Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Inlaws moving and leaving us an apartment..kinda?
My inlaws own a co-op in a upscale neighborhood in wetchester. It has one of the best school systems in the country. So when they retire to Florida they are leaving us the apartment, we will continue to pay the mortgage and maintenance. But the catch is that they will be traveling back and forth to ny for apointments and doctor visit because of the insurance.. So they want us to leave the extra room for them. Now i fear that I am just going to feel like I am going to be moving into my inlaws apartment... instead of feeling like we are moving "into our new apartment". I know that they are doing us a favor.. but i just feel kinda funny about the arrangement.
Re: Inlaws moving and leaving us an apartment..kinda?
This falls under the same heading as moving in with relatives or having them move in with you: not a good idea. If something happens, there's bad blood.
This. Plus nothing comes without some sort of strings attached....like leaving that room available for them.
So if you have a kid they forever sleep in your bedroom with you and your H? Or are there more than two bedrooms? Either way I'd say thank you but no thank you.
THIS!
I also don't understand why you don't just get your own apartment?
If you can afford monthly mortgage payments to them then what would be stopping you from finding your own place?
we will continue to pay the mortgage and maintenance.
WHY in the world would you do that??? It would still be theirs and you would be nothing but a renter. You couldnt sell it if you wanted to and if something came up between you and them, they could kick you out or sell it out from under you.
Sounds like a BAD BAD BAD idea.
Find out what the mortgage and maintenance is going to be. Are you getting to live in this apt. for a "steal?" Or is it around what you would pay in another town with a great school system (albeit, maybe not the top-notch neighborhood you are in now)?
The answer also depends on what your ILS are like. Are they totally laid-back kind of people, who will respect your wishes for when they are in the home, or will you always feel that you are in "their" house? I know I could never in 10 million years rent from my own mother for example - she's really controlling and I would never hear the end of how it is "her" home - even if I was the one making the payments!
If you don't have kids - you don't need to worry about the school system.
Unless you are receiving this apt. very cheaply, I think you and your H are doing them a huge favor. They get to rent to someone they know is reliable, they get a "free room," they get to come and go as they please, they get someone else to take over their rent payments and contribute to the equity of their apt.
You get the responsibility of a mortgage payment, no buildup of equity, limited choices on how to decorate the space you are paying for, the feeling that you are in someone else's space, no choice in location (you're going to a apt. that was right for them, not necessarily right for you), and guests who come and go as they please and who will remind you every time they "visit" that it is really their house.
This sounds like the worst kind of deal - when someone thinks they are doing YOU a favor, but you feel that you are doing THEM a favor!
If they sold the co-op, would you allow them to visit you when they are in New York for visits and doctor's appointments?
Because if they are OOT and visiting, you need to consider that they'd be visiting in whatever home you have. And if they need medical care, even check-ups, it might be really crappy to send them to a hotel while under care. You might even want one or both of them nearby if they have health issue. That's just the reality of having older, retired parents. So, you are going to need to consider having a "room" in any home you have.
I think you are RIGHT to be conserned about the reality of living in your IL's co-op ... becuase you are. Unless they want to make it YOUR co-op in every way - legally, furniture, decision-making, then I would not do it. If they are not willing to move-out their furniture and storage items, I would see that as two major red flags. Then look at the ownership paperwork and what they intend. Is this a property they intend to leave as an inheritance? Is it in a will? Will they transfer ownership now? Are there special co-op rules for you living there? Do need to go through a board, or is this a secret?
Did you mean that THEY will continue to pay the mortgage and maintenance? Because otherwise, I don't see the big draw here.
But even if they are going to pay for everything, I wouldn't do it, at least not long term. You will eventually resent the set up, and it may cause some bitterness in the family. Better to have your own space.
I agree with others - don't make mortgage payments to anything unless the deed is in your and DH's name. If they say the will states the apartment will go to you and DH once they pass away, this is not a solid agreement, as a will can be changed at any time. By not legally owning the apartment, and you making the payments, you would live your life on eggshells, not wanting to upset them over even the smallest little thing, out of fear of them being able to threaten to kick you and DH out at any time. Oh, you didn't invite them over for Thankgsiving? They respond by, "Oh well maybe we made a mistake letting you live in that apartment if you are not even letting us spend a holiday with you. I am shocked at how unappreciative you are of the apartment."
And if you and DH do get a place of your own, you could instead have a guest room for them to stay in when they come for appointments, but you could decorate the guest room any way you want, and you could feel more comfortable having conditions on them staying with you: such as 1-2 weeks notice of their arrival (and approval - because you can't be expected to always change your plans, such as having other guests over that weekend).
That doesn't look good and it is more like you'd living with relatives. When you are paying the mortgage and maintenance, why should there be a catch? It'll be a irritating thing if your relatives keep coming in. I'd suggest you to find some other apartment where you won't find anybody disturbing you