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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Newlyweds and bro-in-law/Hubby's BEST friend hates me...
Newlywed as of June 9th, 2012! We've been going around and around with new Hunny's oldest best friend, best man as well as brother-in-law (ALL the same guy...). He thinks I make every decision for Hubby, which I do not. Hubby comes and goes (almost) as much as he pleases and I have no prob with that... I honestly have no idea why is bro-in-law hates me. Hes basically disliked me from the beginning (6 years ago). It hurts my feelings because I think him and I could really get along, I mean we both love Hubby and he's chosen us as his two closest non-blood relatives... You'd think we would have SOMETHING in common... Anyways. I always just avoided him because I could and I didn't really like Hubby's sister either... But now I really love her. So now I'm married to him, and bro-in-law and I are stuck forever together... I can avoid him FOREVER can I??? Our kids will be direct cousins and hopefully close with one another! WHAT DO I DO HELP!!
Re: Newlyweds and bro-in-law/Hubby's BEST friend hates me...
He has disliked you from the beginning, with no discernable and tangible reason why...
And not only did you keep dating your nowH...
Your now H also never took your side in this at all?
He never stuck up for you, he never defended you, he never told his brother to stick his sentiment where the sun shines not???
WHY???
And why are you tolerating the fact that your husband isn't man enough to be a team with YOU?
You do not have a BIL problem -- you have a husband problem.
What do you do, help???
Here is what you do:
Effective right now, you give your H a no hold barred talking to and you tell him that starting immediately he is to tell his brother to treat you civilly, with respect and with honor.
Demand that your husband say this to his brother in your presence.
If your H won't go for that, RETHINK HIM -- I am serious.
Your H should have taken your side in this when the BIL's bullshit began -- or better yet, when you found out this guy disliked you, you should have found another boyfriend. Why do you want a boyfriend who has a brother who treats you like crap???
Your H, by not standing up FOR you, is giving his brother the permission to walk all over you. That's what's happening here...hell, rethink your husband based on this.
I had crappy ILs who were like this.
"WERE like this" is the watchphrase... becuase this is one of the rreasons why I am divorced.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Thank you for what you said up there, I was starting to feels bit beat up lol. My new Hubby is a wonderful man and no, I'm not just saying that. He always has my back and really seems to listen and care when I've got something going on. The man helped after my dads stroke (3 years into dating) by helping pick him up, helping him use the restroom as well as get into the shower so that my sisters and I wouldn't have to see our dad in those ways. He is very kind and loving. I didn NOT mean to make him seem like the "typical guy" because he is certainly not.
The problem is, his friend has been around a loooooong time. I couldn't/wouldn't break this friendship up even if I wanted to. The friend/bro-in-law does NOT treat me badly either. He is just completely fake with me (like nauseatingly fake) and last new years when we were blitzed enough to get it out, he jumped my ass out of nowhere, yelling at me about "In my house my wife does what I say, not like how (Hubby) does everything YOU say!". I mean he FLIPPED. But as usual, he got away with it because he said he thought we "were playing". So now our true feelings are out there unresolved and awkward. Because like thy say, once the words are out you can never take them back. Anyways, the next morning he came in where Hubby and I were staying and sang me some bs song and played the guitar about how he was sorry and was mean and he loves me and whatever. Hubby fell for it, as he always does because he loves his bro-in-law and technically he did "apologize". But I guess since I'm a woman, and I can smell ba a mile away, I know nothing he does is sincere.
Last example:
We just got married June 9th 2012. We've been engaged since February 2011 and EVERYONE KNOWS. bro-in-law would be his best man (just like Hubby was in his). Bro-in-law didn't even bother to buy ANY of his wedding attire until THE MORNING OF THE WEDDING! All he needed was a white shirt, khaki pants, brown shoes and belt. Bro-in-law and wife (Hubby's sister) make 100k a year.... No reason why he should have waited that long. He also argued the day of the wedding about how "he was not going to roll his long sleeves up to his elbow because it looked dumb". Hubby jumped ALL OVER HIM.
I think Hubby is getting the picture about his friend being a shitty friend, but I don't want to be the one to split them because that's what everyones already expecting since bro-in-law flipped out last New Years. I want Hubby to realize it on his OWN. But I don't think that will ever happen...
NOW, what do I do?! =(((
She said it straight away in the first paragraph, dude...
No where did i read the OP say that her brother in law treats her poorly or that her husband doesn't stick up for her. It's not that serious for her to have "found herself another boyfriend". Some of you ladies are so quick to jump down the husbands throat without even knowing the full story. Its ridiculous
Here ya go...
We've been going around and around with new Hunny's oldest best friend, best man as well as brother-in-law (ALL the same guy...). He thinks I make every decision for Hubby, which I do not. Hubby comes and goes (almost) as much as he pleases and I have no prob with that... I honestly have no idea why is bro-in-law hates me. Hes basically disliked me from the beginning (6 years ago). It hurts my feelings because I think him and I could really get along
So now I'm confused...does he or does he not genuinely dislike you???
And this is just minor minor details...sorry, OP... some guys just don't get formalwear or fancy attire (there is a guy on one of the other boards who wants to wear dickies shorts and casual attire to his own formal wedding)
Bro-in-law didn't even bother to buy ANY of his wedding attire until THE MORNING OF THE WEDDING! All he needed was a white shirt, khaki pants, brown shoes and belt. Bro-in-law and wife (Hubby's sister) make 100k a year.... No reason why he should have waited that long. He also argued the day of the wedding about how "he was not going to roll his long sleeves up to his elbow because it looked dumb". Hubby jumped ALL OVER HIM.
The point I made:
No matter what it is that happens in your marriage, he is to have your back and vice versa: you have his. And this means standing up and being a man/woman in all cases, even if his/your mother or whoever it is has wronged you. GL.
So, he's fake? He sounds like a jerk who is proud of the fact that he pushes his wife around and is trying to intimidate you by putting you down for not being the same pushover.
My mom hasn't liked her BIL for 40 years. He's a loudmouth jerk who's never even pretended to 'sing a sweet song' to get on her good side. It doesn't mean us cousins didn't get along great or that she didn't have a geat relationship with her SIL.
And you really have to let go of when the guy bought his wedding clothes. It's not a personal attack on you that he waited until the day-of. If he was dressed and ready for the wedding, then he was ready. There really is never going to be another time he needs to be dressed and ready for any event, ever again, in your life.
Just be polite to the guy. That's what grown-ups do with family members they don't particulately enjoy. Even if you don't think he's being sincere, he's doing the right thing by playing the part. You should, too. You just married into this family. That's what you do.
You've been married for five days (congrats, by the way- we have the same anniversary!) and this is just now becoming an issue?
I agree with kellbell. You're letting the little stuff get to you, and even if your BIL and H stop being friends, he'll still be your BIL. Sure, it would be nice if everyone got along, but it's not realistic. Be polite, be sociable, and let it go.
You and DH have your marriage your way- he and SIL will have their marriage their way. It shouldn't affect either one of you one way or the other. I do agree that your H should stand up for you, however. "The two shall become one"- and there's no room in there for people who think they know what's going on.
I think these examples of him being a crappy friend are ridiculous, and make you sound very controlling. He showed up at the wedding wearing the appropriate clothes, no? That should be good enough. What he makes should be completely irrelevent. What does it matter if he rolled his sleeves up to his elbow? I asked everyone to wear black for our wedding pictures, my MIL wore a pink dress. The photos look ridiculous, but we laugh about it (we also laugh about me trying to control what everyone else wore). These are such minor, minor things, but they do make you sound very controlling, which makes me wonder if BIL doesn't like you because he feels that you are too controlling of your husband, which, given these examples, might be something you want to honestly reflect on.
What you do? Give up the fight. Just be nice to him when you see him and move on with your life. Don't avoid him or family functions, don't bad mouth him to your husband, just stop dwelling on this guy. Don't tolerate him being disrespectful or rude to you, but don't engage it, either. Just move on.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Why does he not like you. Why don't you ask him and find out what the problem is. Also maybe talk to your husband and see what he says. If they are best friends your husband will probably know some details. Also tell him that you want to get along with him. Just discuss. Maybe sit down all three of you and discuss the topic.
Also, congrats on your recent wedding!