Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Must I be in my sister's wedding?
My youngest sis and I do not get along. AT ALL. It is a terrible relationship. We never talk. We try to be civil at family functions, but more often, we just ignore each other. I don't even really know her. It is sad, but I've pretty much accepted it at this point. I asked both of my sisters to be in my wedding (things were a little better back then), and now that she is getting married, she asked us both to be in hers. She made it clear she wants no input or feedback from me about her wedding or shower, just show up and do as I am told.
She now has her heart set on a $300+ bridesmaid dress, plus alterations. Also, she lives in Michigan, so I am expected to buy plane tickets for,at the very least, her shower and the wedding, plus go early for the rehearsal. I'm already getting guilt from my mom for saying I will not be coming to her bachelorette party. My son is her only nephew and she wants him to be a ring bearer, so I'm also supposed to cover his costs.
I still have a bad taste in my mouth after another wedding I was in for a HS friend out of "obligation" and we have never spoke again after she cashed our check. I know a big part of this is that my parents would be heartbroken if I wasn't in it because they still hope that someday my sis and I will reconcile. However, there was no big falling out. It is just an accumulation of things, she thinks I'm jealous of her, blah blah blah. Money is tight and I do not feel like scraping it together for someone with whom I have no relationship (at best).
Do I have to do it? If not, is there a tactful way to opt out without any big family drama?
Re: Must I be in my sister's wedding?
I think in 5 years (or 30) you would regret not being in it, much more than you would regret the inconvenience of going and participating. Figure out what you can afford and then ask your mom that you need help w/ the costs.
(I say this as someone who has a very complicated relationship w/ my own sister. She was my MOH and in some ways a PITA, but I can't imagine not having her either. She also got in a huff and chose not to attend my baby shower and while I wasn't devasted by it, I thought it was pretty ridiculous and hurtful and reflected much more poorly on her than me.)
I'd be tempted to not participate and say that I just can't afford it at this time.However, if your mom offers to foot the bill or help out, then you have another problem. Would it be possible to just have DS in it and not you? Probably not, but only you know your family.
I think using the we-can't-afford-both-me-and-DS-in-your-wedding angle could be tactful, but honestly, if you chose not to be a bridesmaid, and your other sister does, it will probably cause family drama, not matter how nice you are about it.
Then again, I'm not really into family for the sake of family.
Good luck with your decision.
To play devils advocate - I don't think you should do it. Why put yourself in over your head financially for someone who doesn't care to even have a relationship with you?
Does she do things for your son - birthday gifts, etc? What I'm getting at is I'm wondering if she's trying to have a relationship with him as his aunt. If not, then I feel like she only wants him to be the ring bearer for showy reasons and not because it would mean something to her. But if she does seem to want to be a part of his life, then I'm with the girls who suggest that you have him be the ring bearer but you don't be a part of the bridal party.
Good luck! Let us know what you decide. This is a tough one for sure.