Relationships
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Husband is no longer sexually attracted....
We have been married three years, together for seven. Sex was never really a priority, but we recently decided to try and have a baby. The past few months I have always had to initiate and the sex has been less than stellar. I finally asked him what was going on and why we weren't able to make this work (he has had performance issues as well). I asked if he was sexually attracted to me and he responded truthfully by saying he was not, that it was just difficult for him to think of me this way. I am not sure what do do, I don't know if this is fixable or if ultimately our marriage will not overcome this.
Re: Husband is no longer sexually attracted....
If he said that it is difficult for him to see you in a sexual light, maybe you could start acting the part. Let him see you sexually. When you come home from work, occasionally change into a nighty for your "house dress". Cook dinner, watch movies, do house work wearing something provocative. Bend over on purpose so he gets a boob view. Have him lick the batter off your fingers. Start giving him flirty eyes. But do all these things with the thoughts in your mind about him that he's so hot. That watching him watch you turns you on. That playing hard to get is going to get you off.
If you've had a lower sexual relationship and now sex is a means to an end, then it makes sense that he'd have a hard time changing his frame of mind. But if you flirt with him like you're his secretary and he's your hot coworker - or he's the cute guy at the grocery store you always secretly hope to catch a glimpse of, think about how that will stroke his ego.
The way to a man's heart isn't through his stomach, it's through his ego. But you have to be sincere about it. You have to truly believe that he's the hottest, hunkiest guy you love and lust after.
My husband kind of reminds me of Mr. Bean. I know! When we first met I thought he was nice, then he became my best friend, then I fell in love with him, then I discovered how gorgeous he is. He still unintentionally makes Mr. Bean face, but I've decided that not only is it funny but that these parts of him are so honest and amazing that I get hot just thinking about the idea of getting to make love to him for the rest of my life. He see's it, it's the ONE TIME a man can read a woman's mind.
I think if you take "baby" off the table, and put "sexpot" on, then he'll start seeing you in a new light and baby will end up happening. The trick will be to keep sexpot brewing after baby. Life is so much more fun when we have a reciprocal lust for each other in our relationship!
With you? with him? or with the both of you?
If sex is important to you and sex was not the priority for him as it was for you, you should have said goodbye once you found out he was not ont he same page with you when it came to a sex life: you were already sexually incompatible.
How do YOU feel about this?
Again, if sex is important to you, do yourself a favor: say goodbye to him now. Do not try to conceive a kid or think that this problem will be solved by him changing his mind about you. It's not going to happen.
Maybe he is having an affair, is gay, is asexual, has decided no more sex with you or he just is not into sex like you are: why do you want to fix what is already broken beyond repair?
It sucks.... say goodbye to him now, otherwise staying with him will eat quite the hole in your self esteem and the way you see yourself sexually. Find a guy who thinks you're hot as hell.:) good luck.