Married Life
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
husband is no longer sexually attracted...
We have been married three years, together for seven. Sex was never
really a priority, but we recently decided to try and have a baby. The
past few months I have always had to initiate and the sex has been less
than stellar. I finally asked him what was going on and why we weren't
able to make this work (he has had performance issues as well). I asked
if he was sexually attracted to me and he responded truthfully by
saying he was not, that it was just difficult for him to think of me
this way. I am not sure what do do, I don't know if this is fixable or
if ultimately our marriage will not overcome this.
Re: husband is no longer sexually attracted...
Counseling is a start. You may need to spice things up. Sexual attraction can wane over time, and some guys have a hard time relating their wife as a mother they can have sex with, although I think that is usually after having the baby. Regardless, counselling. And good luck, I am so sorry about this.
H has a low libido, so we don't get it on as often as I like, but thats cause his mother screwed him up for life, not because of attraction, even though everytime he says no, I feel like its because he doesn't want me anymore. This feeling sucks and makes me bawl my eyes out every so often.
Dude, I feel you.
That second paragraph is so my life. It's really tough to deal with sexual rejection from your husband.
I second the suggestion for counseling. This is a big deal and could have the power to truly harm your marriage, so don't let it. Take action.
Also, have you tried having really open conversations about what you and he are into? What turns you on? If he self pleasures and watches porn, what excites him? (These are rhetorical questions, btw.) When things with DH and I slip back into a rut, I sometimes try to role play something I know turns him on but isn't really my usual moves/persona. Not that I'm trying to fake being a slutty little trash monkey for his benefit, but it helps to slip out of the mom/dad roles for a few minutes and enjoy each other on a purely sexual basis.
With you? with him? or with the both of you?
If sex is important to you and sex was not the priority for him as it was for you, you should have said goodbye once you found out he was not ont he same page with you when it came to a sex life: you were already sexually incompatible.
How do YOU feel about this?
Again, if sex is important to you, do yourself a favor: say goodbye to him now. Do not try to conceive a kid or think that this problem will be solved by him changing his mind about you. It's not going to happen.
Maybe he is having an affair, is gay, is asexual, has decided no more sex with you or he just is not into sex like you are: why do you want to fix what is already broken beyond repair?
It sucks.... say goodbye to him now, otherwise staying with him will eat quite the hole in your self esteem and the way you see yourself sexually. Find a guy who thinks you're hot as hell.:) good luck.
My DH has very low testosterone levels. He went to the doctor and said he needed help. He was very proactive about this as he knew this could negatively impact our relationship. Even with this, I have initiated 99% of the time over our 5+ years together.
Now that we are TTC, he had to stop with the medicine. RE said it was decreasing his SA. Nothing like having timed sex with someone who really doesn't have any interest.
full time stepmom to SS1 and SS2 since 2010
married since 2011
TTC since 7/2011 (no planned bc since 2008)
HSG 11/2011: one blocked tube
S/A 2/2012 and retest S/A 3/2012: normal
Bloodwork: normal
2nd HSG 5/2012: clear
Femara cycle 5mg #1 7/14/12 + IUI #1 7/23/12 = bfn
New RE appt 8/14/12
IVF #1 meds 8/30/12. ER 9/14/2012: 7 retrieved, 6 fertilized. ET 9/19/12: 1 perfect embryo 5dt.
Beta #1 BFP! 97
Beta #2 234
Beta #3 4937
ultrasound #1 heart beat 127
10/20/12 graduated!!!
EDD 6/7/12
Team PINK!!
Is he looking at porn? For some men, this can stimulate a desire for sex with their SO, but for other men it can cause them to crave other things...and it can turn into an addiction, which can cause them to not be interested in real live people (like their wives).
The porn can become a substitution for a meaningful sexual relationship.
Youre advice is pathetic and shows why we have '5 minute' marriages in our society.
Something perfect. Something is it working. Just run away! God this is like people who are single topic voters.
Better a 5 minute relationship than a "5 minute marriage."
If you were dating somebody and he was not into sex like you were, very doubtful if you would stay with him. This is sexual incompatibility.
And no my advice was not pathetic.