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need help!
Hi All!
This is my first post.. so bear with me.
I've recently moved in with my boyfriend and we're fighting alot more than we did before (which i understand to an extent) I guess my question has a few parts..
Will this end? Will things eventually settle enough so that we're not at each others throats?
Secondly, I'm kind of OCD.. I like everything tidy and neat.. and he (being a typical guy) doesnt need to have things in place all the time. I feel like I'm acting like his mother "Make sure the towels aren't thrown on the floor" "Make sure there are no suds left on the dishes after you wash them"
How can I get over my issues before It ruins our relationship?
Thanks in advance! 
Re: need help!
Please don't chalk this up to "typical guy". This is YOUR guy.
I agree- you need to find a compromise/balance. You want super neat, he doesn't. WHere can you meet that will make you both happy?
But - also use this time to determine if hes really marriage material. Don't blow this stuff off and think "Oh, when we get married, it will be better". While I do believe people can grow and change, at the same time, realize that this is who he is.
He's a grown adult and you shouldn't have to mother him.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/living_significant_other
That just made my day.. Thank You!
Not the "typical guy" nonsense again.
It seems like you could stand to work on your communication with each other and while you're at it compromise on chores. And if there's a particular chore that you're especially OCD about, just do it yourself.
I may be taking this wrong but I feel as if that comment was a little judgemental? I'm not new to dating or to living with men for that matter and in my experience it really is "typical guy" behaviour. While I also understand he's a grown adult and I shouldn't need to mother him my question was more directed towards ways of bringing up the subject without sounding as such.
In terms of marriage material.. I would never assume marriage cures any issues in a relationship.. thats naive, if anything it magnifies issues in a relationship. That being said, I also wouldn't rule out marriage because he's not as freakishly neat as I am.
No ECB is right it isn't typical guy behavior. To say it is is just chalking off immature or disrespectful behavior as typical guy behavior. It discounts the guys who are considerate partners and allows those who aren't to write it off as being a guy.
Dh and I have different standards as to cleanliness, clutter, how to do the dishws, etc. we agreed in a division of labor when we moved in together (whoever cooks the other does dishes for example) and make certain little quirks known (I need the bed to be made in the am. Last person up makes the bed). Then you make a conscious decision to let certain stupid things go because they aren't worth beig a nag or hurting your partner over. And you thank the other person when they help out in ways that are important to you. You'll get into a groove, moving in together is tough and takes awhile to adjust. What also helped was for me to remember all of the things he does for us without me asking and the little things I do that drive him crazy too.
The funny thing is, my husband is the neat freak and I can be more OK with some things out-and-about. So it's hard for me to see this as "typical guy behavior" because I don't know what typical guy behavior is. Each relationship is different, and we mold our relationships to how each partner wants it.
One thing that helps me, as being the less neat freak, is if my husband wants a particular thing cleaned that I happened to not get to yet, he'll word it as: "Hey, would you mind doing xyz-chore sometime today?" This shows that he'd like me to contribute with something, and at the same time is respecting my time and what I might be doing at the moment (such as reading a book, finishing a tv show, etc). It's a little thing that makes a huge difference. (I grew up in a household where, when my dad wanted a chore done, it had to be that instant, and it really bugged me out because I didn't like feeling like I was always at someone's beck-and-call.)
And it is good to establish general chore guidelines to lessen the chore discussion, such as: when it's spring, winter, fall, and my husband mows the grass, I make sure to do the dishes more often. And he takes out recycles to the curb for recyle-day, and I take out trash for trash-day. It eventually just becomes habit.
Not that you would, but I've known someone who said, "I've called my husband every name in the book, and he still won't do xyz chore when I tell him to." No bossing/nagging will ever get anything done.
And soap suds left on dishes - that's where you have to compromise. Him just doing the dishes you should be happy with. Nobody wants to be micromanaged. You have to respect the way he does chores overall, unless he is cleaning the dishes with mud. Otherwise, he'll feel like he can't do anything to your unrealistic expectations, and will feel like why bother at all if you won't appreciate what he does his way? That is why you need to give him a little room to how he does chores his way.
This could be an adjustment thing, plus you and he have 2 different styles of living and communicating.
The solution:
Make sure that whatever it is you and he do in your home is of mutual benefit to you both and it's a solution that you both like and can live with.:)
I'll try that.. It might just be the way to show him its not THAT big of a deal to keep on top of the chores..
Thanks!