - but then we got married, family drama on his side started, and things turned to sh!t. We separated for awhile during the end of our first year of marriage because we weren't happy and needed to figure out if we rushed into marriage because we got pregnant or if we really wanted to be together forever.
After counseling, him joining the Air Force [which gave him the job stability that he really needed, because he'd been bouncing around jobs for a long time], and getting rid of some family drama, things got a lot better. The past year has been the best year of our marriage, even with living in two different places, deployment and a surprise second baby.