Kinda long, I gotta rant....
We just moved into a new condo about 2 months ago. Every unit has a semi-private deck, they are all connected by a stairwell. Anyone can access the other neighbors decks, but it's "ours" and "theirs", it's not a common area
We live next door to an older (about 60ish) woman who's a shut-in and is in her apartment all day. As far as I can tell, she has no kids or local family, so she's lonely. My husband will take out her trash, carry up groceries, etc. We want to be nice, we make small talk, but she's really taking it to the extreme.
Right now I'm studying for the bar exam and home with the dog. I want to be outside in "fresh air" during the day and study or simply enjoy a drink with my husband. She can see me from her window and it's like she watches for us to go out there so she can talk. She doesn't let you get a word in, and you can't get her to stop. I have to make up something to get away, and I go back inside. There's never a time she's not there. She thinks I'm in summer school, and I "don't need to study" and that my husband is my boyfriend ("does your mother approve of you living with someone not your husband?") even though I've told the woman 7 times in one conversation that I need to stop talking and go get ready because we're going to dinner for our anniversary. It was entertaining at first, but now it's just annoying.
I don't mean to be heartless, I know she's very lonely, but I really think its unfair that she doesn't give us privacy and keeps interrupting me when I'm trying to study. It's not up to me to constantly entertain her. It's gotten so bad that I just don't go out there. How can I get her to leave us alone or at least give me some privacy? I'm not saying we don't want to be neighborly, but there needs to be some boundaries.
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Re: Handling a neighbor...
Is there a privacy wall you can put up (even if not permanent), and maybe a deck shade/canopy? That would make you feel like her eyes are not on you, and you could still be outside.
Plus, you could make a cute sign and put it out next to you outside that reads "Studying; Please come back later!
Thanks, Management", and say a friend gave it to you... and maybe on the other side of the sign reads "Romantic Alone Time
"
It's super silly, but it might work...
We can't really do a canopy thing, BUT I really like the sign idea! We have a wall we can hang it on, and making a cute sign would be a good study break hahaha (I'm getting so stressed studying for this test).
Put in ear buds like you're listening to music and sit so that your back is to her. Whether you're really listening to music or not- move your head like you are and just ignore her.
If she calls you out on it later, "Oh, I'm sorry, I couldnt' hear anything over my music!" and smile sweetly.
Then do this every time and hopefully she'll just start leaving you alone all together.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
DO you have to use the patio area as your entryway? If not, buy or make a room divider. Place it along the open to the stairwell area.
Here in Europe people use them all of the time. They will even use the inside part of the divider for planters or shelves.
You can do something really easy like this.
http://www.recyclart.org/2011/11/pallets-room-divider/
This is my first time ever posting here but I had to respond. My DH and I have the same issue. We have been living in our townhouse for a year and there is a neighbor who is a little bit of a shut in, but does have family around. I'll give you our latest experience. On our anniversary she gave us a gift that consisted of sponges, toilet paper, dish detergent, noodles, spaghetti sauce, some sort of beach ball game. Thoughtful, but odd gift. When she gave it to us she started crying and saying that she loved us. We started to walk away at the point and she started yelling I love you to us. It was really strange and a little unnerving because it was really passionate and loud.
I usually pretend I'm on the phone if I see her or say that I have dinner or something cooking and I need to go get it. I always feel bad about it, but sometimes I just can't take her because if you let her get started she'll talk for an hour. The note is a really cute idea and would probably seen as less offensive than putting up a screen.
You seem on the defensive. Why not carve-out a relationship you want (and/or can handle) and then do that? Like something proactive. Like walking-over, with a coffee and a dount and 5 minutes of small-talk and then a strong "good-bye, need to study". And then a strong follow-up when she bothers you with "Can't talk now, I have to study. Please don't disturb me." Approach her a few time, when it's convenient for you. Then feel free to say. "NOW IS NOT GOOD. PLEASE LEAVE."
Really, if you you DO some some things to be friendly, you won't feel bad about being non-friendly.