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Big penis=vaginal tearing=pain..help :(
I have been marred for almost 2 years, we waited until we were married to have sex, but prior to my relationship with my husband, I had sex with old boyfriends.
I have never. EVER. had a problem with sex.
However, my husband's penis is thick. Any and all penetration gives me vaginal tearing, which makes the rest of the event painful. I'm in pain for up to a full day afterward as well.
This has resulted in sex once a month or less with my husband (thats so awful...)
I talked to my OB/GYN- she tested me for high yeast because that can cause skin tears. That test was negative. She also gave me Lidocaine cream to apply to myself 30 minutes prior to sex. But thats my issue- applying it 30 minutes before- how am I going to know in 30 minutes I'll be having sex? I've only used it twice in the past 7 months (and it did help, but it's just inconvenient).
I know there's a lube problem too- not enough natural lube. I cannot use other lube (vagisil, etc) though because after I tear, it burns me when it gets in the cuts. My OB/GYN also said not to use it if it burns.
So I feel like I am SOL. I feel awful for my husband and its affecting me psychologically now- every time sex fails I get further into a hole where I don't want to have sex anymore. This morning we tried to have sex and after it hurt I clenched up so much he couldn't penetrate- and I didn't even feel myself doing that!!
Can anyone help me? I don't think I can stop the tears, because his penis is just... too big. But, does anyone know of a lube that won't burn me after I'm torn?
Can I force myself to have sex daily in hopes I'll stretch out? This is really affecting my marriage!!
Also- I've seen alot of other people with this problem sort of- except they seem to have pain inside. My pain is on the outside, on my skin.
Re: Big penis=vaginal tearing=pain..help :(
I think your OB/GYN would know best. I would think after having sex together for over 2 years that your tissue and body would eventually get used to the size and stretch accordingly.
Vagisil isn't a lubricant but you should look into good water-based lubes that will not cause stinging and pain. Anything you can buy in a drug store - I would skip and spend a little money on something good. Just Like Me is a waterbased lube that is especially formulated for women who are sensitive to lubricant. That's just one opinion (and our company happens to sell it as well - although this is not a post to promote my business).
Secondly, have you looked into vaginal dialators? You can look these up online and they will help make your vaginal wall more flexible. Just some thoughts.
What about dilators? Would those work?
There are also oil based lubes. You might have a bit more luck with those.
Try some KY Jelly or him "working you up" before he goes in. I just got married last month and we were both virgins. Therefore we didn't really know what to expect. KY Jelly helps a lot. I've tore a little before and it never burned me.
I hope this helps you!
Ditto on the fact that Vagisil is NOT a lubricant. It is a cream to stop vaginal itching. It would have no viscosity for lovemaking.
Perhaps you should try a lubricant that is more natural -- what about one of these?
http://www.goodvibes.com/display_category.jhtml?id=catalog70002_cat33845&show=ALLPRODUCTS
First off, where are the tears occurring? At your opening or deeper inside?
Are you getting enough foreplay? How long do you guys spend getting you really aroused and ready for penetration? Is he performing cunnilingus on you? Are you having an orgasm first, before he penetrates you? How long are you spending in penetrative intercourse? When he initially enters you, are you wet? Is he taking the time to draw your natural lubrication out of your vagina and onto your labia? Is he manually stimulating you and perhaps penetrating you with his fingers to open you up a bit before he goes inside of you? Is his initial penetration of you slow and careful, or is he just plunging in? When you feel dry, are you stopping him to apply more lubricant?
Are you using condoms? Are you on hormonal birth control? Both of those can be very drying.
I think that some of your lack of lubrication might be due to anticipation of the discomfort. I would try taking vaginal penetration off the table for a couple of weeks. There are other ways to get each other off without vaginal sex. Try oral and manual sex. Try putting him between your thighs (easiest from behnid) as if you were going to have vaginal sex, but just have him move there, outside your opening, drawing your lubrication out.
And finally, try dilators or dildos that will get your vaginal opening more relaxed.
What she said!!
While I don't have your problem, I do have to agree with the Lube, "Just Like Me."
Also, it seems that you are so tense about the act that you are preventing your self from relaxing which is key, and getting wet via your natural body lubricant. I would suggest increasing your foreplay and have him use other things before he uses his penis. like his fingers, mouth or a vibrator!
NB - she's saying that she doesn't plan 30 minutes in advance. Sometimes you get swept up in the moment, get turned on, and want it NOW, not in 30 minutes. Try not to be so rude about it.
OP - dialators like another poster suggested and lube meant for sex. Some of the sex lines that do at home parties have the most natural, water based, lubes. DON'T give up. Try different kinds until you find something. And if lube doesn't work I think the dialators would be perfect for your situation. You may just have a small vagina that needs to slowly learn to accomodate a larger penis.
Am I the only one appalled that the gyno prescribed Lidocaine for sex? OP, Lidocaine is NOT a lubricant of any kind, all it's going to do is make you numb so you don't feel the tearing you're trying to prevent. You need to feel if there is any pain so you know when to stop. On the flipside of that, if you are numb, how are you going to get any pleasure?
What you should do: 1) Throw away the Lidocaine. 2) Get one of the lubes recommended here. Remember not to use an oil-base lube if you are using condoms. For something a little more durable and longer-lasting, I recommend ID Millennium. It's silicone based, so it lasts a little longer than water-based lubes. 3) Get a new gyno.
ETA: Maybe a silicone based lube isn't a good idea if you are prone to yeast infections. I truly don't know. Ladies?
ETAA: Try having an orgasm before you try penetration. That will ensure that you are as lubricated as you can get yourself, and it can also loosen your vaginal walls, making penetration a bit easier.
Ditto ALL of this.
I had similar issues a few years back, and the right lube (not Vagisil) does wonders.
Excellent point - this helps a LOT. And... pretty awesome for you.
You two should try just partial penetration. I have been in this situation in the past. If you build up gradually over time your vagina will be able to adapt. You could try just inserting past the head for a while. We did this for literally for months, but it was actually not painful and the guy was circumsized so I was actually able to get alot of stimulation from just the head....enough to even orgasm, and it was enough for him to finish as well.
It might sound unusual, but I actually felt really connected or intouch during sex, like we were both really paying attention to eachother.
I was going to say the same