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Backseat Drivers

I'd like to preface this by saying that my husband is a sweet, amazing man, and I love him so much.  Honestly, he treats me very well, and we have a good relationship.  Lately, though, I've been driving more than I usually do, and he can't seem to contain his little comments.  For example, I was going uphill approaching a stoplight.  The speed limit was 45, but I'd already slowed down a lot.  At about 100 feet from the light he goes, "That's a red light, you know." Of course! I have eyes!  I also had slowed almost to a stop, and I was going to let gravity do the rest for me (I know my car better than he does).  Yesterday, we parked in a very full lot, and the spaces were a little tight.  He decided to point out that I was "a little to the left" and maybe I should "straighten out a bit".  I was definitely within the lines. I tried to point out playfully that he should administer driver's license tests, because he definitely has an eye for mistakes. He sounded extremely surprised that I thought he was criticizing me, but promised to stop.  Strangely, it's gotten worse.  I don't criticize his driving; it's not okay to be a backseat driver. I definitely have my flaws, but I really try when he points them out to me.  Does anyone else have this problem?

Re: Backseat Drivers

  • When my DH goes into backseat driver mode, I wait until it's safe to pull over. I pull over and then offer to let him drive.

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  • Let him drive...that or give him bus fare.
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  • srgwsrgw member
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    Discuss with him (when you're not driving) how you don't like his backseat driving.
  • Thanks everyone. I'm glad I'm not the only one - I was starting to feel like I was seriously overreacting or something.  I think I'll try pulling over next time and seeing if he gets it then, thanks for the suggestion.
  • imageEmilyK1116:

    I tried to point out playfully that he should administer driver's license tests, because he definitely has an eye for mistakes. He sounded extremely surprised that I thought he was criticizing me, but promised to stop. 

    This can actually come off as passive-agressive even if your intention was to be playful.  It might not be much now, but if you start to go down this road of being indirect it might be hard to stop.  Just be direct - a disagreement is better than beating around the bush. 

  • My husband is also a back seat driver.  He tells me when I should speed up, slow down, or change lanes.  At first I would obey him then I got irritated.  He must think it's amazing that I don't get into car accidents when he's not in the car to guide me.  I finally told him to stop it and that he's making me nervous.  He stopped but every now and then it starts up and I remind him to let me be.

     I also notice that I started to tell him how to drive and he finally got annoyed and told me to stop.  It was great :).

  • imageLeigh2222:
    imageEmilyK1116:

    I tried to point out playfully that he should administer driver's license tests, because he definitely has an eye for mistakes. He sounded extremely surprised that I thought he was criticizing me, but promised to stop. 

    This can actually come off as passive-agressive even if your intention was to be playful.  It might not be much now, but if you start to go down this road of being indirect it might be hard to stop.  Just be direct - a disagreement is better than beating around the bush. 

    I agree. Why are you trying so hard to be "playful" when a direct statement like "Please, don't put down my parking" is so much more effective.

    Trying to constantly dance around sore subjects puts the people around you on the defensive a lot more than a simple, direct communication.

  • if he is used to driving, maybe he is nervous or anxious being the passenger, and that expresses itself with his attempt to control your driving.  in that case, i don't think pulling over and "seeing if he gets it" will do any good.
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  • imagemrs*c*to*be:

    When my DH goes into backseat driver mode, I wait until it's safe to pull over. I pull over and then offer to let him drive.

    Yep, I did this to my husband and it absolutely stunned him. It shut him up for the rest of the drive and made me feel better for the moment. However, it wasn't a long term solution. He's simply not comfortable being a passenger, so we agree he should just do the driving. I don't really care if I drive or not.
  • imagemrs*c*to*be:

    When my DH goes into backseat driver mode, I wait until it's safe to pull over. I pull over and then offer to let him drive.

     

    Ha ha yes!!!  This is what I do..  My guy thinks I tail and speed too much.. Lol I know my car better than he does!!!  :)  Tell him he should drive then... 

     

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