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Overreacting??
My BF & I (we recently moved in together) are going on our first weekend trip together this weekend. We made arrangements a month ago for sitters, reserved hotel, etc. His sister, who was going to 'watch' his three (they are 15, 14 & 12) called to say her son is sick & that BF's kids cant come over. He called their mother & asked that she watch them... quick story... they have been divorced for 7 years, he has full custody & she see's the kids when she needs a 'mom fix' (as BF says)... Her & her BF live with her sister & she said since the kids were not welcome over there, she would be more than happy to watch them, at our house! He asked how I felt about that & I became upset that he even asked.
I told my BF that I do not trust her to stay in our house for 3 days. This is a woman who has been in trouble for theft, took her kids camera, dvd player & x-box to pawn shop for money to bail her BF out of jail, who met me one time & told their oldest that I am just a b***h who thinks i'm better than her & told my BF that he should pay her for 'babysitting' their kids.
So, I am asking... was I overreacting?
Re: Overreacting??
Given her living situation I don't think it was out of line for her to ask to watch the kids at your home (especially since she would be doing you a favor at the last minute.) But given her history, I don't think it's unreasonable that you wouldn't want her there. I do think you're overreacting for getting pissed off at your BF for asking your opinion. If he said okay without asking you, THEN you could get mad. He was just offering a possible solution (and really just asking your opinion, not even suggesting you actually do it) so you wouldn't have to cancel your trip.
Let it go. Cancel the trip and reschedule for when you have childcare.
I'm more interested as to why you would decide to move in with someone you've never even taken a weekend trip with. That seems odd.
All in all, it's logical so far. And it's logical that your BF asked you about it just to make sure and to also let you know that he is pursuing ALL options.
And yes, your reasons for not wanting her to stay are totally understandable.
But I'm really, REALLY missing why you're so pissed that he ASKED you. That's called communciation and if you really don't want him to communicate with you- then I side-eye YOU and hwo you think good relationships work.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
All this.
I would suggest just canceling the trip and waiting until you have trust worthy childcare. I wouldnt want that woman in my house either, it's a given that she will go through your things. If you want to go that bad you better off going on care.com to find a weekend nanny.
You did overact because he asked you, at least he asked you first.
No two partners are always on the same exact page about every issue, so that is why communication is so important. You can't let your emotions get the best of you. This is the time to be calm and assertive and say, "While I appreciate you asking me what I think about your ex staying at our house, I don't feel comfortable with her being in our house without us here. I would be nervous during our weekend away. Are you OK if we reschedule our trip, and next time we have a firm plan B regarding childcare in case plan A does not work?"
I'm not a parent and I don't know how responsible the kids are so maybe it's a dumb question, but is there a reason why a 15 year old, 14 year old, and 12 year old can't stay by themselves for 3 days? I started babysitting for other families at age 11, and babysat my younger siblings overnight at age 13. (Of course, I had first aid training.) Is that an option? Perhaps a family friend could check in on them periodically?
1. When DH and I travel without DS, the person watching DS (who is usually his aunt or grandparents) stay with him at our house. It is easier on DS for his routine etc.
2. We only leave DS with mutually agreed upon caregivers that we both trust. If one of those people is not available to watch DS, we make plans for another time.