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A disaster!
My love and i just got married. We are 20 years old and he is in the Army and about to leave for boot. ...the disaster part? WE LIVE WITH HIS PARENTS! Which i have ALWAYS hated but he felt like it would be smart for us to do to save money and all that. I reluctantly agreed at first bc i honestly didnt think it would be for a long time, but its been a year! The thing is that we could have own place and do it somewhat comfortably, of course things would be rough sometimes but thats apart of life!!! I hate it here, we dont get along with them and they treat us like children but expect us to be adults. Now that Taylor is leaving i just know things arent going to get better, and i want to move out. But again taylor is saying that i dont need too that i need to wait, but wait for what exactly? Two years from now when he is done with boot/AIT training? I think not.
What do i dooooo? Im going crazy here. I feel like i should just look for a small apartment, you know something to start off with and move out, but i just now its going to cause a HUGE fight with everyone..and i would really love not for that to happen. But how can i be expected/forced to stay somewhere that makes me so unhappy? It isnt fair, i know life isnt fair, but if i can do something about it i should then right??
--Going out of my mind
Re: A disaster!
Keep your lines of communication open with him and have a serious talk. It isn't fair to you that you are unhappy and as married adults you both should figure out a way to make it happen and not rely on his parents to provide a roof over your head. Can you live on base with him or near? Or could you find a roommate to live with until he comes home? There has to be a better option out there for you. Maybe post this on the military board as well...
A marriage should be a partnership. Your H shouldn't get the only say on where you live and who you live with. If you can afford it, talk to him about getting a small apt. Look into your options together and decide together. You have discussed with him that you're unhappy with the current arrangement, correct?
IMO if you're adult enough to be married you should be adult enough to live on your own and pay your own bills etc etc.
Wow, seriously your husband says he doesn't think you can live on your own? I actually think his feelings are insecurity and lack of trust. He's probably more worried about you hanging out with friends with a possible mix of guys and that he might lose you. You can assure him that when you get an apartment that you will still be a respectful wife and not act like a single lady while he is at bootcamp.
You can tell him, that you have lived with his parents for a year - that you gave it a shot, but that it's too emotionally draining for you. You can say you appreciate your parents letting you and him live with them up until now, but that it's time for you to move on.
You shouldn't have to suffer just because he is feeling insecure about leaving his wife alone at an apartment. These are feelings that he has to overcome. You don't need to be baby-sat by his parents while he is at bootcamp.
Do you have time to look at apartments together before he goes to bootcamp? If yes, secure an apartment together first, and then you both notify his parents the date of move. (Or else they will try everything in their power to keep you from signing a lease, most likely. Or heck, they might be happy you both are moving out so they get privacy back. But either way, better to sign a lease and then tell them.)
Then get an apartment with a roommate.You'll share living expenses, stuff and have a little company. He'll have a cool place to visit on leave.
You're 20. That's what 20 year olds do. They move out of their parent's homes, usually with the help of roommates aroudn the same age.
I did. This isn't that hard.
Find the place before you argue about the "theory" of it. It's a lot easier to have a logical conversation when you have a real sitaution to look at and discuss.