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Family Pictures
Just some back history; I have an absolutely horrific relationship with DH's brother's wife and have for about 5 years, we haven't spoken for over a year and DH & I now have a semi tense relationship with his sister & mother due to some things the SIL told them.
I recently had family pictures done with my side of the family and I added one of my family & one with me and my brothers to our picture wall in our library. MIL saw them and said we'll be getting her side's family pictures done next month so I can add those pictures to our wall as well.
I have no problems being in their family pictures but here's my question; is it being a total brat to not want their pictures on my wall? The library is mostly my personal room and I spend a lot of time in there and I just don't want to see their faces (especially the one SIL) every single day because it just brings back all the crappy feelings that I've been trying to let go of. How would I go about not doing it? Should I be upfront and say it won't be going up? Just keep putting her off? I've thought of putting them up when she's coming over and having them down the rest of the time but she's always randomly showing up. Oh, on a side note, DH doesn't care one way or another what I do with the situation. TIA!
Re: Family Pictures
Is this really worth starting a bigger family war over?
Why not put the photo in a frame that you can stand up in the library when they are visiting but lay flat the rest of the time? A frame would be very quick and easy to stand up when she randomly drops in.
Your relationship is already strained, and while you DH might not care so much now, if this exploded into an all out feud over a photo he might have a different opinion.
First of all, let MIL / SIL do all of the arranging. It is fine for you to just "show up" and not lift a finger to prepare this. It's her idea - let her make it happen (it might not!).
Your MIL doesn't get to tell you how to decorate your house, especially not room by room! No, you don't need to put a photo of your ILS in your "personal space." LOL! I like (many of) my ILS, but don't think I'd be hanging a photo of them if I had an office.
If I were you, I'd put it in a guest room that you don't use very often. I also like the idea of putting it in a frame and stashing it away until the ILS come over.
If they ask why it's not in your office, I'd just say "oh, I'm the one who spend the most time in here, and dh wanted the photo of his family to be where he could see it more often."
I'm going to add too- while your DH "doesn't care", at the same time, I think you need to know if he will actually back you up. As in, if the picture doesn't go up on that wall and your MIL says something - and maybe just to him - will he give whatever excuse you come up with? Or will he just say "Oh, I don't know why she didn't put it up mom...." and play the patsy?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Thanks so much for the ideas, I love the one of trying to get one with just him and his siblings or putting it in his office and saying he wanted to see it more often since he rarely goes in the library!
DH said he'll support me in whatever I decide, he's always been really good at standing up to his mom so I'm not worried about him throwing me under the bus.
You have a absolutely horrific relationship with DH's brother's wife , so you now want to cut DH's whole family out of the picture. Are you kidding, why can't DH's family share the wall with your wonderful family. You say its OUR picture wall, meaning your and DH's wall.
Grow up, if its ok to put your family photo on OUR wall than it's ok to put DH's family photo on OUR wall.
As much as you think DH doesnt mind this will one day come back and hit you in the head.
Since you already have a strained relationship with your ILs, I think not displaying the photo at all could be offensive to them, especially since you display a photo of your family. I agree that displaying a pic of just H and his siblings is a good way of not having to see a picture of your SIL. Displaying your H's family pic in a space your husband uses more often is also a good idea. Just be sure to display some family pic to avoid any more issues with his side of the family!
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