Advice for a newbie?

MayMilitaryBride · May 2012

So..my love and i just got married and now he is leaving for boot. He goes straight from boot to his AIT training. I really dont know what all to expect, i just know ive been told im going to be alone a lot, which i kind of guessed.

I know this is a more difficult life, everyone told us we were stupid for getting married before he left, bc he would change and bc the Army would own him for a long time.. I dont have any friends to talk to about this and his Mother is no help at all even though she is disabled Navy, she just tells me that ill never make it bc its too hard. All i can think is a million women, (and men) do every day so it cant be impossible..

Help?

Sanderso39 · May 2012

First of all find people who are going to listen and encourage, not just tell you it's too hard. You can do it if you have the will to and people breaking you down is never going to help. I like to say it's a DIFFERENT lifestyle, not a HARDER lifestyle. Yes you will have time alone, but use that time to figure yourself out and who you are independent of your husband, since you will be independent of him some of the time. Don't let your identity only be about being a military spouse. Keep doing things you like, keep working if you want to, volunteer for causes you believe in and buy a huge stack of books to read to pass time alone if that's your thing. Yes you will cry sometimes, yes sometimes you will feel like you can't keep doing it. But those moments will pass and you will remember why you're here (you love him) and the amazing sense of pride that comes with being part of this community. Welcome!!

iluvmytxrgr · May 2012

Sorry, but the people you've been talking to are ignorant and I have a feeling his mom just doesn't like you.

You may notice some changes in your husband when you get him back. Those should be good changes. They are changing him from just some guy to a soldier. We expect him to live, react and behave a certain way. The Army Values are loyalty, duty, respect, selfless service, honor, integrity and personal courage. I'm sure you don't have any issues with those.

The military life isn't for everyone. It can be hard. It can also be really rewarding. I have met some amazing people and have had some great opportunities through my service and my husband's service. Find support groups. Check out the Army Wife Network. They have a website, web radio show and a FB page. You can learn all sorts of info there. Military One Source is also a great place to learn about this life. There is a button in my siggy that will link you to our FAQ page. Check that out. There is a ton of info there.

Like Sanders said, have your own life outside of being a military wife. Don't let that define you. You are your own person. The people who keep sight of themselves have an easier time of this life.

MayMilitaryBride · May 2012

Thank y'all for the advice:) I really needed it, and i have a feeling she doesnt like me either, but nothing i can do about it. I have tried everything and she still keeps me at a distance. Oh well..lol I had planned to keep working and going to school, and i have an eight month old black lab named Lucy that i spend a lot of time with she is my bestfriend. Im hoping those things pass my time for now.

Sanderso39 · June 2012

I don't know how far away from home he will be stationed but I have found one of the perks of military life is living far far away from certain family members and in laws

ARMYmarriedNAVY · June 2012

IF you want to make BCT/AIT smooth for you and your DH. Write often and keep the drama out of it. He doesn't need to hear it. He can't fix it, he can't call home and he won't get the letter until at least a week AFTER you write it.

You don't have to lie to your SIT, but keep the drama to a min. Tell him about your day, what you're working on, what tasks you've accomplished - or goals you've set for yourself while you are away. Biggest of ALL - remind him that you think about him ALL THE TIME.

Focus on the positive - his hard work - and your support of HIM. BCT/AIT are extremely difficult emotionally for most SITs. When they find out about "stuff" at home that they can't fix it can severely disrupt their process/progress at BCT.

If his mom is being shitty - *** to a friend. Leave him out of it until he's done with training. He doesn't need to be stuck between mom and new wife with a Drill Sergeant chewing his ass.

Be the bigger person. If he writes you or calls - remind him to write his mom/family. Let them know that he called and how he is doing. If they *** because he didn't call them - blame it on the Drill Sergeant. Being the liaison not the competition.

Finally - don't be a walking pitty party. You knew what you were doing. be strong in public, sad in private and devoted always.

(oh and no smutty pics in the letters)

gfreegirlie · June 2012

My DH was already well through basic when we met so I have no info I can give you on that but as a new Army wife I may have some tips for you. I honesty believe if your MIL isn't going to support you or your marriage then perhaps you don't need to speak with her more then necessary. That being said eventually, you will need friends that are military wives and also ones that aren't. Be careful though, the FRG community that the Army has can be super helpful and great but can also be a lot of drama. The best way for me to make friends outside of the military community was through my work. Also keeping busy w/ work though deployments has helped to keep me sane. Your SO will need a lot of support from you while he is adjusting to being in the military. It can be very stressful for them and he may have a LOT of bad days at work so knowing how to cheer him up once he gets home is a very important thing for him but also for your relationship. If you have any specific Q's just let me know.

Advice for a newbie?

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