Military Nesties
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Move in with parents during deployment?
I?m a regular poster on TB, but thought I?d get more responses here.
We?re having our first baby at the end of the summer and DH is going to be deploying for 6-9 months very shortly after. I?m trying to decide if I should move home with my parents for the extra help with the baby or not. This isn?t our first deployment, and if we we?re going to have a baby, I wouldn?t even consider moving home. I have family in my home town, but no longer have any friends there. I do however have a descent amount of friends where we live, but no family nearby. We own or home, so we would either just lock it up or possibly move our belongings into storage and rent it short term. I don?t currently work or plan to go to school, so that?s nothing I have to consider. I also have a great relationship with my parents and plan to visit them often during this deployment anyway so that they can spend time with their grandson.
So, my questions are:
1.) Would you move in with your parents or stay where you are?
2.) If you?ve temporally rented your home, was it worth it financially considering the costs of storing your belongings and the costs of moving in and out twice in one year?
I?d love to hear your opinions or any advice you may have! TIA!
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Re: Move in with parents during deployment?
You probably won't get very many, if any, responses here as TN regulars have mostly moved on to pro-boards. If you haven't already posted this on the bump, you probably should.
I changed my name
If you're comfortable locking up your home then that is what I would do; otherwise I feel like renting it out might be more hassle and stress than is necessary with a new baby and a deployed spouse.
I don't have children yet but I know that if I were facing first time mommy-hood I would want as much support as possible. I would decide which group (family or friends) you feel would be able to provide the most support and stay around that group. It sounds like you may have the best of both worlds with good friends at home and frequent visits to your folks. However, I feel like I would need someone around me more often than just friendly visits as i adjusted to motherhood.
I may be overreacting about the changes a baby brings and the adjustment it forces you to make but I guess that is why I don't have kids yet haha.
I am in the same situation. DH left when I was 27 weeks pregnant and won't return until DD is around 6-7 months old. I have decided to move home and live with my mom for the deployment. Both my mom and DH's parents live in the same city (5 mins from each other) as well as all of our friends. I don't have a job here and we have only been stationed here for 6 months so I haven't really built a life here yet. I want to be around a big support system and give the grandparents time to spend with her (since we live 14 hours away). I know it will be difficult at times not being close to my "military family" but the trade off is worth it for me.
We currently rent our home so we can't break our lease. Yes, it seems silly paying for a house that we won't be living in, but I want DH to have his "home" to come home to. I am turning off things like the cable/water/etc. so that will save some money.
I wouldn't do it. If you wouldn't consider it normally, I wouldn't do it now. 1. You really don't need as much help as you think you will with a new baby, especially if it is after the first month or two. 2. Unless your family is a military family, they will have no idea what you are going through and the feelings you are having. Your military friends are a far better support system during deployments. 3. I prefer to be in our house with our stuff and his things. When my H is gone, I want to sleep in our bed and hold on to his pillows. I want to pull his shirts out of the closet and wrap myself in them. You can't do that at your parent's house.
As far as renting your house short term, unless you can ask for rent significantly higher than your monthly mortgage payment, I honestly don't see how it will be worth it to rent it out while he's gone. You will have to pay to move all your stuff out, store it and move it back in. Last time I hired movers to move my stuff across town, it cost me nearly $1000. Here, a storage facility large enough to store all the contents of my 1300 sq ft house would cost nearly $200 a month. I'd have to charge nearly $400 a month over the average asking price of a house the size of mine to break even if I did that.
I would suggest maybe going to visit your parents for a month while he is gone. That would help break the time up and give you a little break for a bit. It also doesn't lock you down to a renter. You don't have to worry about someone jacking up the carpet or messing things up in your house. If your family starts to get on your nerves, you can go home.
Again, I am not trying to be snarky. But this is the lifestyle we choose when we married someone in the military.
I moved back with my parents when DH deployed, and I never regretted it for a second. He was gone for almost 2 years. It was initially only for 1 year, so we just let some friends live in our house rent-free, but when we found out his orders were extended another year, we sold the house and were able to save our mortgage money while I lived with my parents (although I did pay "rent" to them and took over some of the bills).
I loved having real, grown up people like my parents to talk to at the end of a rough day with my baby and 2 yr old. I couldn't stand the thought of staying in my house all alone 24/7 with my 2 exhausting kids. My parents tried to put the kids to bed 1 night a week so I could go out with friends or run errands - even having them at home once the kids were asleep so I could run out and get a gallon of milk without having to tote the kids along with me made it ALL worth it.
Don't let people "shame" you for wanting to move back with your parents. Pick the place where you and your baby will get the most support while your DH is gone.
Depends on your relationship with your parents. Mine would treat me like a teenager. No way on earth I would go back home.
If your parents "get it" and won't play the "oh poor poor baby he left you all alone" bullshiit - then go for it. It is easier with help.
I have 3 kids and the first one DH headed back overseas when LO was 1 week old. It sucked - but my best friend roomed with me while he was gone. Independence AND Support worked for me.
My next two hellians were born while DH was on shore duty (home). It was a good deal. He had to deploy again when our youngest was 7 months old. It was very very hard on him, and it was a LONG deployment for me.
It all depends on why you want to move. For me the financials wouldn't be part of it. I don't like being told what/how to do anything so being at home with my family 100% of the time... would be a no-go for me.