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I am a bit stunned.
DH has a cousin he is close to. I like her a lot, too. We live OOS. We have invited her to visit many times over the years. Her stock answer has been that she would love to but cannot afford to. DH has a frequent flyer airline ticket and after some discussion, we decided to offer it to her so she could come visit. After accepting a few days ago, she called DH back and asked if he could get her a round trip ticket to Las Vegas instead and she would buy a bus ticket to come out here. Her reasoning is that the LV flight is much more expensive.
I am a bit stunned. DH has not committed to anything yet. He thinks if she can afford a bus ticket and wants to visit us, so be it. He's not real happy about this.
Am I wrong in thinking this is rude on her part?
Re: I am a bit stunned.
Yes, this is extremely rude. Your H made an extremely generous offer because he wants to visit with his cousin, and she basically said, "Actually, I'll use the ticket to score a free vacation for myself, and buy a bus ticket to come visit you (which I apparently could have done all along, even though I always told you I couldn't afford to come.") Very poor judgement on her part, I think.
Has your H decided how he's going to handle this? I would be at a bit of a loss myself, but maybe I would tell her something like, "We've earned this ticket, and we were going to use it to take a trip ourselves. Of course, we'd rather use it to visit with you, but if you don't want to use it for that than we're going to go ahead with our original plans and take a trip ourselves." Either that, or he could just come right out and tell her that she's being rude. Whatever he decides, he certainly should NOT buy her the Vegas ticket.
I have to tell you we were both really taken aback. Frankly, though he has not said so, I think DH's feelings are hurt. To be honest, the more I think about it, I think I'm getting a little offended because it was nice of DH to offer this to her. I'm not sure what he is going to say or do.
Honestly, my feelings would be hurt, too. And if this was someone I liked and felt close to, I'd be feeling really let down right now. Your H did a very nice thing to offer the ticket, and it sure sounds like his cousin's trying to take advantage of him. Just out of curiosity, does she at least need to go to Vegas for a wedding or some other obligation? Not that it would really matter, but it would make the whole thing slightly more understandable than say, if she just wanted to take a vacation...
>>> Just out of curiosity, does she at least need to go to Vegas for a wedding or some other obligation? Not that it would really matter, but it would make the whole thing slightly more understandable than say, if she just wanted to take a vacation...>>>
It's for a trip with some friends---I don't think it involves a wedding or anything like a bachelorette party.
That's very rude.
Your H should rescind his offer IMO.
I guess the first issue would be whether or not the points/ticket were tranferable. This could be a moot disagreement. Maybe the cousin thinks you have so many miles, you won't miss them passing them along to her.
I would encourage your DH to re-state his offer. "Cousin, DW and I made the offer of the ticket to relieve you of the burden of the cost to visit us not to go on vacation. If you'd rather take the bus here, that's fine, too."
I wonder if SHE feels as close to DH as he feels to her. And I have to wonder if this side trip to come see you all would actually happen.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I have cousins (and friends) I feel close to, as well, but I wouldn't use up my vacation time to go visit them, much spend a lot of money. And yes, if I could shape my "visit" with a trip to a cool city I would be much more likely to see them - - but spending $$ to hang around in the suburbs (when I can do it for free in my own home) just doesn't work for me. I don't think that makes me a bad person, just someone who is willing to meet up at weddings and have a relationship without visiting person to person. If I could drive for a weekend, yes, I'd visit. But a plane ride? Not so much.
If you want to see your cousin so badly, maybe in the future you could arrange to meet up in a cool, but neutral location? (a city or landmark in between the two of you)?
And yes, she was rude, but I wouldn't think less of her for not jumping up and down at the idea of spending her vacation at your house.
I don't think anyone is asking the cousin to choose between Vegas or a family visit. In fact, the cousin herself said that she would do both--as long as OP and her husband foot the bill for the Vegas ticket.
If the cousin can only take one trip and she'd rather go to Vegas, all she has to do is say, "I'm sorry, but I've already used up my vacation time for this year." End of story, and I don't think anyone would think less of her. The issue is that the cousin is trying to get OP's husband to pay for her Vegas vacation.
Part of the backstory is that the OP and her H DO keep asking the cousin to visit, and won't take "no" for an answer. ("oh, you don't have money? We'll PAY for your ticket!") That's pretty rude, too. After a while the OP and her husband should have taken the hint. "I'd love to see you, but can't afford to..." = she doesn't want to visit.
One of the reasons the OP is angry is that "wow! it seems this whole time she really COULD afford to visit us, she just didn't WANT to! She has money for VEGAS but not for US!!!" Instead of being happy that the cousin was trying to spare their feelings by claiming lack of funds (vs. lack of interest) for travel, now that is another strike against the cousin.
No. She wants our ticket to go to Vegas versus coming to visit us. She wants to pay for a lesser bus ticket. It would be DH's ticket paying for her flight to Vegas.
You are SO delusional!
YOU wrote "DH has a cousin he is close to. I like her a lot, too. We live OOS. We have invited her to visit many times over the years. Her stock answer has been that she would love to but cannot afford to. DH has a frequent flyer airline ticket and after some discussion, we decided to offer it to her so she could come visit"
You invited her a couple of times, she said "No I can't go" and you "discussed it" with DH and decided to keep pressing the issue by telling her you would pay for her to come.
Is it rude on her part to add Vegas.....maybe a bit, although I do understand why she might try to piggyback an extra stop over in a place that she may not get to see again if she lives far away and doesn't get to travel often.
Honestly, I think she is asking about Vegas with the hope that you will take back the ticket and she won't have to come out!
You are SO delusional!
YOU wrote "DH has a cousin he is close to. I like her a lot, too. We live OOS. We have invited her to visit many times over the years. Her stock answer has been that she would love to but cannot afford to. DH has a frequent flyer airline ticket and after some discussion, we decided to offer it to her so she could come visit"
You invited her a couple of times, she said "No I can't go" and you "discussed it" with DH and decided to keep pressing the issue by telling her you would pay for her to come.
Is it rude on her part to add Vegas.....maybe a bit, although I do understand why she might try to piggyback an extra stop over in a place that she may not get to see again if she lives far away and doesn't get to travel often.
Honestly, I think she is asking about Vegas with the hope that you will take back the ticket and she won't have to come out!